I want to divorce my wife because she refuses to even…

I want to divorce my wife because she refuses to even touch me

Dear Troubleshooter:

I'm a male company employee in my 50s. I'd like some advice about my relationship with my wife, who works a part-time job.

I haven't had physical relations with my wife in more than 15 years. She even hates light touching. When I told her I wanted a little more physical contact in our relationship, she said, "I'm fine with the way things are."

As it stands, my wife is nothing but a roommate, and I'm not even sure what I'm earning money for. She has no sense of how to save money and thinks that as long as I'm working the bank account will never run dry.

In the midst of this, I met a woman in her mid-40s who works part-time at a bar. She's been divorced in the past and is raising a child in elementary school all on her own.

As relations with my wife are in a deep freeze, I've started meeting this woman for a couple of hours here and there when she doesn't have her kid, in the hopes that I can offer her some solace. It's not a sexual relationship, and I'm fine with that. I'm happy just to engage in a bit of light physical intimacy like holding hands.

It's completely unrelated to this new acquaintance, but I think I want to separate from my wife so that I can enjoy the remaining years of my life. Maybe I'm being naive. I await your instruction on the matter.

K, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Mr. K:

What kind of instruction do you want? Instruction on how to have a physical relationship? That's easy. People's desire to touch each other occurs naturally and without the need for words when two people truly trust each other. Your wife is likely rejecting you because she doesn't trust you.

To make a long story short, you have to be trusted. You need to abandon the notion that you're providing for your wife. It's hogwash. Why do you think you've been able to work? It's thanks to your wife, who has been steadfastly keeping your home. It's thanks to her that you can wake up in the morning and go to work free from worry, and it's thanks to her that you're free to focus on your day.

You can't live life based on your own power alone. That's the point that you're missing here. It's only natural that your wife doesn't want to be physical with you. How could she want to be? Don't be foolish.

You need to start acting a little more like an adult. Being an adult means being broadminded and thinking about then needs of other people rather than your own needs. This is not at all difficult. You need to put yourself in another person's shoes and see things from their perspective.