I’m lying on a yoga mat in a slightly cold, dimly lit room full of strangers – and we’re all laughing our heads off.
Moments ago, a permanently smiley woman in a turban instructed us to begin our “laughing practice.”
We were hesitant – none of us knew exactly what she meant – but she led by example, erupting into a loud, genuine-sounding belly laugh.
At first, there was a sense of bemused uncertainty in the candlelit room. Then it spread, like wildfire.
Against our own will, each of us burst into infectious giggles that quickly escalated into full-blown, jaw-aching, stomach-clutching, impossible-to-control laughter.
You may wonder what I was doing in this bizarre situation. Well, I was at a gut health retreat set on a grand property in West Sussex.
The five-day programme, hosted by Goodwood Estate – better known for its car racing – is pitched on its website as a “transformative gut health overhaul, expertly designed to have a restorative effect on both body and mind.”
It costs £2,600 – for which you get five nights in one of the hotel’s signature rooms, daily talks on nutrition, a body composition analysis, a private nutritional consultation, two abdominal massages, two castor oil compresses, a body brushing treatment, your choice of specialist treatment, three guided walks in the grounds, a yoga class, two sound baths and all of your food.
I was curious. Yoga retreats and silent retreats are fairly common, but I’d never heard of one specifically focused on gut health.
It’s something I care about both professionally and personally. Last year, I even wrote a book exploring how people eat in the blue zones – those remarkable places around the world where people remain fit and healthy long into old age.
As a yoga girly who believes in the power of massage, movement, saunas, and walks in nature for wellbeing, I was sold. What a luxurious way to spend five days.
I arrived at the hotel and was immediately whisked off for my body composition analysis. I could only make sense of the basics, like my weight and BMI, but was told I’d get a comprehensive run-down of everything later in the week.
The hotel room was spacious and comfortable, with an enormous bed and a “pillow menu” in case you aren’t happy with the firmness of the ones already there.
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Before dinner, I went to the welcome talk, where I met the other attendees for the first time.
I was surprised to find that many attendees were repeat customers. In fact, one jolly elderly couple had been coming to the retreats for over 10 years, back when they were held at a different site.
There was a mum and daughter on a health journey, a woman happy to have some time away from her busy home life, and a man sent by his wife to address his growing belly.
The nutrition talks started off well. After an engaging talk from clinical nutritionist and co-founder Stephanie Moore, a second speaker arrived. She warned us that her talk might be “hard to take.”
She launched into a slideshow urging us to ditch plant oils in favour of “ancestral fats” such as beef dripping, butter and lard.
She was right – I did find it shocking. I’d recently written a piece debunking the hysteria around seed oils, with input from experts like Dr Sarah Berry, who explained that not only are seed oils perfectly safe to eat, they’re a healthy part of the diet.
I resolved to raise it with Stephanie the next time I saw her.
One thing that did really wow me, however, was the quality of the treatments. The abdominal massages were unexpectedly relaxing, and the body brushing – which made me feel like a very pampered horse – was weirdly soothing.
But my favourite by far was something called cranial osteopathy, performed by the second co-founder, Elaine Williams. Calling it a head massage would be underselling it – it was a series of tiny but powerful movements across my neck and the base of my skull that somehow released years of tension.
I was so relaxed I could have been transported to another planet without noticing. I’d heard whispers from other attendees that Elaine was “magical,” and after all the hype, I can confirm they weren’t exaggerating.
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Another big part of the retreat was the food. Before each meal, we had a few mouthfuls of kimchi or sauerkraut and a tiny shot of a bitter drink to prime the digestive system. I enjoyed it; it’s kind of like an Italian aperitivo such as Campari, but without the booze.
The food itself was delicious and perfectly cooked, though a little repetitive. The main course was always fish or meat with a large array of cooked vegetables, and the starter was normally some kind of soup.
On certain days we fasted, which meant no breakfast or dinner. While it doesn’t suit everyone, there are interesting studies around the benefits of fasting for the gut.
Periods without food give the digestive system a rest, which may reduce inflammation, support a healthier gut microbiome and improve the integrity of the gut lining.
Finally, what about the laughing lady? Well, she was brilliant. Bonkers but brilliant.
She taught us all sorts of ways to relax our bodies and switch on the parasympathetic nervous system, aka “rest and digest.” Even if we eat perfectly, stress can wreak havoc on our gut, so these little hacks are actually crucial.
We vigorously shook our whole bodies, flapping our hands like we were under attack from a massive mosquito. We massaged points on our ankles and legs that, in traditional Chinese medicine, are supposed to correspond to different organs in the body. And, of course, we laughed… a lot.
Perhaps I’m not quite the target market for a retreat. If you’re someone whose diet is less balanced at home, it could be genuinely helpful and there were certainly important takeaways. For me, though, it reiterated that my usual lifestyle – consisting of exercise and a Mediterranean diet – is perfectly healthy as it is.
Overall, though, I enjoyed my time at Goodwood: most of all for the lovely people I met. It was a rare treat to spend time with such different, charming people, in an exceptional setting.
Giulia was a guest of The Goodwood Estate.
How to do it
The Goodwood’s five-day Gut Health Programme is priced at £2,600.
The package includes five nights at the Goodwood Hotel, all food and drink, full body composition analysis, a private nutritional consultation, abdominal massages and castor oil therapies, Epsom Salt baths, body brushing treatment and other specialist treatments, guided walks and a post-programme check-in. Find out more here.
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