Dear Coleen,
Over the lockdown I connected with a guy via an online dating app and we’ve been chatting regularly since January.
I’m in my early 40s and divorced with one child, and he’s around the same age, also divorced and has two kids with his ex.
I really like him, but now I’m nervous that things are opening up and we’ll get to actually meet in person some time soon.
I’m worried that I’m not going to live up to the person I am online. He’s still only seen me from the waist up!
The other thing is, I haven’t had sex with anyone since my marriage ended three-and-a-half years ago and feel very self-conscious about my mum bod.
I’m not sure I’ll even remember how to have sex!
The thought of being naked with a man feels terrifying and now I wish I’d used all those weeks in lockdown more productively by getting in shape.
I suppose conducting this relationship online felt safe – I knew we couldn’t meet up, so it took the pressure off.
I’d love some advice on where I go from here. He’s a great guy, kind and funny, and I’m ready for a relationship.
Coleen says...
I know exactly what you mean – I’m on dating apps myself and it does feel very safe online.
The positive thing is, you’ve had the chance to really talk and get to know each other, which often doesn’t happen when life is normal.
Sometimes you’ll go on a first date with someone you’ve barely spoken to and it’s easy to be put off by tiny things and judge too quickly.
But you know this guy quite well now and like him for who he is and he’ll feel the same way about you – it’s a good foundation.
And remember, he’ll have the same fears.
I don’t know why we sometimes assume men don’t get nervous or feel self-conscious when it comes to what they look like. Of course they do.
And you don’t have to meet him and jump into bed – unless you want to! Be honest and say you’re not ready for that yet. Take it slowly and build up to it.
It could be that when you meet him in person, you might not be right for each other, so just keep an open mind and try to enjoy it.
And, if it doesn’t work out, you now know you’re capable of meeting another lovely guy if he’s not the one.
