Dear Coleen
I hope you can help. I am totally disgusted with something that happened at my 15-year-old son’s sports club recently and I don’t know what to do about it.
The team held a party at one of my son’s teammate’s houses to celebrate the end of the season and there was a stripper there. So, in a room full of teenage boys, a grown woman took off all her clothes and also danced naked on the laps of the team captain and the player who had scored highest that season – my boy!
Obviously, I’m not naive and realise that as a straight male he likes looking at naked women. However, I don’t think this is how he should be going about it and he’s still only 15 years old.
At the same time, I don’t want to deprive him of his sport or embarrass him in front of all his mates, which could affect him socially. He loves being a part of this team and he’s very good at what he does, so I’d like him to carry on, but I’m totally unhappy with the extracurricular activities.
What do you think I should do for the best?
Coleen says
OK, so while we have to acknowledge that 15 year olds today probably aren’t what we were like at 15, in the eyes of the law, your son is still a child until he’s 18.
You don’t say who organised the stripper, but I would imagine an adult will have had to book and pay for the entertainment, in which case you need to find out who that person is.
Maybe speak to the other parents, too. Explain that you think it’s inappropriate and out of line, and that you don’t want your son feeling pressured to join in. If the kids arranged the stripper, the manger and others responsible for this team need to get them in a room together and get to the bottom of it.
Your son is at a very impressionable age so, for you, I think it’s more important to have a discussion with him about how he views women because you don’t want him to treat women disrespectfully.
What happened isn’t this woman’s fault – she was hired to do a job, no more than that.
Ask your son how he felt – did he laugh off the lap dance or did it make him feel uncomfortable?
But don’t make him feel bad for being there; find out who was responsible and make your point.
Maybe if you say your son (highest scorer) might be better in a different team, they might think again!
