CONTENT WARNING: This article discusses child sexual abuse.
Talking about child sexual abuse is never easy, and it’s even more daunting when it doesn’t fit the scary headlines of ‘stranger danger’ we typically imagine. In many cases, it happens much closer to home, not through force, but through the gradual process of grooming by someone a child knows and trusts.
Brisbane woman and survivor Amelia Ayris still remembers what it was like having that difficult conversation with her mum and nanna, not long after her fifth birthday.
“I can remember being terrified to speak out. I have minimal recollection of the abuse today as a 19 year old, which I’m thankful for, but the trauma and upheaval in the family is still present,” she told PEDESTRIAN.TV.
Amelia was abused from the age of three and a half by someone close to her. After that difficult conversation with her mum and nanna, her perpetrator was removed from the picture — but the family dynamics still “changed dramatically”. Security and physical safety became real-life concerns to be grappled with, and there were threats in the aftermath.
“My mum tried to keep my life as normal as possible. Sometimes, she sat in the car in the school car park when there were fresh threats. I can remember leaving the house for short ‘holidays’, but I knew it was mum taking me somewhere until the threats died down. I still have nightmares, but I wake up not remembering what they are about,” she told P.TV.
Eventually, they moved from Cairns to Brisbane seeking out a fresh start.
It was only years later, when Amelia began working with Australian child protection organisation Bravehearts that she began to see where grooming played a major role in the lead up to her abuse. “The isolation, threats, and gaining trust were very real,” she said.
Amelia, now a Bravehearts ambassador, is speaking about her experiences as part of the launch of a new campaign, ‘Grooming Hides Behind Harmless’, which exposes the subtle, manipulative behaviours perpetrators use to groom children and parents.
Directed by award-winning actor, singer and writer Leah Purcell, the campaign centres around a stark and confronting statistic: 79 per cent of child sexual abuse survivors knew their abuser — a relative, friend, acquaintance or neighbour.
Here’s what Amelia wants everyone to know about child sexual abuse.
1. It can happen to anyone.
The statistics around child sexual abuse in Australia are deeply confronting. One in four Australians have been sexually abused, and 79 per cent of child sexual abuse survivors were abused by someone they knew.
“It can happen to anyone,” Amelia said. “It is not bound by age, gender, culture, race or socioeconomic status. People need to be more aware of grooming behaviours to identify potential sexual harm.”
2. Grooming takes place over time in five different stages.
“When reading through the information [from Bravehearts], the penny dropped for me in terms of things I experienced as a young child,” Amelia said.
There are five stages of grooming:
- Victim selection
- Gaining access and isolation
- Trust development
- Desensitisation to sexual content and physical contact
- Post-abuse maintenance (ensuring silence)
“Some examples of grooming include trying to isolate the child to be alone, giving the child extra attention, gift giving, inappropriate sexual language, exposing themselves, keeping secrets and making threats,” Amelia said.
“It can start out appearing innocent, but with each stage, the grooming is more calculated.”
3. Grooming targets adults, as well as children.
Alison Geale, CEO of Bravehearts, warned that grooming is a calculated process used by perpetrators, often in plain sight.
“Grooming doesn’t look like danger; it looks like kindness, helpfulness, and trustworthiness. Offenders deliberately present as ‘good people’ – the kind who offer to help with school pickups, coach the footy team, or spend time with your child one-on-one under the guise of care,” she said.
“And it is not just the child who is targeted. Groomers also manipulate parents, carers, schools, and organisations, building credibility so suspicions are dismissed and access to the child is easier to maintain. That’s why it’s so critical we learn to identify behaviours that may seem harmless but are actually red flags.”
4. Most victims of child sexual abuse are not confident talking about it.
Many people do not disclose child sexual abuse until adulthood; some never disclose to anyone. Of those who do disclose in their lifetime, less than half (43 per cent) disclose during childhood, the 2017 Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse found. Only one in five people feel confident talking to a child or parent about sexual abuse. On average, it takes almost 24 years for victims and survivors to speak about what happened to them.
“Education programs from early childhood can help prevent child sexual assault,” Amelia said. “I visited a few childcare centres with the Bravehearts Education Team as they ran their Ditto program [which teaches young children essentially personal safety skills in an age-appropriate way]. The children were engaged and learning. And that is why this Grooming campaign is essential.
“Prevention is better than the cure, meaning if the information we are talking to people about resonates, we are potentially saving children from what can be lifelong trauma.”
5. Allies and supporters play a greater role than they know.
For Amelia, having trustworthy people in your corner is an essential part of recovery.
“On a personal level I think just being there, keeping you safe, believing you, offering support and not forcing a survivor to speak, is a perfect role [for allies] to play in the life of a survivor,” she said.
“After being betrayed, having people in your life who are by your side with the very best intentions is what is needed.
“Systemically, survivors need people who are open and willing to learn from their experiences and subsequently have the courage to make changes for a brighter future. Our allies listen to us and act to make the systems more efficient.”
Why Amelia is speaking out about her experience
Overcoming child sexual abuse is not easy. “There are times when I struggle, and there are times when life is great,” she said.
She has sought professional help for years for phobias and anxiety, and at 18 years old was formally diagnosed with severe ADHD and borderline personality disorder, stemming from childhood trauma.
Yet while she initially found it hard to open up about the trauma, particularly to family members (“you want to be normal”), she’s since found power in sharing her story. She’s also on track to complete a double-degree in law and political science / international relations at Griffith University, with plans to use her degree to help young people. She also now works in fundraising, public speaking, campaigning, and as a member of the Australian Child Rights Taskforce.
“The more advocacy work I did, the more willing I became to share my story. For me, I thought there was a stigma attached to my past, but with time, I realised this was an internalised struggle,” Amelia said.
“The more I speak, the more survivors will speak out.”
What can you do if you suspect a child is in danger?
A big step for parents, caretakers, and the general community comes from arming themselves with as much information as they can — including learning from the stories of survivors like Amelia. Because after all, the better you understand the issue, the better you’re placed to spot the red flags.
For starters, it’s important to recognise any potential signs of sexual abuse. Are they being more distant or clingy than usual? Are they showing knowledge of sexual behaviours beyond their age? Are they acting out or being aggressive? Are there new or unusual fears, around being alone, being touched, or being with a particular person?
Then, it’s vital to have the tools ready to navigate these talks if a young person were to disclose something like this. This means listening carefully to what they have to say, reassuring them you believe them, and importantly, letting them know that it’s not their fault. It’s also important to let them know that, while it might be upsetting or incredibly scary, you will need to tell someone about this to keep them safe.
When having the talk, professionals say it’s important to not use any leading or direct questions, and not force the young person to talk about it more than they already have.
After this, it’s crucial to know where and how to report child abuse or suspected abuse. You can phone Triple Zero (000) if it’s an emergency or if you believe a child is in immediate danger or in a life-threatening situation. For non-life threatening situations, reporting methods differ between states and territories (find out more HERE).
And finally, Bravehearts offers free resources on their website to help parents and caregivers learn about protecting children from sexual abuse, or you can call the support line on 1800 272 831 (Mon to Fri 8.30am to 4.30pm AEST).
Help is available.
If you’re in distress, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or chat online. If it’s an emergency, please call 000.
Under 25? You can reach the Kids Helpline at 1800 55 1800 or chat online.
The post ‘I’m A Survivor Of Child Sexual Abuse: This Is What I Want Every Aussie To Know’ appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
