Do you ever feel like you are “chasing” someone? Perhaps you text first. You are also the one making all the plans. Consequently, you wait by the phone. This dynamic feels awful. It is rooted in anxiety and scarcity. In short, you are trying to *get* love from an external source. The secret, however, is to shift your energy. You need to stop chasing and start attracting. This powerful change is an inside job. Ultimately, it begins and ends with radical self-love.
What “Chasing” Energy Actually Looks Like
“Chasing” is a state of panic. It shows up in specific behaviors. For example, you might text them again, even if they never replied. You may also over-analyze their every word. Perhaps you even change your own plans just to be available for them. This energy essentially screams, “Please pick me!” This desperation, unfortunately, often pushes people away. In fact, it signals that you do not value yourself. People are drawn to those who value themselves.
Why We Chase: The Fear of Scarcity
Why do we chase? Often, the reason is fear. We might believe love is a limited resource. This leads to thinking, “If I lose this person, I’ll be alone forever.” This scarcity mindset, as a result, puts all our focus on the other person. We try to control the outcome and, in the process, abandon our own needs. We forget that we are the prize. True love cannot thrive in this state of fear. It only thrives in abundance.
The First Step: Become Your Own Source
To stop chasing and start attracting, you must change your source. Stop looking for validation, love, and happiness *outside* of yourself. You must become your own source. This is the foundation of self-love. So, how do you do this? For starters, you honor your own feelings. You also keep promises to yourself. You learn to treat yourself with the same kindness you desperately want from others. In short, you date yourself.
“Attracting” Is About Wholeness, Not Emptiness
“Attracting” energy is different. It is calm, confident, and whole. You are not a half-person looking for another half. Instead, you are a whole person looking for another whole person. This energy comes from a full cup. For instance, you are happy with your life. You have hobbies, friends, and goals. A partner, therefore, becomes a wonderful addition, not a desperate necessity. This wholeness is magnetic.
Practical Self-Love: Set Boundaries and Mean Them
Self-love is not just bubble baths. It is an active practice. A major part of this, for example, is setting boundaries. You must stop accepting low-effort behavior. If someone only texts you late at night, stop replying. Likewise, if they cancel plans repeatedly, stop making time for them. This is not a game. Rather, it is you teaching the world how you demand to be treated. Ultimately, the highest form of self-love is self-protection.
Fill Your Own Cup (Literally)
How do you fill your cup? You invest in yourself. For instance, take that class you’ve been considering. You could also go to the gym. Read a book in the park. Even take yourself on a solo date to a nice restaurant. When you create a life you genuinely love, you stop *needing* someone else to make you happy. This joy is radiant. Indeed, it is the core of “attracting.” People are drawn to joy.
Observe Your Scarcity Triggers
When do you feel the urge to chase? Is it when you are lonely on a Friday night? Is it when you see an ex with someone new? Notice these triggers. When you feel that panic, pause. Do not act on it. Instead, do something kind for yourself. For example, go for a walk. Or, call a friend. You could even write in a journal. You must break the cycle of reacting from fear.
You Attract What You *Are*, Not What You *Want*
You can’t force someone to value you. However, you can value yourself so much that they have to rise to your level. This is the shift from chasing to attracting. It is not a trick. It is a profound change in your personal energy. When you become the love you seek, you will no longer chase it. You will simply attract it.
What is one way you practice self-love to feel more whole? Share your ideas in the comments.
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The post How to Stop “Chasing” and Start “Attracting” Using Self-Love appeared first on Budget and the Bees.
