Creating a proper Super Bowl viewing party isn’t just a matter of getting a properly enormous television to broadcast Tony Romo’s nonsensical rants in high definition. It’s also about creating a nurturing environment from which to absorb Romo’s garbage and the possibility of a big game blowout.
And, in one of the few cases it’s not only tolerated but expected on a Sunday evening, that involves beer.
Finding the right beers can be a daunting task, especially if you live in a place where the liquor lineups take up roughly the same square footage of a standard grocery store. And since I happen to live in one of these places, I’m gonna toss in my Wisconsin-specific recommendations alongside the brews you can find just about anywhere in the U.S.
Here’s where you should start — and where you should finish — to create a crowd-pleasing Super Bowl 58 beer lineup.
1
The common denominator
Light beers are the best-selling beers in America for a reason. Maybe people don’t love them, but pretty much anyone who’s OK with beer can drink them. That, coupled with the fact most folks have work the next morning, make a light lager the proper base for your Super Bowl lineup.
These beers are the SiriusXM PopRocks station of beers. Sure, no one’s out here looking for it, but if it’s on the background, only a real dork is gonna complain. This should make up about 40 percent of your party’s booze lineup.
The Wisconsin option: New Glarus’s Spotted Cow
This is the part of the column where I throw in the disclaimer that while Spotted Cow is great, it’s roughly the eighth-best beer New Glarus makes. It’s an easy-drinking farmhouse ale that no one objects to. That’s why it’s on tap at every single bar, from upper crust to townie, across America’s Dairyland (but nowhere else, that’s illegal).
The non-midwestern option: Miller/Coors/Bud Light
Don’t overthink this one. Grab the kind of beer you’d find at a stadium or atop the tap list at Buffalo Wild Wings. It’s fine.
Bonus points if you can find a light lager from a local spot, especially if it’s an older brewery.
2
The fancy (boozy) IPA
The best selling pale ale in America packs a punch. New Belgium’s Voodoo Ranger imperial IPA found a sweet spot nestled in a Venn diagram of craft(ish) brewing bonafides, taste and booze: cost ratio (nine percent ABV at $9.49 per six pack at my local Woodman’s) that appeals to a wide swath of beer drinkers.
This leaves room to satisfy the hop snobs and folks looking to get the most bang for their buck with the one or two beers they’ll drink. Fortunately, there’s no short supply of bold, boozy beers that bring big flavors to the table for the more experienced sippers out there.
The Wisconsin option: Hop Haus’s Magic Dragon
The Verona-based brewery’s double IPA is also its flagship (along with a great Scotch ale called Plaid Panther). A potent dose of fruity, floral notes helps balance out the hops for a complex beer that’s never bitter and doesn’t feel like something that clocks in at 8.2 percent ABV.
The non-midwestern option: SweetWater Gummies
Let’s take that fruity, hoppy phase one step further with the Atlanta, Georgia-based brewery’s push toward the limits of what an IPA can be. Gummies’ fruit punch offering earned an “A” grade when I reviewed it earlier this year thanks to it’s balance between sweet juicy flavors and bold floral hops.
3
The classic German(ish)
This is a hit for the “beer should taste like beer” crowd. These malty brews bring smooth drinking flavor without a ton of alcohol. They’re equal parts poundable and sippable, a proper halfway point between the ethereal qualities of a light beer and the occasionally-too-hard effort of a pale ale.
The Wisconsin option: Lakefront’s Riverwest Stein
The longtime Milwaukee staple offers a year-round amber ale that clocks in with plenty of malt and full-bodied flavor. A little light hoppiness makes it an easy beer to come back to.
The non-midwestern option: Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse Dunkel
A blend of two of the styles the Germans do best; a wheaty hefeweizen crossed with a malty dunkel. This dark lager is damn near perfect; roasty and smooth and a little bit sweet. It’s easy to drink and tough to get sick of, which is all I ask of a beer. Otherwise, you can’t go wrong with any brand that has its own tent at Munich’s Oktoberfest — Lowenbrau, Spaten, Paulaner, Augustiner, Hacker-Pschorr or Hofbrau.
4
The lighter, fruitier option
Friends, we’re in seltzer town. Or canned cocktail town, since each of these styles have seen an explosion onto liquor store shelves over the last decade. For good reason, too; they’re pretty damn drinkable.
This will cover the non-beer folks at the party who still want an alcoholic option. You may still want a bottle, or box, of wine handy as well.
The Wisconsin option: Karben4 Hard Seltzer
It’s not my style, but for a hard seltzer it gets the job done. The strawberry kiwi is probably the best flavor, even if I wouldn’t drink it over anything else on this list.
The non-midwestern option: Topo Chico Spirited
The sparkling water staple ventured into the booze world to fantastic results. Topo Chico has a hard seltzer that’s solid, but the company’s canned cocktails bring a little more power to the equation while maintaining the almost creamy carbonation for which the brand is known.
5
The non-alcoholic option
We’re just outside of Dry January, but a solid lineup of booze-free drinks is a perpetual must-have at any party. Sure, a couple cans of Coke Zero is always an easy win. Here’s how you can go above and beyond.
The Wisconsin option: Sprecher Root Beer, Puma Kola, and Orange Dream
Sprecher began life exclusively as a brewery. As it evolved and realized kids needed something to drink on its tours, it added a house-made root beer to the mix. Now that root beer out-sells the company’s entire beer portfolio on its own.
Sprecher’s root beer is great, but it’s not the undisputed king of its soft drink empire when it comes to taste. Puma Kola is a caffeine-free cola that pours like velvet and gives way to subtle, sweet vanilla. The Orange Dream is a melted down, carbonated creamsicle. Do yourself a favor and keep these refrigerated rather than pouring over ice — they’re way, way better that way.
The non-midwestern option: Athletic Brewing’s Upside Dawn Golden Ale
Athletic makes the closest thing I’ve ever tasted to a traditional beer in an alcohol-limited (less than 0.5 percent ABV) format. It’s a proper upgrade from O’Douls. Their Upside Dawn is a full flavored beer without any of the booze, and while the Ready Front IPA may be a bit more divisive it’s still pretty dang good.
