I don’t understand why my husband can never be the one to make the first move. I used to be quite proud of being sexually assertive, and found it exciting, but now the repetition has become boring. He’s not passive outside the bedroom – quite the opposite. How can I get him to be an occasional caveman?
Some people are comfortable switching roles between sexual dominance and passivity, others are not. If your husband has a limited sexual script that is based on receptive eroticism, it may not be very easy for him to become aroused in an initiating role. And he may even become resentful if you try to goad him out of his preferred position.
Gently test his flexibility by giving him a very specific request – with clear instructions – about how exactly you would like to be approached. Of course, this is veiled dominance, but you may need to play that game, to begin with.
The exchange of power in any relationship – whether sexual or not – is complex and dynamic. It is no surprise that your non-sexual roles are different as this is common among couples.
Think carefully about your sexual identity and whether you are prepared to allow your established sexual power dynamic to become unbalanced; such a move could risk the loss of your mutual erotic spark.
