When Rachel first met her "charming" ex-boyfriend at a house party as a teenager he seemed like the perfect man. They began dating, and at first, everything seemed great.
But after a few months the fairy-tale he'd spun began to unravel. Rachel, which isn't her real name, started noticing his "spiteful" and "narcissistic" traits. He isolated her from her family, and stopped her speaking to her young daughter - who lived apart from her.
Then, around a year into their relationship, the physical abuse started. He would go missing for days at a time, and giving the mum-of-one reason to suspect he'd been cheating on her.
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But when she questioned him about it, his reaction was terrifying. "He would push me into things, slap me, and broke three of my phones in six months," Rachel said.
"When it wasn't physical it was emotional. He would make snide remarks saying nobody liked me, and that nobody wanted me. It was just narcissistic behaviour, saying I was never going to find anyone like him."
At the end of her tether, Rachel broke up with him. But, a couple of years later, when the coronavirus pandemic hit, Rachel recalled how her ex 'wormed his way' back into her life, and the pair agreed to move in together.
This time round, the abuse got worse. She described feeling "suicidal" due to the trauma, and the violence became so bad, she feared he would kill her.
"I found out that he had been cheating again, this time with a neighbour," Rachel said. "I ended up leaving my phone on record in the house and that's how I discovered the secret.
"When I confronted him about it he flipped. He said I was lying and he slapped me to the point that I passed out. I was left with an awful big black eye for weeks."
It was at this point that Rachel finally decided to call the police, but the case never made it court. "I never got any justice for what he did to me," she added.
Rachel, now in her twenties, wants to use her own horrific story to urge other victims of domestic violence to speak up and report their abuser to the police sooner than she did.
"Every day I have flashbacks," she said. "It still feels like I'm back in that violent relationship. I'm glad I'm not anymore because I did feel like he could have killed me when we were together.
"I just want my story to be out there and I want to encourage people to speak up. I just wish I'd gone to the police a lot earlier because I wouldn't have to deal with all of this trauma.
"Speak to someone like a close friend, or if you don't feel safe going back home, speak to a support group. That's what I wish I'd have done myself. I felt isolated, suicidal, I just didn’t want to be here. I felt like I’d lost myself. I am still trying to get back to myself."
Domestic Abuse Helplines
- Women can call The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night. The staff will offer confidential, non-judgemental information and support
- Talk to a doctor, health visitor or midwife
- Men can call Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday and Wednesday, 9am to 8pm, and Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, 9am to 5pm) for non-judgemental information and support
- Men can also call ManKind on 0182 3334 244 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm)
- If you identify as LGBT+ you can call Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support
- Anyone can call Karma Nirvana on 0800 5999 247 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) for forced marriage and honour crimes. You can also call 020 7008 0151 to speak to the GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit
- In an emergency, call 999
You can also email for support. It is important that you specify when and if it is safe to respond and to which email address:
- Women can email helpline@womensaid.org.uk. Staff will respond to your email within 5 working days
- Men can email info@mensadviceline.org.uk
- LGBT+ people can email help@galop.org.uk
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