I was streaming the latest Married At First Sight (MAFS) Commitment Ceremony when I saw the news: Mel Schilling had passed away, aged just 54. It was less than a fortnight ago that she announced her cancer had spread to her brain and become untreatable. I was shocked. I didn’t know Mel personally, but I’ve spent three months with her every year for the last decade. Many of us have.
As I looked back at my TV screen, there she was, in a bright purple dress and matching eye shadow, beaming as she delivered her expert advice to the contestants of MAFS 2026. Brightening up a room was a skill of hers, but I’m talking about so much more than the colourful wardrobe choices. It was a surreal experience to finish the episode knowing she is no longer alive, and an even more confusing one as I began to grieve the loss of this remarkable woman.
Mel joined the juggernaut reality show MAFS in 2016 during its second season, working as an expert on the show right up until its current 13th season — which will continue to air through until early April. Like many Australians, I have intently watched the program since it started in 2015, but, as an entertainment writer, I’ve also closely reported on and recapped the months-long experiment as it was unfolding, year after year, season after season. I’m more likely to remember what happened at a MAFS Dinner Party in 2022 than I am what I ate at my own dinner table last night.
@pedestriantv This commitment ceremony should be interesting. Catch up on We’ve Done The MAFS with @Recovering Party Girl+ @Chantelle Schmidt on Spotify and 9now ahead of tonight. #mafs #mafsaustralia #marriedatfirstsightaustrailia #ptv #wevedonethemafs ♬ original sound – PEDESTRIAN.TV
And while we can never predict the behaviour of the participants or where indeed they “find these people”, it’s the MAFS experts — Mel, Alessandra Rampolla and John Aiken — that continue to be a comforting constant and voice of reason within the chaos and growing (or falling) relationships. Each has their own role and unique contribution to the show and its success.
Mel, in particular, was extremely endearing to watch. She had a genuine excitement and passion for love and relationships, from start to finish of every season, something that couldn’t be ignored with that grin of hers continuously lighting up our television screens.
Whether she was applauding the matches’ first kisses as she sat across from them at Commitment Ceremonies, or tilting her head in adoration as they walked into a dinner party hand-in-hand, Mel would consistently beam as the couples progressed throughout the season. She loved love. And in a world that can feel acutely cynical at times — especially when you’re talking about a show with such a disastrous success rate — Mel’s optimism on Wednesday and Sunday nights was the dose of positivity so many of us needed, sometimes without even realising it.
What was powerful about Mel was that she didn’t let her desire for a positive outcome in these relationships hinder her professional judgement. She was the perfect balance of optimism and realism. She was not one to let something slide, especially problematic patterns on both the giving and receiving ends, for the sake of a seemingly happy ending. She would carefully (and expertly) educate the cast on problematic behaviours when she became aware of them, from explaining hypocrisy to Harrison Boon, to addressing Sara Mesa’s “alarming” body language and how Selin Mengu calling Anthony Cincotta a “princess” was demeaning. She enabled her couch sessions to invite serious self-reflection, a true testament to her more than 20 years as a professional therapist.
She never failed to stick up for the person who needed it. A recent episode, in which she comforted Stephanie Marshall through the demise of her relationship with Tyson Gordon, was a special insight into just how much genuine compassion she had for the cast. It can be easy to believe the show is a full-blown performance, but Mel’s moments of genuine care for the people on Married At First Sight couldn’t be ignored — whether it’s in a small gesture of not letting a woman sit crying, alone and vulnerable on a couch after being humiliated, or calling out someone’s spouse for using hurtful language.
Perhaps a favourite of mine was when Mel and John teamed up to show Jack Dunkley what real love looks like.
When Dunkley described his feelings for Tori Adams by the fact that he was “sleeping really well”, John asked how Mel’s husband, Gareth Brisbane, would describe how he felt about her. Mel met Gareth at 39 after meeting on the dating website eHarmony, and she gave birth to their daughter, Maddie, at 42.
Mel turned to Aiken during that Commitment Ceremony and explained that Gareth would say she’s his soulmate and the one. Not only did it give us a peek into John and Mel’s friendship, but it also gave us insight into Mel’s romantic relationship.
When Gareth announced the news of Mel’s passing on March 24, he wrote on Instagram, “To most of you, she was Mel Schilling — matriarch of MAFS and queen of reality TV. To Maddie and me, she was our wee Melsie: an incredible mum, role model, and soulmate.”
With a love story like theirs, it’s no surprise Mel was full of optimism and had an overall sense of bursting happiness. You could literally feel that joy through the screen, and her absence will absolutely be felt by viewers across the world.
Mel’s psychology expertise and effective communication made her an invaluable expert on MAFS. Her love of love, and unwavering ability to root for the couples, challenged our pessimism while watching a show that sometimes expects it from us. Mel taught us a lot about love, life, hope and compassion that I personally have been able to apply to my own relationships — and for that, I’m super grateful.
But what Mel really brought to MAFS is something I can’t quite explain. An energy and charisma that can only be felt, even through a screen — and one that will leave a gaping hole in every season of the show from here on in.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can follow her on Instagram here.
Image source: 9Now.
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