Match reports
Full-times:
Scotland 1-0 Denmark
France 4-2 Russia
Luxembourg 0-2 Albania
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GOAL! England 1-2 Holland (Narsingh 77)
Why read my description of it when i) I didn’t see it and ii) Scott Murray has already written this: Bazoer slides a ball down the inside-left channel for Janssen, who strongly shoulder-charges Jagielka off the ball and reaches the byline. He’s got time to look up and think. He pulls the ball back to Narsingh, coming in from the right. Narsingh batters the ball into the net, no fuss.
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Full-times:
Sweden 1-1 Czech Republic
Switzerland 0-2 Bosnia & Herzegovina
Austria 1-2 Turkey
Portugal 2-1 Belgium
Full-time: Ireland 2-2 Slovakia
James McClean interviewed on the pitch afterwards explains that he took the second penalty because Long felt sore after being fouled by Skrtel. It was, apparently, the first penalty that McClean has taken as a pro.
GOAL! France 4-2 Russia (Coman 76)
A magnificent goal by the youngster, who beats the keeper to the ball, performs a deft contortionist trick and turns the ball into the net!
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Full-time: Germany 4-1 Italy
A more focused performance by Germany, and a woeful one by Italy, who looked disjointed and lethargic. Even worse for the visitors, they lost Bonucci to a serious-looking groin injury.
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France’s Jérémy Mathieu becomes the latest player to be struck down during this round of friendlies.
Important notice from Aston Villa, which they're revealing now in the hope that you may not actually notice it:
Rémi Garde has been handed a one-way ticket back to whence he came. A promising managerial career disrupted by an awful decision to take the job at Villa Park, where, you suspect, he did not find what he had been led to believe he might.
GOAL! France 3-2 Russia (Zhirkov 68)
France’s weakness is their defence. Russia exploited that with a nifty one-two between Zhirkov and Shatov before the former finishes emphatically.
“In this round of friendlies, it seems three players have suffered long-term ligament injuries, Leonardo Bonnuci, Rob Elliot and Quincy Promes,” fumes ROb Edwards, quick on the diagnosis. “International friendlies are again impacting multimillion pound matches at club level.”
GOAL! Germany 4-1 Italy (El Sharaawy 82)
Italy save no face at all as El Sharaawy’s shot from 20 yards takes a gigantic deflection off Rudiger and floats over ter Stegen.
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@Paul_Doyle watching the Scotland game I'm amazed that both haven't qualified. I'm also amazed I appear to have finished a bottle of wine.
— Tony Reekie (@TonyReekie) March 29, 2016
GOAL! France 3-1 Russia (Payet 64)
A trademark freekick from a player who simply must be included in Didier Deschamps’ final squad!
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GOAL! Portugal 2-1 Belgium (Lukaku 62)
Romelu Lukaku had not scored for his country in over a year, and now we know what was missing: his little brother! Left-back Jordan Lukaku sends in a cross that Romelu can’t help but divert into the net!
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GOAL! Germany 4-0 Italy (Ozil pen 75)
Buffon slides out feet first as if on a toboggan, and takes down Rudiger. THe keeper then drops the wrong way as Ozil drives the spotkick into the top corner.
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GOAL! England 1-1 Holland (Van Janssen pen 50)
Rose punished for handling Narsingh’s cross. Forster can’t get a hand to Van Janseen’s spotkick.
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Arda Turan has put Turkey 2-1 up in Austria with, um, a goal. Would love to shed more light on that, but didn’t see it. Let’s just imagine a couple of keepie-uppies followed by a bicycle kick from 60 yards. What a beauty!
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GOAL! Switzerland 0-2 Bosnia & Herzegovina (Pjanic 57)
A sumptuous freekick from the Roma man. It looked something like this:
That moment. Dr Miralem Pjanic. pic.twitter.com/cLLr82Z30p
— BiHfootball (@BiHFootball) March 29, 2016
GOAL! Germany 3-0 Italy (Hector 59)
Hector claims his first international goal finishing off a tippy-tappy German move. Bonucci appeared to twist his knee as he tried to disrupt it, and has been taken off on a stretcher. That just adds to Italy’s blues.
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Ker-pow! Naingollan unleashes a thunderblast of a freekick from 25 yards. But Rui Patricio bats it away, then looks for a bucket of ice for his hands...
“Italy are playing with the same lacklustre attitude tonight that Germany showed against England,” reckons Bernard Butler. “So whatever the result, it’ll mean absolutely nothing. Just like England’s win on Saturday. Utterly pointless games, as the England team will soon find out. Low ‘testing’ Ozil as a defensive midfielder says it all.”
Have to love McClean taking the 2nd pen. Important to get as many used to it now, as the Euro 2016 final may well come down to penalties.
— Balls.ie (@ballsdotie) March 29, 2016
England 1-0 Holland (Vardy 41)
A lovely move, finished efficiently by Vardy from a cross by Walker.
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Worrying injury: Rob Elliott carried off on a stretcher
The Irish keeper appears to have injured his knee. It doesn’t look good for his Euro hopes, nor for Newcastle’s Premier League survival plans. They face Norwich this weekend.
GOAL! France 2-0 Russia (Gignac 38)
Griezmann clips across into the box and Gignac nods it into the bottom corner.
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Some half-times:
Portgual 2-0 Belgium
Germany 2-0 Italy
Scotland 1-0 Denmark
Ireland 2-2 Slovakia
GOAL! Ireland 2-2 Slovakia (McShane og 45)
Don’t mock. The defender was slightly unfortunate. He had to try to get to the cross before Vittek, and doing while not chesting the ball past his own keeper was a trick he couldn’t quite pull off.
GOAL! Germany 2-0 Italy (Gotze 45)
That was alarmingly easy for Germany. Muller dabbed a ball into the danger area, and Gotze leapt with determination to send a downward header into the net, as Matteo Darmian did some impromptu stretching in the general vicinity.
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GOAL! Scotland 1-0 Denmark (Ritchie 8)
Daniel Agger shows he could still fit right in to the Liverpool defence by getting in a mess with his keeper, allowing Ritchie to nip in and clatter the ball past the keeper at the near post.
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GOAL! Portugal 2-0 Belgium (Ronaldo 39)
It was coming. Joao Mario clipped a fine cross in from the left, and Ronado surged from deep to power a header into the net from close range. The Belgian defenders had positioned themselves perfectly to enjoy a clear view of their most dangerous opponent putting the ball into their net.
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Full-time: Greece 2-3 Iceland
Sigthorsson completed an impressive comeback by the Icelanders with a late header from another cross by Sigurdsson.
Belgium are all over the shop against Portugal. But Dreis Mertens has just threatened with a decent run and shot from 20 yards. Rui Patricio held it without too much bother, and we can now expect the more fluid-looking Portuguese to resume their pursuit of a second goal.
Austria and Turkey are drawing 1-1 at half-time, by the way. Junuzovic scored for the Austrians, and Calhanoglu for the visitors.
GOAL! France 1-0 Russia (Kanté 8)
The N’Golo Kanté fairytale continues! He marks his first start for his country with his first goal ... and on his birthday, to boot! He collected a pass from Griezmann and sent a shot past Akinfeev into the far corner. Is there nothing these Leicester sensations can’t do?
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Germany are 1-0 up against Italy, but that’s no reason for the DFB not to jettison Jogi Low and bring in our man Stefan immediately. He’s even got his manifesto ready: “Thanks for offering a wish-me-something, or a ‘Wunschkonzert’, as we say here. My ideal XI is: Goal: Neuer, with Trapp as his No2 (by a mile). Back four: Hummels Boateng and two of Schmelzer, Durm, Ginter, Höwedes for fullbacks. Also try the Moenchengladbach kids Jantschke and Korb, and Joshua Kimmich.Since Boateng is out, Mustafi is actually ok. PLEASE no Rudy, no Hector, they remind us of the dark age after 2000. Rüdiger needs time. Holding midfielders: Kroos Khedira. Front four: Gündogan, Özil, Müller, Reus. Subs: Schürrle, Götze, Gomez, Draxler, Schweinsteiger, Weigl, Kimmich for more attacking minded variations.”
GOAL! Ireland 2-1 Slovakia (24 pen)
Long eschews the spotkick this time, having again been fouled to earn it. It was Skrtel who couldn’t cope with Long (now why does that sound familiar?) James McClean does the necessary from the spot.
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GOAL! Ireland 1-1 Slovakia (Long pen 21)
A dubious decision by the referee to award Ireland a penalty after Hoolahan went down under a challenge by the keeper, who appeared to get some of the ball. Long converts.
GOAL! Germany 1-0 Italy (Kroos 24)
Müller’s cross from the right was deflected into the path of Kroos, who guided it into the bottom corner from 20 yards. And Buffon wasn’t even injured this time.
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GOAL! Portugal 1-0 Belgium (Nani)
A smart finish by Nani, curling it past Courtois in the Thierry Henry style after some slipshod defending by Belgium.
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GOAL! Switzerland 0-1 Bosnia & Herzogovina (Dzeko 14)
“It was a lovely goal,” writes Nigel, who, unlike me, saw it. “Dzeko waited till his team-mate was onside, then fired a low shot past a defender and the keeper.”
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GOAL! Ireland 0-1 Slovakia (Stoch 14)
After a dreary start, Slovakia draw first blood. Erik Sabo romped free free down the right and pulled the ball back for Miroslav Stoch, who tonked it past Rob Elliot. Ireland have kept six clean sheets in their last nine matches and would have been confident of doing so again tonight only because Slovakia failed to score against Latvia last weekend, rather than because of the make-up of the Irish defence, which is anything but comforting.
GOAL! Sweden 1-1 Czech Republic (Vydra 26)
Sivok sends a dangerous ball across the face of goal, where Vydra arrives to nod into the net.
GOAL! Greece 2-2 Iceland (Ingason 70)
Gylfi Sigurdsson floats in a lovely cross, and Sverrir Ingi Ingason nuts it into the net from near the penalty spot.
Hector swaps passes with Müller down the left, then cuts on to his right foot and lets fly from 18 yards. Easy save for Buffon.
“As a German, I have to say the German line-up is pretty shocking again,” stormrs Stfean. “Hector, Rudy, Rüdiger, all three, but strangely, no Khedira. There is a rising feeling that we need to cut that Jogi-Stuttgart connection at some point since the manager and his team are the weakest link. With this group against Italy – no chance. No real balance, lack of quality at some crucial points, and disregard of in-form players.” Tell us, Stefan, what would be your ideal XI?
Full-time: Egypt 1-0 Nigeria
Champions in 2013, Nigeria will miss out on the Africa Cup of Nations for the second tournament in a row. This slick Egyptian team will grace next year’s showpiece in Gabon.
Iwobi, with his thrust and assertive passing, has made a real difference since coming on for Nigeria. But Egypt were the better side for most of the match and will deserve their victory if they can hang on for one more minute ...
Brilliant scenes in Alexandria as Egyptian defenders hurls themselves in front of a series of Nigeria shots in order to protect their lead! It’s hair-raising, helter-skelter stuff!
GOAL! Sweden 1-0 Czech Republic (Berg 14)
From a cross by Martin Olsson, Berg drives a left-footed shot into the bottom corner.
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The pressure from Nigeira is mounting now, as Ighalo pokes a shot just wide from 12 yards following a mass scramble in the Egyptian box. It’s going to be a dicey last five minutes for the hosts...
With seven minutes to go, Nigeria spring to life .... and Victor Moses nearly snatches an equaliser! He cracked off a low bobbler from the edge of the area, and it beat the keeper but bounced out off the post! He was denied by the upright in the first match against Egypt too! There’s the cue for anyone who wants to lament the fine margins between success and failure, etc and so on.
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“Hello,” writes Daniel Angbom. What a polite man. Bloody rubbish emailer, though.
Hector Cuper is maniacally urging his team to ensure they to not try to rest on their 1-0 lead in Alexandria. He’s waving his players forward with both arms, like a paddling man trying to generate an enormous wave with two hands and mighty willpower. At the moment you’d say he’s far more likely to get his wish than Nigeria are to equalise, as the visitors have offered nothing since falling behind.
“I am glad to see there is love for Sakho outside the ranks of redmen,” croons Ian Copestake. “He always seems extra assured playing for France with, as far as I can remember, none of those giraffe on a skateboard stylings that endear him to us anyway.” I’m not certain that he ever seems assured. It’s his visible concentration, and fearlessness at the prospect of repeat offending, that I love.
GOAL! EGypt 1-0 Nigeria (Emam 66')
Nigeria look like they’re going to miss out on the Africa Cup of Nations for the second time in a row! Egypt have dominated this match but needed a mightily scrappy goal to take the lead. A corner by Salah was cleared to the edge of the area, whereupon the ball was sent popping all around the box before Eman’s mis-hit shot took a nick off a defender and trickled into the net!
The Italy team v Germany:
Italy: Buffon; Acerbi, Bonucci, Darmian, Giaccherini; Montolivo, Motta, Florenzi; Insigne, Bernardeschi, Zaza.
“The Ireland starting eleven tonight features the names of several prominent figures from American political history,” drones Ciaran Morrissey. “There’s Long (a 1930’s populist governor and U.S. Senator from Louisiana), McCarthy (the surname of both a Cold War-era anti-communist senator from Wisconsin, as well as an anti-Vietnam War presidential candidate in 1968), and Christie (the beefy New Jersey governor who recently dropped out of this year’s Republican primary). It will be interesting to see if any other teams playing tonight can boast historic American names in the lineup.” Come, come, Ciaran, that is rather cavalier deployment of the word “interesting”.
Here’s the Scotland team taking on Denmark:
Scotland: Gordon, Whittaker, Tierney, Greer, Hanley, Mulgrew, Ritchie, Brown, Fletcher, Griffiths, Anya.
Arnor Trautason has pulled a goal back for Iceland in Greece, who still lead 2-1 thanks to a brace from Konstantinos Fortounis.
“Congratulations on slipping in the first rhetorical figure - metalepsis - of the evening,” squawks Charles Antaki. “The idea of O’Neill tailoring his team selection versus Slovakia according to the progress of Egypt v Nigeria is a novel one, but Ireland selections have been made on much more random criteria.” I hope you’re not suggesting Paul McShane owes his 37 caps to some kind of raffle?
Here’s the France team that will take on Russia. That back four could be the one that starts in the Euros if Sakho impresses sufficiently to oust Koscielny. And let’s hope he does, since there are few sights in football as touching as an on-song Sakho.
France: Lloris, Sagna, Varane, Sakho, Evra; Diarra, Kanté, Pogba; Griezmann, Gignac, Martial.
No international start for PSG goalkeeper Kevin Trapp tonight, as Germany go with the following line-up against Italy:
Germany: Ter Stegen, Mustafi, Hector, Rudy, Hummels; Özil, Müller, Rüdiger, Kroos Götze, Draxler
Curious, not reckless, that Low has decided to deploy Hummels and Ozil when both seemed to pick up knocks against England on Saturday.
Here are the 10 men that James Milner will lead out tonight to face Holland. Plus Milner himself, obviously. There are eight changes to the side that confirmed England’s imminent conquest of Europe.
England: Forster, Walker, Rose, Smalling, Stones, Drinkwater, Barkley, Milner, Lallana, Vardy, Sturridge
As Egypt and Nigeria creep towards half-time with the scores still deadlocked, Martin O’Neill has named the Republic of Ireland team to face Slovakia. Here it is:
Ireland: Elliot; Christie, O’Shea, McShane, Ward; O’Kane, Whelan, McCarthy, Hoolahan; McClean; Long
Preamble:
Hello. Thanks for coming. We’ll spend the next couple of hours trying to keep up with a dizzying round of international fixtures, featuring Euro 2016 warm-ups from Europe as well as important Africa Cup of Nations qualifiers from, you’ve guessed it, Africa. You’ll all have your own ideas as to which are the most intriguing match-ups, but chances are that everyone will be keen to know what happens in:
- Germany, where Joachim Low’s fragile world champions will be trying to resemble a side likely to add the Europe title to their global crown. And Italy will be out to do what England, Ireland and very nearly Scotland did to them .
- Portugal, where a slightly injury-ravaged Belgium will be trying to prove that their world No1 status is not a statistical anomaly, while Romelu Lukaku will be trying to prove that his long scoreless streak for his country is indeed an anomaly easily rectified.
- France, where Blaise Matuidi will lead his country in their first appearance at their national stadium since last November’s murderous folly in Paris.
- Scotland, where Gordon Strachan looks likely to continue building for the future by blooding the 18-year-old Celtic left-back Kieran Tierney and the 21-year-old Hibs midfielder against Denmark.
- Egypt, where Nigeria could effectively be eliminated from the Africa Cup of Nations, meaning they will not have taken part in the event since winning it in 2013. Nigeria, of course, should have been thrown out of the tournament already as punishment for the dangerously stupid decisions that led to around 40,000 people cramming into the 16,000 Ahmadu Bello Stadium when the sides played out a 1-1 draw on Saturday. That result, by the by, extended Nigeria’s winless run against Egypt to 26 years. They need to end that tonight.
- Ireland, where Martin O’Neill is toying with an avant-garde formation with James McClean masquerading as a striker.
- Togo, where, we might as well tell you know, Emmanuel Adebayor failed to mark his return to international action, as the Sparrowhawks were held to a 0-0 draw by Tunisia.
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Paul will be here shortly. In the meantime, why not test your knowledge of world football with our terrifyingly exhaustive 80-question quiz?
