Nothing shows quite how much a politician cares about the striving working classes than a hard hat and a high-vis jacket, and in 2015 no politician was seen more frequently in the “northern powerhouse” accessories de nos jours than George Osborne. Especially after the election.
Before May, the chancellor had been kept under wraps – his face-to-face meetings with ordinary people restricted to the bare minimum because Conservative strategists were worried his personality was so toxic that exposure might cost them votes.
But with a Tory majority safely, if unexpectedly, in the bag, Osborne was let loose outside the M25 in his efforts to persuade the country that Britain really did have a thriving industrial sector and everyone had never had it so good. Even if they hadn’t.
April, East Sussex: “Nothing to do with me, guv. I told George I was having nothing to do with this one. He said the bag contained a load of hops but it looked to me to be suspiciously Zac Goldsmith shaped. Just look at the smile on George’s face. He’s enjoying every minute.”
April, Pudsey: One of the rare occasions George was let out on his own during the election campaign. “You all look terribly jolly, here,” he told the workers at the Britvic bottling factory. “You must love being part of the northern powerhouse.” “What we really love,” they replied, “is the chance to down tools for a couple of hours while you make a speech in our factory about productivity in the north.”
May, Farnworth tunnel: George’s first big day out up north after the election victory, to somewhere near Bolton. He seemed to think that upgrading the electricity supply to a tunnel constituted a monumental step forward to the lives of everyone north of Watford. I didn’t see it myself. I asked him: “You’re not going to create a silicon valley inside a tunnel, are you?” He didn’t seem to find that very funny. Sensing he was losing his temper, I complimented him on his designer specs.
July, Port Talbot: George was in a right grump. He hadn’t wanted to go to Wales in the first place. “Even I know it’s not in the northern powerhouse”, he had said. Once we got there he was tipped off that Tata was about to cut thousands of jobs in the British steel industry as it couldn’t compete with cheap Chinese imports.
September, China: The one perk of this job is the foreign travel. George travelled thousands of miles to Urumqi in north-west China to visit a haulage company that had just announced it might invest in England. The two blokes standing behind him weren’t at all impressed at his work rate. “Since you’ve bothered to come all this way,” they shouted, “you could at least give us a hand up here.” George pretended not to understand.
October, Berlin: Another overseas away day. Another struggle for George as he tried to persuade Angela Merkel that the “northern powerhouse” was going to be even bigger, better and more efficient than this Siemen’s factory. Angela just laughed. By the way, he added, do you think there’s any chance of securing a few more concessions from the EU? Not when you’re dressed like that, she said before starting to laugh again.
November, Essex: Having promised to build 250,000 starter homes that were marginally less unaffordable than ordinary homes, George decided the only way he could meet his target was by knocking up a few himself. Don’t worry, though, you won’t have to live in it. They knocked down the bits George had built the moment after he left.
