6/1: A triple Mitchell funeral
EastEnders’ previous form A Mitchell death is as traditional as turkey: lest we forget that time little Jamie was run over and his spleen finally gave out on Christmas Day.
This year’s going Entertainingly turbulent sisters Ronnie and Roxy are due to leave Walford and won’t go quietly, plus Phil’s failing liver could go bang any minute. Merry Christmas, Mitchell-style!
1,000/1: Tracy Barlow doesn’t kill anyone at the Corrie nativity
Coronation Street’s previous form There’s always an incident at the nativity: a drunk mother, a fight over the manger, and that time when Katy gave birth dressed as the Virgin Mary.
This year’s going It’s been a vintage 2016 for La Barlow, a woman so evil she “rooted for the iceberg” watching Titanic. She loves a festive punch-up and with a bag load of Barlows back on the street, she’s on fighting form.
5/1: A Dingle -dong merrily on high
Emmerdale’s previous form Hotten’s most wayward family, the Dingles have more festive rows than most. Patriarch Zak, with his face like a disappointed sheep, ran off with temptress Joanie last year.
This year’s going Scheming queen Charity is out of the picture, but her daughter Debbie is due to return and teen tearaway™ Belle is currently slaying the storylines. In summary, stand by for some proper soap carnage.
100/1: Archie Mitchell is resurrected on Christmas Day
EastEnders’ previous form Death is no barrier to a comeback in Walford. So it’ll take more than being killed on Christmas Day 2009 in a legendary lamping with that Queen Vic bust to stop evil Archie.
This year’s going After Larry Lamb’s success in I’m A Celebrity, a return to EastEnders has been touted, despite the finality of his demise. Suspend your disbelief and lock your doors.
4/5: The Gloved Hand Killer strikes again from beyond the grave
Hollyoaks’ previous form A rival to EastEnders for seasonal misery, the most eccentric soap of them all isn’t afraid to kill off favourites. RIP Ziggy, last year’s Christmas sacrifice. This year’s going The bodycount is already high, with Trevor, Jade, Nico and of course Lindsey among the casualties. What could possibly go right?
2/1: Max returns and seduces Kathy
EastEnders’ previous form There’s not a woman in Walford left untouched by the human baked bean of lust.
This year’s going Max is ripe for a return after being banged up for Lucy’s murder and will look to reap his revenge on Ian. What more delicious way than sleeping with Ian’s mum, who spent 2016 feasting on the aphrodisiac that is fishmonger Buster’s cockles?
