Once again stuck taking a seat and watching his teammates play _ this time because of a fractured foot and not a manager's pen _ Dexter Fowler enjoyed the Cardinals' August revival from afar, often on TV, his left leg locked in a boot and a scooter parked nearby.
The veteran outfielder tapped out text messages of congratulations or, sometimes, sarcasm. He cheered through the wins and winced a few times when a Cardinal didn't pick up the slider he knew was coming. Then, he quickly reminded himself of a good couch credo: It's "easier said than done." As the Cardinals, led by new manager Mike Shildt, usurped series and made their surging, surprising ambush on the postseason standings, Fowler couldn't help seeing something beyond the wins his teammates hoarded.
He saw the future.
He saw himself in it.
"Shoot, I'm watching what's happened and I'm excited for 2019," Fowler said this past week in the Cardinals' clubhouse as he slid a protective plate into his left shoe. "To see the strides these guys are taking. To see the young players. To see how they're playing for Shildty and see how that's happening. I think that's going to be awesome. I look forward to being a part of that."
Free from the protective boot, off the scooter, and no longer confounded by stairs, Fowler has rejoined the Cardinals in recent weeks, his presence increasingly noted by teammates if not seen so much publicly. He was spotted holding a plush toy squirrel in the dugout in Atlanta. During the Cardinals' pivotal win against the Dodgers a week ago on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball, he joined president of baseball operations John Mozeliak and watched from the front office's box. He sat ringside as teammates tried to scare each other with a rubber cobra. Fowler will travel with the team to Chicago this weekend and be with the team as "a cheerleader."
Fowler fractured his left foot Aug. 3 at Pittsburgh and played until the bone popped while he ran the bases. The Cardinals transferred him a few weeks later to the 60-day disabled list _ effectively ending the worst and most mentally draining season of his career. He's able to walk now and put weight on the foot but remains weeks away from running. The next time he swings a bat it will be to prepare for spring training. The next fly ball he shags could be in Florida. His next hit won't help his .180 average. That's stuck like gum to his baseball card.
As is the .278 on-base percentage that's nearly 100 points lower than his career average, and the .298 slugging percentage that saw a dizzying fall from a career-best .488 in 2017.
"Ten years in and the first one like that," Fowler said. "Obviously, I didn't feel like I was myself. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who saw that."
He was asked if he hid a health issue.
He shook his head.
"I think it was more mental health," he said. "It was mental health."
In his absence, he and the Cardinals saw the rise of Harrison Bader, the once and future king of center field, and right field become a home for Jose Martinez and his team-high .302 average. When Fowler answers a question, he'll sometimes repeat phrases for emphasis, and he did when asked if the team still has a role for him.
"I know I fit in. I know I fit in," he said, underscoring "know" the first time and "fit" the second time. "I know I'll be playing a lot. Every day. I'm embracing that. I'm going to be happy to have that chance. I can't wait to do that. I'm happy to do that."
Mozeliak agreed: "I still feel like Dexter has a future here."
It's not hard to see how.
Fowler, 32, signed a five-year, $82.5-million deal before the 2017 season to be the Cardinals' center fielder and leadoff hitter. Two years in, he is neither of those things and has $49.5 million and a no-trade clause remaining on the deal. Beyond the commitment, there is a cavity in the lineup the Cardinals feel Fowler can fill. Mozeliak has remained an enthusiastic believer in Fowler, and internally they have visions of what Fowler and Matt Carpenter could do as pitcher-mulching, OBP monsters. The Cardinals also covet a left-handed hitting outfielder. And there remains an opening.
To start 2019, Bader will be the fifth different center fielder to hold the everyday job for the Cardinals in as many seasons. Twelve months ago, Fowler moved to right to clear center for Tommy Pham, and Pham was traded in July to make room for Bader. Through the center shuffling, right has been there for the taking. No one has. Martinez has felt more comfortable defensively there, and Tyler O'Neill, flush from his walk-off homer Saturday, has intriguing power for the position. In right, no one has been Bader.
The Cardinals' right field has had the lowest batting average, lowest OBP and lowest slugging percentage of that position in the National League Central. Only one right field spot in the NL has been less productive. Fowler's performance is an anchor.
The other Cardinals' right fielders have combined to hit .278 with a .432 slugging percentage. Both are close to average. Martinez has hit .324 with a .439 slugging percentage in right. Still, Fowler has half of the Cardinals' RBIs from right (31 of 62) and eight of the position's 19 homers. The Cardinals see Fowler's career .360 OBP and his .851 OPS from 2017 _ his best in any season he didn't call Coors Field home _ and how those outpace .338 OBP and .764 OPS from an average NL right fielder.
"The injury happened as he was starting to look like he was finding himself," Mozeliak said. "The one thing I would say about Dex is he wants to be successful. He wants to be contributing. And when things were not going the way he had hoped, I think there was a lot of frustration almost leading to depression, and that makes it hard."
That was the "mental" drag Fowler mentioned.
When his average spiraled, the veteran switch-hitter sought consistency where he thought he could _ in playing time _ and didn't did get it. Asked if that led to doubt, Fowler said he never had any.
"I think just one person did," he said. Fowler was unsure of his standing with then-manager Mike Matheny and awaited actions to match statements. When Mozeliak was asked about the team's "effort level" and misspoke by mentioning only Fowler, the outfielder received an apology from Mozeliak and a message from chairman Bill DeWitt Jr. Matheny told reporters he didn't reach out to Fowler. Communication remained, but became strained.
"I just think, look, everything was not told to me in the right way," Fowler said. "I don't think it was communicated in the way it was meant. Just everything. Everything."
Playing time?
"Everything."
Role?
"Everything," Fowler said.
"I don't think I was treated right. That's changed. Yeah, I was obviously affected by it. There are always circumstances that I had to overcome. That we had to overcome. You don't just fall off the face of the Earth as a player. That doesn't happen. You know what I mean? I know the type of player I am."
When named interim manager, Shildt quickly let Fowler know he was going to be in the lineup, no question. He complimented the switch-hitter's ability to "own and face" his struggles. Shildt explained a manager has to be "the rabbi, the tough guy, the confidence guy," and that what he gave Fowler was "genuine." And then he offered the strongest currency of faith he had: At bats.
Fowler started 15 of Shildt's first 17 games as manager, and his production started to perk up, slightly. He hit .202 with a .313 on-base percentage and socked two home runs. As he took the field on Aug. 3 at PNC Park, he bounced up to a few coaches and teammates and told them, "Spring training is over." Fowler had two singles in his first three at-bats that night, and he walked in his next plate appearance. He also fouled a pitch off his left foot. Two innings later, the fracture that foul ball caused forced him from the game _ and his season. Unable to negotiate stairs, he spent some time at his one-story Las Vegas home with daughters Naya and Ivy, the newborn.
He returned to their St. Louis home and spent more time there than he ever had, warming, he said, to its comfort and watching his teammates blaze through August.
In the box this past Sunday and other times in the past few weeks, Mozeliak has checked with Fowler about his recovery, about his health, about his mental health. A conversation is coming this winter about the outfielder's place with the team, or if a move is explored. Shildt said he expects the thrust of his review with Fowler to be how "he's going to be himself and how that fits into the big picture of what we're doing."
Fowler said he'll welcome that communication because he's seen what is possible, and his view hasn't changed whether it's from the couch, from the dugout, or from the lineup.
A place to play is a place to stay.
"I'm ready to go. I'm ready to embrace it," Fowler said. "That ship has sailed. Like I've said, it's a new chapter. I welcome it. I welcome it. And now you just move on."
