Name: Tristan Williams
Age: 25
Dreams of: Being a social media account manager
If coronavirus has taught me anything, it is the fragility of life. How easily the strongest people can come undone through no fault of their own. This was very much the case for three important people in my life.
Over the course of coronavirus hitting Australia and the economic fallout since, three friends of mine, three of the strongest people I have ever known, lost their ongoing battle with mental illness and made the heart-wrenching decision to take their own lives. Each one of them hit me hard. Even writing this now, I have to take breaks for my own self-care.
The sheer weight of life, the downfall of their careers (two of them lost their jobs), and the breaking down of their support networks during the pandemic led them to this fatal conclusion, in my understanding. They are not the only ones though. Suicide is the leading cause of death for young people in Australia, and has been since well before the pandemic. It is a statistic that will never sit right with me and should not sit right with any of you.
When you lose someone close to you, you think and feel many things. I questioned what I could have done better, what I could have said, where I could have been, and why fate decided to play out this way. It hurt me. I felt cheated. These were good people that were taken from me. Good people who thought this was the only way to escape their suffering.
Now, I could dwell on this, on the actions in their final moments, but I am choosing not to because that is not how I am choosing to memorialise them. They lived amazing lives and made everyone’s life richer with their presence because they lived extraordinarily. That notion of living every day to the fullest, I feel that now more than ever before. That is how I am choosing to honour my friends and their memory, by living their ideals. Not by dwelling on the unpleasantness that led to me writing about them here.
Yes, this again is quite a different tone to that which I have previously taken. I have covered many topics that I have enjoyed sharing my perspectives on. I joined this series to express my opinions, share my experiences, and discuss, from my perspective, how coronavirus has been affecting me as an aspiring professional; as an openly gay man; as a young person. But this is by far the hardest diary I am yet to write and it just so happens to be my last.
This topic of mental illness has been one I have been purposely dodging. Not because I am ashamed, but because of the sensitivity, the vulnerability that such a topic demands. But we need to talk about mental illness. That is where the real problem is. For me, mental illness falls quite closely alongside the idea of our mortality – especially in relation to young people and coronavirus. Everyone has experienced these troubling times very differently. All of our experiences are valid. This is mine.
Coronavirus, losing my friends, losing my work, finding myself reliant and then cut from Centrelink and everything else the pandemic has thrown at me, has made me look at myself hard in the mirror and wonder about my value in life. That has happened quite a few times. I recently celebrated my 25th birthday and at a milestone like this, it does make you stop and wonder: “What am I doing with my life?” So, I have started to make changes to pursue the life I want for myself.
I used to think that that aligned quite well with academia. Now I am not too sure. During the pandemic, I have started to see other directions for my future. I want to get out there, test my skills in the workforce and start to live my life. This wasn’t a split-second decision. I am going to get out there to forge my future myself.
I have started transitioning out of my masters degree and into a graduation with a graduate diploma which is still a very solid certification. Many have tried to talk me out of this. Many have supported me. However, for the first time ever, I am finally taking the reins in my own life. Will this lead me to employment and realising my greater career aspirations in the digital marketing world? The jury is still out on that one. I know that the employment market I’m entering is challenging and competitive. I have never been one to back down from a challenge; now is no different. One thing is certain though: the future for me will be exciting.
I have not yet mapped out my path. But that’s what makes it so wonderful. I am nervous. I am excited. I am optimistic. I am all of the many emotions you can think of. However, I know that I am ready.
The time for young people, all young people, is now. Coming out of Covid, we all have a chance to start to shape our futures as the world we will inherit is on a precipice. We have the opportunity; the power to now put our voices forward. I am choosing optimism over pessimism, positivity over despair, and refuse to simply sit by and watch my future get created without me. We can and should take the reins in our own lives in a world that is literally rebuilding from the ashes. Don’t waste this time. You are strong. You are powerful. You are valuable. Show the world what you are made of. Now is as great a time as any.
• Crisis support services can be reached 24 hours a day: Lifeline 13 11 14; Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467; Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800; MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78; Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
