Earlier this week some prize chump paid nearly £90m at an auction in New York for Pointing Man; Alberto Giacometti’s famous sculpture of a referee awarding a penalty. Presumably work has now begun on Shooting Man and Goalkeeper, so that the most expensive game of Subbuteo in history can take place. Otherwise the whole enterprise seems a bit pointless, man. Unless splurging a world record fee on a useless life-size effigy was meant as a withering comment on Gareth Bale ahead of Real Madrid’s Champions League exodus?
Poor Bale, mocked by the Bernabéu faithless, savaged by sculpture buyers! Gone from being a one-man team at Tottenham to the one man blamed for all his team’s problems at Real Madrid. Won’t anyone show him some love? Yes, Manchester United will. Their arms are open wide, and their wallets even wider, as they prepare to whisk the Welshman away from those callous Spanish giants and lavish him with pounds and passes at Old Trafford. That may not be exactly what United need, just as it wasn’t really what Madrid needed, but it’ll make everyone feel good about themselves for a while, which is probably what the Pointing Man purchaser is telling himself at the moment too.
You could argue that United need a player such as Roma’s Radja Nainggolan more than they need Bale, but Paris Saint-Germain are prepared to show that they want him more, especially as they have given up hope of luring Paul Pogba away from Juventus. And, of course, United will also need a replacement for David De Gea if he heads to Madrid in a part barter for Bale, so Stoke’s Asmir Begovic is being eyed up in case Tottenham refuse to play ball over Hugo Lloris. But neither United nor Chelsea look like landing Fluminense’s prodigy Gerson, as the 17-year-old Brazilian is edging closer to Juventus.
First up, they want to bring Kevin De Bruyne back to the Premier League from Wolfsburg, apparently having failed, like José Mourinho, to appreciate the Belgian properly the last time he was there. City are also considering a cheeky offer for another former Chelsea winger, with Bayern Munich reportedly considering letting 31-year-old Arjen Robben go.
Everyone knows how good Charlie Austin is, which is far too good for this Queens Park Rangers shower. But the Rs’ director of football, Les Ferdinand, has warned that Aston Villa and Sunderland won’t get Austin on the cheap.
Gervinho won’t come cheap either, so if Swansea or Everton are to land him, they are going to have to hope Roma’s Ivorian turns down the colossal salary being offered to him by al-Jazira of the UAE.
Slaven Bilic has become a folk hero at Besiktas, where he has channelled the crowd’s passion and energy to help uplift the team and make them fitting representatives of that part of Istanbul. Which is all fine and dandy, but word is he’s open to a move to West Ham to replace Sam Allardyce.
Finally, in non-transfer news: Southampton are confident of keeping hold of Nathaniel Clyne, Jordon Ibe is poised to sign a new deal at Liverpool, and Chelsea have decided to keep hold of Patrick Bamford, much to the disappointment of Villa, Everton and Crystal Palace. Oh, and Nani is set to return to Manchester United following the expiry of his loan deal at Sporting Lisbon, much to the disappointment of Manchester United. Manchester City are about to go on a spree, too.
