Only a gibbering ghoul, or possibly a hardcore Manchester United fan, would delight in the grotesque injury suffered by Djibril Cissé last night. And amiable France manager Raymond Domenech certainly doesn't match that description.
Nevertheless, it is his onerous privilege to have the opportunity to turn one man's unmerited catastrophe into a boon for his country. All the signs are, however, that like a woman about to undergo a sex change, he'll make a bollocks of it. And France will remain on course for another World Cup flop.
Domenech had hinted strongly that the team that started last night's friendly against China would be the 11 he'd select to take on Switzerland in France's World Cup opener in Stuttgart next Tuesday. The Swiss hills must have come alive with the sound of party music when Kobi Kuhn's crew heard that. Because that would have meant France coming at them with a wonky midfield, dysfunctional forward line and a defence more suspect than a David Irving history lesson.
Cissé, the team's top scorer in the qualifiers, certainly wasn't the main problem, but the only silver lining to his horrendous injury is that it forces Domenech to change his thinking. Of course, he may just throw on over-rated David Trezeguet and leave everything else the same, as he did last night. Or, devout astrologist that is, he may just gawk at the skies and hope for celestial intervention. But if France fans are lucky, he'll read this article.
Because below is the five-part blueprint Les Bleus should apply:
1. Buy a bumper-pack of souvenir World Cup cushions, spread them carefully along the bench and order Patrick Vieira, Lilian Thuram, Zinedine Zidane and David Trezeguet to park their jaded hides on them for the next 30 days or so.
2. Assign the second striker role to Louis Saha, who's just as good a finisher as Trezeguet and much more lively and creative. The streaky Juventus forward may have a reasonable goalscoring record but he's never really hit it off with Thierry Henry (they may have hooked up for the opener last night, but they only notched two between them in the qualifiers) and generally has about as much impact on proceedings as the corner flags do, except, of course, when it comes to headbutting Israeli defenders. On the few occasions Saha has partnered Henry, they have looked like the most dazzling French couple since René and Edith Artois.
3. Deploy wonder-youngster Franck Ribéry on the right side of midfield, where Vieira, wholly predictably, has been less effective than a bike in a boat race. Ribéry is fast, tricky and direct. He gets crosses in and creates havoc. This, Raymond, is a Good Thing.
4. Stick Gael Givet in the centre of defence alongside the impeccable William Gallas. Thuram is nothing but a nice antique. His marking is slipshod and his timing has gone. Monaco's Givet may not be as elegant as Thuram was in his prime, but he is solid, fast and diligent.
5. Hastily backtrack on the decision to call up Sidney Govou to replace Cissé. Instead give Ludovic Giuly a bell. OK, the Champions League winner is currently on holiday in Australia having been bizarrely spurned by Domenech, but the manager must swallow his pride, admit that Giuly's omission was a lunatic blunder and hope the Barcelona man makes like a boomerang and comes back. Because Zidane is no longer a reliable playmaker. Not only can he no longer pull the strings, he can't even pull his own weight. His influence on most games this year has been minimal, and that's even before he begins tiring early in the second half. The French fitness people claim that's because he's building up to his peak, but more objective observers know he clambered to his peak about six years ago, and has been careering downhill since about 2003. Giuly has the guile and virility to do what Zidane once did - well, he'll at least come closer to it than supposed back-up Vikash Dhorasoo ever did or will.
Oh - and 6. Plonk Fabien Barthez on the bench too. Don't bother with the cushion. Do remember Grégory Coupet, though.
Voilà.
Doolally Domemench won't do any of the above, of course. Which is why Switzerland will top Group G. And we could see a Senegal-style shock from hyper-motivated former colonial underlings Togo. Magnifique!
