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The New Daily
The New Daily
Tim Ferguson

Ferguson report: Liz Truss keeps reversing position until she faces the exit.

All the fake news that's fit to print, and some that's not, from Tim Ferguson. Photo: TND

British Prime Minister Liz Truss resigned after reversing her position twice, so she was facing the same way as before – the exit.

A Tory minister said, “Liz had to face the music – the first tax cut is the deepest.”

Last week, Ms Truss sat expressionless in parliament: She was intent on the writing on the wall.

Speculation is intense as party rivals jockey to become Britain’s next top temp.

Boris Johnson has offered Ms Truss his services. He’s currently in the wound-licking business.

‘Quiet quitter’ unaware he was sacked weeks ago

“Working from home is great,” said a young professional, “because I don’t have to work.”

And 45 per cent of young Toronto professionals vow to ‘act their wage’ and do the ‘bare minimum’, as if that will be any different from usual.

Many under 30s refuse to work hard unless a promotion is on the cards. This plan is strangely not having the desired effect.

Quiet quitters are demanding a voice. “We are quietly bludging and we’re not going to take it anymore!”

All work and mostly play makes Jack an income.

Quiet quitters are pushing for a four-hour week, but not too hard. Four hours can be an eternity when you’ve got plenty of nothing to do.

Activists say global warming will make soup too hot

White middle-class climate activists threw pumpkin soup at van Gogh’s Sunflowers.

“We regret using soup from a can made by a distant factory powered by fossil fuels. Next we’ll use homemade, free-range chicken soup thrown from an earthenware marsupial pouch.”

In Australia, activists threw a tonne of soup at Jackson Pollock’s Blue Poles, but no-one noticed.

Soup aficionados are disgusted claiming, “Too many kooks spoil the broth.”

Meanwhile, dreadfully-painfully serious Guardian columnist Jeff Sparrow has defied people poo-pooing the pumpkin protest to “think of something better”.

(So long as it doesn’t include forming a party, meeting with constituents, running for election and winning like the Teals did.)

In other news …

NEW CHANNEL TUNNEL CREATED BY THATCHER SPINNING IN GRAVE

GREENS EJECTED FROM BIKIE GANG FOR SUGGESTING THEY TALK LOUDER NEAR INNOCENT LOOKING POT PLANT

MEDIBANK FOILS NEW CYBER ATTACK BY RAISING HACKING PREMIUMS

COLOURED PENCILS TO BE RENAMED PENCILS OF COLOUR

LNP WARNS ‘NO-NONSENSE’ BUDGET WILL HURT NINE-YEAR LEGACY OF NONSENSE

THE CROWN SERIES 5 PROMISES CHARLES IN GIANT TAMPON COSTUME ‘TASTEFULLY DONE’

AMA REJECTS MEDICARE RORTING, ANNOUNCES ‘ALL ORGANS MUST GO’ TRANSPLANT SALE

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