Although there is no clear favourite and few novelty acts in this year’s Eurovision, you’ll be treated to both punk and popera, and spoilt for choice if you’re looking for a toilet break; 2015 bids another trip down the slow- to mid-tempo lane. Seat belts on or off, here’s your 10-second warning; Eurovision spoilers ahead.
The first semi-final
Tuesday, 8pm, BBC3
The best
Russia’s Polina Gagarina sings A Million Voices, arguably the strongest ballad in the competition and is only really challenged by Greece and Iceland’s entries for Best Belter.
The worst
Ukraine isn’t competing this year, however Moldova is sending Ukrainian Eduard Romanyuta with a stage performance which features a new take on “good cop/bad cop” routines. This time “good cop” is wearing leather hot pants. Things get a bit more NSFW after this.
The bizarre
Belgium’s edgy choir soul number Rhythm Inside will likely divide the crowds. Sounding a bit like Lorde, Loïc Nottet mainly looks like he is suffering from indigestion. The song grows on you, though.
The one to watch
Estonians Elina Born & Stig Rästa’s Goodbye To Yesterday is one of two girl-boy duets with a dark twist. Norway’s duo Mørland & Debrah Scarlett’s A Monster Like Me (in the second semi-final) is a firm fan favourite in a similar Nick Cave-style but Estonia’s slight upbeat tempo could give it the advantage.
The one with a message
Armenia is sending a rock ballad with a real, albeit hidden, message. Officially promoting “universal values” Genealogy’s Face the Shadow can be read as a song marking the 100-year anniversary of the Armenian genocide. Evanesence fans will enjoy this performance, which looks like it has borrowed its set from a Tolkien adaptation.
The premiere
Finland gives us two Eurovision firsts; the first punk entry and the shortest song to compete. Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät is raising awareness for learning difficulties and may well provide Finland with a Hard Rock Halleluja. Another premiere comes from Poland in the second semi-final, featuring the competition’s first wheelchair user.
The best lyrics
“Time is like thunder, ha-ha.” Belarus’s Uzari & Maimuna clearly had fun with their similes.
The second semi-final
Thursday, 8pm, BBC3
The best
Sweden’s Måns Zelmerlöw is possibly currently the most hyped artist in Vienna and his Avicii-esque country pop dance track Heroes, complete with projection mapping and pecs to die for, makes this a performance not to miss. Will he fist-bump the little gnome on time? A strong contender to win if he doesn’t come across as a bit too slick.
The worst
San Marino doesn’t have the best ESC record; they first reached the finale last year. Chain Of Lights won’t help their chances. You’ve got to feel for San Marino’s young artists though; at least 2012’s entry Social Network Song was funny.
The one that sticks
Lithuania’s This Time by Monika Linkytė and Vaidas Baumila seems to come straight out of Disney hell. Improved only by the rumour of a possible same-sex kiss this is an otherwise infuriatingly catchy psychedelic explosion of colour and cheese. Next!
The one to watch
Azerbaijan’s Hour Of the Wolf is a dark horse. It’s a decent ballad co-written by one of the Swedes who co-wrote the winning 2011 entry (Sandra Bjurman) and sung by The Voice Turkey winner Elnur. Will it be enough to take him and Gollum (you’ll see) to the top? Maybe.
The floor filler
Don’t be fooled by Israel’s slow start, you’ll soon be on your table top to this infectious mash-up. There’s no doubt 16-year-old “Golden Boy” Nadav Guedj really is the king of fun this year.
The have I heard that before?
Slovenia’s entry Here For You by Maraaya may remind you of a Duffy and German winner Lena lovechild, but it’s the only upbeat pop song with a female vocalist in the contest, which might play in their favour. Why they opted for massive headphones is a question that remains unanswered.
The already qualified
Spain
Spain is serving up the biggest costume drama (#PrayForNoMadonnaMoment) and you can count on at least one wind machine supporting Edurne’s epic ballad.
France
You can see the logic that France is applying. Last year’s over-the-top crazy Moustache got them nul points (alright, deux) so surely a yawntastic tune will give them 12? No.
Australia
The Aussies have been a firm favourite since being invited and Guy Sebastian’s Tonight Again, channelling Bruno Mars-vibes, will definitely get you dancing. “This is one tough act to follow,” sings Guy – it will be.
Germany
Germany has promised to host the next competition should Australia win and to be honest, that is their best chance of doing so. Their own Black Smoke by Ann Sophie is a song that 79% of the Germans didn’t vote for (the chosen act didn’t fancy going). There is 0% chance it will win.
Austria
Reigning champion Austria is sending a pleasant-enough entry in the form of the Makemakes, a band fronted by a James Bay-lookalike continuing Conchita’s beard theme. It is quite clear they do not wish to win again.
Italy
Mamma Mia! Thank the heavens for Italy’s popera boyband Il Volo. Anyone with a penchant for shower singing, or indeed a love for gorgeous Italians, may experience a spell of “grande amore”. This could win.
