I love playing poker. I can't say I'm a great player. In fact, well, I'm not very good at all. (I have a hard time folding when I've already committed to the hand!) But, I still love it, for better or worse... often worse.
One of the main reasons I keep coming back is that a large part of the game is based on skill. In Texas hold 'em anyway, you have to figure out which hand makes the most sense given the two cards you're dealt, in addition to the other five that come later in the game. You need to use strategies that have worked in the past, either for you or for others, you need to practice to improve your skills, and you need to play fairly often in order to stay at the top of your game.
But, what if, after you have thoroughly honed your skills and mastered the art of the game, you still can't win sometimes? At that point, you just have to resign yourself to trying again next time because the rest of the game is up to timing, chance, and luck. Sometimes you'll have those working in your favor (pocket aces, anyone?), and other times things just won't go your way, no matter how well you played.
In online dating, much of your success will be due to hard work. Dating takes work, you ask? Shouldn't it be easy? In simple terms, no. Online dating isn't easy, and many people don't realize it. They think they can just throw a profile (often a mediocre one, with the first few words that come to mind and nothing else) on a website and simply wait to see what happens. That's like walking into a bar and just plopping yourself on a stool without even trying to make conversation with anyone or signing up for a gym membership and assuming you'll lose weight simply because your credit card is charged every month. It's just not going to work.
The first step is to create a profile that catches someone's attention, whether you're on Tinder, eHarmony, or anything in between. For the dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, I recommend a profile of 20 to 40 words. For the more "traditional" sites like Match.com or OkCupid, I recommend a few short paragraphs of text. Stay away from anything generic, like "I like to laugh and have fun" and truly let your unique characteristics shine. You better believe, I've talked about my irrational love of poker in my former profiles!
Once you have that profile online (and don't forget the photos ... I recommend using four or five only), then it's time to start sending some messages to people who interest you. Both men and women should initiate contact. I'm not talking about any old generic messages, either; I'm talking about thoughtful, tailored ones that show the person of interest that you actually read his or her profile and took the time to craft something. While it doesn't have to be _ and shouldn't be _ too long, it takes some old-fashioned time and energy. Will it be worth it? Absolutely.
Of course, though, just like in poker, sometimes you'll write that witty message, tweak it a few times, and send it into the online abyss, only to receive nothing in response. Sometimes, even if you've already matched on one of the dating apps, you still may not get a reply, unfortunately. Even though you're devoting the time and giving it your all, sometimes things just won't go your way. As hard as it may be, try not to take it personally. There could be any number of reasons why someone doesn't respond _ you look familiar, the person is on vacation, the message got lost in the inbox, or maybe they just didn't like your hair _ but that's okay. Get back on the horse and try again.
We can do everything in our power to be the best we can be, at poker or the online dating game, but in the end, timing, chance, and luck will play somewhat of a role in the process. Don't let it get you down or base your own value of yourself on the fact that some people simply don't answer you. If anything, it just means that you're primed for a win (or a date) the next time.
