DEAR ABBY: Our son “Ted” met a young lady, “Gina,” who I really like. She told him she had polycystic ovary syndrome and would have a hard time conceiving. Well, she got pregnant and they ended up, spur of the moment, going to the courthouse to get married.
When Gina went into labor, we drove three hours to be with them and stayed in a hotel, only to be told she didn’t want company. She’d had a horrible three-day labor that ended with a C-section. I sort of understand her not wanting to see anybody, but we dropped everything and weren’t able to even see our grandchild.
My husband, “Peter,” has a lot of resentment toward Gina and Ted. My problem is, when Peter and I married, I was three months pregnant. He has it stuck in his head that Gina “trapped” Ted into getting married. When Peter and I went through a rough patch, he made that comment about us a couple times.
When Ted and Gina come here, which isn’t often, my husband makes no effort to get to know Gina, only to judge her. I try to text or FaceTime them every week or so to check in. I work the night shift, so I sleep during the day and am back up when they are asleep. How can I help my husband to see that they really do love each other and to help make Gina part of the family? — TORN MOTHER-IN-LAW
DEAR TORN: It appears your husband still has some unresolved issues regarding the circumstances of your marriage that he has projected onto your daughter-in-law. Point out to him that this hasn’t escaped your notice, and suggest that if he wants anything resembling a healthy relationship with his son, Gina, that baby AND YOU, he must start talking with a licensed therapist. It may also require some sessions with a counselor who specializes in family therapy, if Ted and Gina are willing. Cross your fingers. If your husband won’t agree to it, go without him.
DEAR ABBY: I am a retired automotive worker. My employer allows me to share my company discount with close relatives. One of them has taken advantage of my discount for the last 15 years, which has saved this person literally thousands of dollars. I don’t do it to get anything in return, but I have never received even so much as a thank-you card from this relative.
This person isn’t hurting financially by any means. They constantly travel and entertain. The only contact we have is when they are ready to buy another vehicle. Then they text me to say they need the authorization number to give to the dealer.
I’d like to stop this relative from utilizing my discount, but I don’t know how to handle this. We see this person at holiday gatherings. — DONE WITH THE DISCOUNT
DEAR DONE: Greet this relative warmly at the next holiday gathering. When you are asked again about that discount, give them the sad news that they starved their golden goose to death, which should get the message across. And if it is requested again, ignore it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
