DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 36 years. Ask anyone who knows us, and they’ll say we are the perfect couple — no major issues, loving, trusting, etc. I was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia three years ago, and my wife has been a godsend. I couldn’t ask for a better partner.
The other day I overheard her on the phone, and something she said caught my attention. When I asked her about it, she confessed that she had cheated. She said it had happened two or three times, two or three years ago with her first boyfriend from college. He had contacted her to get together for coffee, and he kissed her. The next time he came to our town, they met at his hotel room and had sex.
Abby, I am devastated, but there is nothing I can do. I am 50% dependent on her, and it will only increase. She said I can ask her anything at all, and she will answer me honestly. I haven’t yet, because I’m still in shock. Please help me figure out what to do. — FEW OPTIONS IN NEVADA
DEAR FEW OPTIONS: I can only imagine how hurt you must be, and for that you have my sympathy. Because you need your wife to care for you during the course of your illness, the most obvious thing I can suggest is that you not ask her these kinds of questions. Her infidelity may have happened because she was devastated by the medical diagnosis you had just received. The healthiest thing for both of you would be to respect her for her honesty and forgive her for her moments of weakness.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my 45-year-old boyfriend, “Doug,” for six years. His mother, who was widowed five years ago, has moved here to Florida from New Jersey. Doug is very protective of her, which I kind of understand because she’s 63.
The kicker is, she has started flashing her breasts at us. I’m pretty sure she does it to Doug when I’m not around as well. I have mentioned to him multiple times about how disturbing it is, but he brushes it off and refuses to confront her. We have adult children, and she recently went into the pool with all of them with nothing on.
It is starting to worry me. I don’t want to be the one to confront her because it will get ugly. — FLASHED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FLASHED: Has Doug’s mother always been a “free spirit” who thinks flashing and skinny-dipping are amusing, or is her exhibitionist behavior something new?
If she has always been this way, someone should point out that what she’s doing is inappropriate unless it’s clear that nobody minds. In this case, YOU mind, and I wouldn’t be surprised if your adult children were also less than enthusiastic about the woman’s performance.
If her exhibitionism is something new, then she should be evaluated by a doctor who specializes in geriatric patients and, if necessary, referred to one who specializes in geriatric psychiatry.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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