Derek from San Jose, California, recently called into “The Ramsey Show,” hosted by Jade Warshaw and Rachel Cruze, to talk through a difficult financial and emotional decision. He’s 36 years old, newly engaged, and planning to blend a family of five kids ranging in age from 10 to 12.
But there’s one major issue: he has $12 million in assets, while his fiancée has $50,000. He wants a prenuptial agreement, but she’s struggling with the idea.
‘It's Been Emotional’
“We started the process of looking into a prenup, and it’s been an emotional one,” the caller admitted. “I totally understand why.”
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He said they completed a questionnaire together to begin the process, and things seemed OK at first. But when his lawyer sent over the first draft, everything changed.
“She’s really not been feeling good about it,” he said. “She feels like I wouldn’t be fully entering the marriage in the same way that she is because it feels like I’m holding assets off to the side.”
His concern is practical. He wants to protect what he built, but not at the expense of the relationship.
He said his goal is to protect their marriage, adding that he understands it can feel “condescending” to her and her family, as if they are the problem the prenup is trying to defend against.
Cruze and Warshaw were sympathetic but didn't shy away from hard truths.
“You’re hoping and praying this is the one and it’s gonna last a lifetime,” Cruze said. “But we also don’t live under a rock. Unfortunately, some really hard things happen and does cause marriages to break up.”
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The Terms So Far
The caller explained that under the current draft of the prenup, everything they bring into the marriage would remain separate. However, once married, all income would be shared.
He added that his fiancée plans to stop working to care for the kids. He’s also planning to pay off her small remaining debts and buy a home titled in both their names, treating it as community property.
Still, one key part of the prenup gives her pause: the $12 million and its growth would remain his.
Warshaw asked whether they had considered a phased approach, where some restrictions would fall away after years together. The caller said that wasn't part of the agreement but liked the idea.
“I would be wondering about that if I were entering the marriage,” Warshaw said. “How can I be a player in how that grows from here on out?”
Cruze added that the framing might be the issue. “It can feel like the $12 million is off in this corner and we’re never going to participate in it,” she said. “But the only time it’s not hers is if you guys legally go through a divorce.”
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A Sensitive Balance
The caller emphasized his desire to provide for both her and her children, including if something were to happen to him. “I absolutely would want her and her kids to be taken care of,” he said.
Cruze and Warshaw agreed he was approaching the situation with humility and grace.
“Your tone feels very humble and gracious, which I think she probably very much appreciates,” Cruze said.
They encouraged him to seek help from a marriage counselor to work through the emotional side together.
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