The reports are coming in from many arenas of life — workplaces, airplanes, colleges, city council meetings and even from employees who work remotely. There is a growing concern about the level of incivility in America, and the legal profession, my field, has been sounding an alarm about it.
While discussing solutions, some people will bring up the need to teach civility to children. That’s certainly important, but kids learn more from what they see adults do than from what we tell them to do. It’s up to us to create environments in which civility is the norm, so that we model it in our actions every day.
I’ve had clients and competitors do something that sounds as uncivil as it gets: literally punch me in the face. And I’ve had no hard feelings about it. That’s because, in addition to being a lawyer who battles in the courtroom, I’m also a boxer.
Boxing surprisingly contains profound lessons about how to establish civility — and how civility can quickly vanish.
The first step is to set clear rules of fair play. These must be written explicitly and understood by everyone. As a boxer, I can’t punch below the belt. As a lawyer, I can’t break the law. Neither can my opponent.
In private establishments, we can and should create very clear rules of conduct aimed at enforcing civility. For example, we can establish a system to avoid interrupting each other, such as how to indicate when you want to jump into a conversation, and setting time limits for each person who speaks up in a meeting.
It’s good to get as specific as possible. Some organizations have rules such as “follow common sense.” These are vague and can be problematic because people have very different understandings of what “common sense” calls for.
In establishing these rules, bring employees together. A report in the Harvard Business Review mentions a California law office in which employees agreed on a series of norms that they enshrined into a “civility code,” for which they vowed to hold each other responsible. The business credits the code with the company’s being named one of the best places to work in the county.
Make the rules prominent. Whether on subways, entrances to buildings or at the start of a Zoom meeting, post the rules in high-traffic areas. Announce websites that provide the codes of conduct. Give people no excuses for failing to be aware of them. (Even the world of mixed martial arts started with a few rules and added more over the years.)
I support a zero-tolerance rule for infractions. If you break the rule, you get punished. If one exception is allowed, it can turn into a free-for-all, making civility virtually impossible to enforce. (Unfortunately, I find that judges are often far too lenient on this in the courtroom.)
When a strict system is in place, people can feel less on edge in any environment. They expect everyone else to behave and know that if they don’t, they’ll face the consequences. As this knowledge sets in, the culture becomes more relaxed, pleasant and productive.
Boxing is at its best when the rules are clearly enforced. Then participants like me know we can engage in a fair fight. We don’t take knocks personally as long as they’re within the rules. Instead, we recognize each hit as a chance to learn and improve our game.
After a bout, I know I’m expected to show respect for my opponent, and I do. Of course, this does not always happen in boxing. Sometimes civility goes out the window, preventing it from being the sport that I — and millions of other people — love.
To be clear, calls for civility in society should never be used to try to crush peaceful dissent. And calls for civility at work should not be used to prevent people from speaking up about problems or challenging norms. Workplace psychological safety is crucial. People need to know that their voices will be heard and that they won’t be told to stay silent when they see something wrong. They’re just expected to present their views in a way that does not violate the rules of civility.
In every arena of my life, I have found that when these rules are in place, I experience more positive, productive relationships. My life and work thrive as a result. I’ve built strong relationships with people very different from me. They know that no matter what, they can always count on me to be civil. And I can expect the same from them.
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Rodney Drinnon is a graduate of Loyola University Chicago School of Law and co-managing partner of the McCathern law firm in Houston.
