Results day can be a nerve-racking experience if things don’t go your child’s way, but parents should try to not get swept up in the emotion. Take three deep breaths, set your face to neutral and, most importantly, keep listening to your child. This is when they need you most.
If your son or daughter hasn’t achieved the marks required for automatic entry to their first or second Ucas choice, they can apply to other universities through clearing – and your support could be vital to their success.
Aws Bettayeb from Hendon was hoping to go to either King’s College or Queen Mary in London, but didn’t get the grades required. He was so worried about how his parents would feel that he told them his results had been delayed – and then he dealt with the clearing process on his own. In retrospect, he wishes he’d got them on board.
“It was a bit of a rollercoaster, and I felt scared and disappointed; I didn’t want to speak to anyone. I went to the clearing officer and she calmed me down and told me what to do. I called three universities and they were all very friendly and I got two offers.
“When I told my parents, they were very accepting and very supportive. Looking back, I wish I’d asked for their opinion and help – they said they really wanted to be there for me.”
Jamie Bradford, school and college recruitment and enquiries manager at De Montfort University, advises parents to be proactive and get lots of information to cover the “what if” scenarios. “Do your research and planning. Being proactive doesn’t mean nagging your son or daughter for information. Historically, clearing has been associated with people rushing for places, but in reality there are thousands of spaces available.”
One of the most helpful things you can do as a parent is to make sure your child stays calm. Although it may not feel like it at the time, clearing can be a fantastic opportunity to find a more appropriate course and better fit for your child.
‘The last thing she needed was me crying’
Clearing is part of Julie Kelly’s job – but she saw it from the other side when her daughter missed out on the grades she needed.
“I thought I knew all there was to know about clearing,” says Julie Kelly, head of the student centre at the University of Hertfordshire. “Except, as it turns out, I didn’t know how it feels to be on the other side.
“Last September, my daughter Lucy didn’t get the grades she expected and found herself in clearing and went into meltdown.
“The only way I can describe it is to imagine you’ve just been sacked from a job you love and in half an hour you have to pitch yourself to your next employer. You’re in shock and it feels like the end of the world. Nothing really prepares you for your own child going through this, as you have the emotional side to deal with.
“I knew she had to get her game face on, get into school and pick up her results. The school was brilliant, and whisked us into another room. The last thing she needed was me crying, so I needed to be the strong one. I swung into organisation mode, and we went off grid for a time, while we tried to sort it out.
“I got a big A4 pad, wrote down her grades and got a clear idea of the type of university she wanted. We immediately considered the ones on her initial Ucas application and got their telephone numbers.
“But when Lucy phoned up, nothing came out of her mouth. Luckily, the University of Kent accepted clearing applications on their website – and within half an hour she had an offer.
“Now she’s absolutely flying, and she’s had a brilliant first year.”
Lucy adds: “Luckily for me, I had a clearing expert on hand. Mum knew what to say and helped me stay calm and see which clearing offers were available. It was really helpful having her there to discuss my choices.”
Advice for parents
- Don’t panic and be prepared.
- Don’t see clearing as a threat.
- Take the morning off on results day, if at all possible.
- If your son or daughter’s marks aren’t what they expected, give them space and don’t be overbearing.
- Sit down with a cup of tea, do a quick regroup, and work through the options.
- Try to be a source of knowledge, so you can guide and support – if they ask you to.
- Draw up priorities with your child to formulate a shortlist. For example, is location more important than course content?
- Leave them to hit the phones and get offers.
- Discuss the pros and cons of each offer – and then pick one.
