A caller named Mike from Pittsburgh phoned into “The Ramsey Show” recently with a big question: Should he propose to his girlfriend even though they don't see eye to eye on money?
Mike, 36, explained that he recently sold a piece of land and will walk away with $180,000. He wants to use that money to pay off his house within four years, then rent it out. His long-term plan includes buying a bigger home with his girlfriend and eventually paying off her rental property to increase their combined cash flow.
She Wants A Prenup. He Wants To Combine Everything
While Mike is ready to merge finances, his girlfriend has a different idea: a prenup. That was a deal-breaker in his eyes. “I see no reason for it,” he said, with Dave Ramsey finishing his sentence, saying, “because your asset base is fairly similar.”
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Ramsey then cut to the chase. “You’re not ready to propose,” he told Mike. “You guys have got to continue to have this discussion until we can come to some kind of mediated agreement.”
Ramsey emphasized that this disagreement isn't about dollars but about values. “Your treasure is where your heart is,” he said, quoting Jesus. “When she says, ‘I want my stuff to be separated in a prenup,’ what she’s saying is, ‘I don’t agree with how you’re spending your money and our value systems are not aligned.'”
Ramsey co-host Jade Warshaw echoed that sentiment, saying the real red flag wasn't the prenup itself but what it represented. “The response to conflict can’t be, ‘Well then I’m just going to take my stuff over here,'” she said.
Ramsey took it a step further: “If you want to go super extreme, she likes her rental property more than she likes you.”
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Family Influence And Fear-Based Thinking
Mike believes part of the hesitation comes from his girlfriend’s upbringing. “Her mom’s always raised her once you have kids, your life is over,” he said. “Her mom has the outlook that you need that money to run away if something goes bad.”
Ramsey wasn't surprised. “We’re already planning our exit and we hadn’t even gotten to the altar,” he said.
He advised Mike to hold off on engagement and focus on getting aligned in four key areas: money, in-laws, children and religion. “If you’re aligned on them, statistically, you have a 90% probability of your marriage lasting.”
He also recommended premarital counseling and a six-month to 18-month engagement window.
“She’s probably a keeper,” Ramsey concluded, “but not yet.”
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