On Thursday, Astros owner Jim Crane addressed a massive scandal involving multiple members of his organization.
No, not the scandal where an Astros executive bullied three reporters in his noble attempt to defend an accused domestic abuser, only to deny it with the full-throated support of the team's public relations department, all contra the testimonies of multiple onlookers.
Nor that time Eagle Logistics _ the Crane-founded company where he amassed his wealth _ was sued by the Department of Justice for alleged war profiteering. (Not once, but four times.)
Not even the thousands of claims alleging race and gender discrimination at Eagle, resulting in a $9 million settlement.
No, Crane's latest mea culpa was regarding the Astros' illegal sign-stealing operation, executed by the players, but not without assistance from multiple members of the front office. The scandal, his latest and most infamous, has embroiled the franchise, leading to suspensions of his former manager and GM.
You would think, given Crane's extensive experience with shameful scandals, he might start to feel some remorse himself. Or at least become somewhat nimble at evading the truth. But no, his presser was littered with claims that were vapid, incorrect, easily disproven, and frankly, kinda hilarious:
