Blind date

What did Jake and Malik make of each other? Photograph: James Drew Turner; Graham Turner, both for the Guardian

Malik on Jake

What were you hoping for?
James Middleton.

First impressions?
Not James Middleton.

What did you talk about?
Him. A lot.

Any awkward moments?
Showing me his picture in a naked calendar left me speechless.

Good table manners?
He enjoyed having his iPhone out a lot – a cardinal sin in my books.

Best thing about Jake?
Jake is an avid traveller, so it was nice being with someone who is curious in that respect.

Would you introduce him to your friends?
My friends are very different from Jake, so probably not.

Describe him in three words
A little unabashed.

What do you think he made of you?
Probably that I’m too inquisitive and go off on strange tangents. All true.

Did you go on somewhere?
No, I had a friend’s party that I had to go to.

And… did you kiss?
Sadly not, on my part there was no romantic connection.

If you could change one thing, what would it be?
I would have chosen the grilled halloumi instead of the chilli sweetcorn fritters.

Marks out of 10?
4.

Would you meet again?
We live near one another, so knowing my luck I’ll see him in the street every week.

Jake on Malik

What were you hoping for?
A civilised start to an evening of debauchery.

First impressions?
He seemed shy but sweet.

What did you talk about?
Everything. He was easy to talk to so we never struggled to keep the convo afloat.

Any awkward moments?
I didn’t think so. But maybe I was more drunk than I thought so I didn’t notice.

Good table manners?
Superb. A culture clash started to show, though; I don’t mind being the loud-ass American, but he didn’t seem to be on that vibe.

Best thing about Malik?
He’s wicked smart.

Would you introduce him to your friends?
Not sure he’d be into them.

Describe him in three words?
Smart, upbeat, focused.

What do you think he made of you?
That I was a bit voodoo.

Did you go on somewhere?
Not together.

And... did you kiss?
No.

If you could change one thing, what would it be?
Another bottle of wine.

Marks out of 10?
5. We’re from different worlds.

Would you meet again?
Don’t think so.

• Malik and Jake ate at The Cornish Tiger, London SW11.

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