Which is more perplexing? A poll by USA Today that reveals that Donald Trump – seemingly undamaged by his incendiary remarks about Mexicans – is the leading contender in the crowded field to win the Republican presidential nomination, or the fact that, despite the man being worth $4bn, his hair still looks terrible.
Trump reportedly styles his own hair and, four years ago, gave a detailed account of his grooming routine to Rolling Stone. To summarise, after he has brushed his teeth and had a wee, he heads to the shower and gets to work. First, he washes it with Head & Shoulders. Then, air-dries it for 60 minutes (during which time reads the New York Post or watches Fox News), before combing it forward, “a little bit forward a little bit back” and folding it back. A fold-over, if you will.
Trump claims it is neither a toupee nor a comb-over, but whatever it is, “it doesn’t work”, says George Northwood, a London-based hair stylist who does Alexa Chung’s hair and, ergo, knows his stuff: “It just looks too forced.”
But what can be done? “I think he should get a hairpiece by Lucinda Ellery, who makes fantastic pieces that look totally natural. Failing that, he needs to cut it short. Shorter hair always looks thicker. My suggestion would be three-quarters of an inch on top, short at the back and the sides.”
Anything else? “Definitely rough-dry it instead of air-drying it. That just makes it flat.”
The colour, too – an inexplicable shade of Kraft cheese – could also be improved by “going natural”, says Northwood. “Presumably he dyes it, but the problem is that light-brown hair often goes warm and gingery in the sun. White hair is very porous, it doesn’t hold colour correctly.” Or he could try bleached blond. “It’s the only colour I think men should dye their hair. It can look really cool on the right guy.”
If blond feels a bit much, it’s worth remembering previous comparisons to the Peruvian flannel moth caterpillar or the hair of A Flock of Seagulls’s Mike Score. Yeah, we vote blond, too.
