Football’s a strange game.
You turn up after so many dreary 1-1 draws at Prime Minister’s Questions and then one side storms it.
Kemi Badenoch just couldn’t stop smashing the ball into the back of the net.
The Tory leader has improved at PMQs but no way near to the extent that she could score almost at will.
Keir Starmer has also upped his game at the showdown weekly clash.
But he’s now been nobbled by his own team.
Right winger (Wes Streeting) and Left winger (Andy Burnham) are both trying to force him out as manager, as are a number of other key Labour players, even if they won’t say so publicly.
And once the manager loses the dressing room it tends to show, as it did in the Commons.
As a massive Arsenal fan, Starmer was always going to mention the club winning the Premier League at the start of PMQs.
“It would be remiss of me not to comment on one of Manchester's great heroes moving on after almost a decade,” he said.
“So, let me congratulate Pep Guardiola on all his success at Manchester City.
“And Mr Speaker, if I could declare an interest, I'd also like to say congratulations to Arsenal Football Club on becoming the Premier League champions.”
A roar spread across north London on Tuesday night as Arsenal clinched the title for the first time in 22 years.
In contrast, the cheers on the Labour benches at Prime Minister’s Questions were, at least initially, subdued and dutiful.
The lacklustre support from Labour MPs set the tone and would have buoyed Badenoch and the Tories.
She quickly hit the PM with a jibe over fuel duty before following this up with an attack over changes to sanctions on Russian oil.
Starmer fought back: “In her mind, she won Eurovision on Saturday and scored the winning goal in the FA Cup final, but she never takes any responsibility for what they did for 14 long years.”
His shot, though, sailed wide of the goal.
He accused her of not having done her “homework” over Russian oil.
“Being patronizing is not a substitute for understanding policy,” she responded, to a swell of support on the Tory benches, with PMQs so often about the drama of the moment.
Doubling down, she accused in words that will hurt: “He is now choosing to buy dirty Russian oil. That money will be used to fund the killing of Ukrainian soldiers, isn't he ashamed?”
Starmer retorted: “The only people that benefit when we play party politics in here on Russia and Ukraine is Putin.”
Badenoch went personal again: “That pompous tone does not cover for the fact that he has got his policy all wrong.”
As Starmer again sought to defend the policy, Badenoch turned to mockery: “I wonder if he is okay.
“He is so deep in the bunker, he is importing sanctioned Russian oil, he is nationalizing steel, he is imposing price controls in the supermarket.
“It's like the Soviets won.”
She also tore into the PM over the fall in employment.
The Labour crowd finally found some voice to back the PM when he listed some recent good news for the Government and Britain.
“A lot has been happening in recent days, so she may have overlooked the fact that last week the ONS announced we have got the fastest growing economy in the G7,” he said.
“Last week we had the biggest fall in NHS waiting lists for 17 years.
“Today inflation has come down more than expected.
“If you'd offered me that and Arsenal becoming Premier League champions, I'd take it every day of the week.”
But the shadow of Greater Manchester Mayor Mr Burnham, and almost certain leadership challenger to Starmer if he wins the Makerfield by-election, was hanging over the Chamber.
With Starmer’s appearances at PMQs now looking numbered, Badenoch kept her most damning attack until the end.
It wasn’t the tone, the venom, or the policy that would have struck home.
It was that she was already moving on from Starmer as her political opponent.
“The fact is, he's got a Cabinet fighting to replace him, and the worst part is they are not getting rid of him over his terrible agenda. No, they actually like it.
“They just want a better salesman. So, isn't it the case... it doesn't matter who replaces him. The real problem is the Labour Party.”
Ouch...
