Never eat anything containing eggs
Yes, your hard-boiled treat or egg sandwich may taste good to you, but the sorry truth is that for everyone else, it smells … eggy. And not good eggy, either. From the moment you pop the Tupperware open, your lunch will be committing olfactory terrorism throughout the carriage – and will continue its eggy reign of terror for hours after you’ve wiped the last of the plasticky remnants away. Just … don’t.
Don’t put anything on a seat that isn’t your bottom
Most obviously, that means your bag … but also please resist the urge to stretch out your legs and plonk your feet on the seat opposite. Even if you’ve taken your shoes off. Especially, in fact. If this seems unfair to you, ask yourself this question: have you bought a separate ticket for your bag/feet/coat/whatever? If not, remove them. And if you have … actually, massive respect.
Respect the quiet carriage
The most popular misconception about the quiet carriage is that its real name is the “no phone call carriage” and all other forms of noise are acceptable. Do the decent thing: put your devices on silent (including your phone keypad) and try not to chat too loudly. Some of us are trying to sleep here.
In fact, respect the other carriages too
The single most alarming development in the world of public transport in the past 5,000 years has been the recent trend for people to listen to music without their headphones on. When you do this, nobody ever thinks “cool tune, bruh”; rather, they’re plotting exactly how to pass off their repeated stamping on your phone as an accident. The same goes for noisy video games and overzealous conversations about the crazy stuff you got up to at the weekend.
Try not to hog the table
So you managed to bag a table seat! Congratulations! But guess what – so did the other three people in the seats around you! Do keep within your quarter, there’s a good chap. After all, it’s nice to share.
Be as quick and efficient as possible when finding your seat
As any seasoned traveller will tell you, there really is nothing worse than someone who spends ages standing in the aisle arranging their bags and taking their coat off and trying to work out exactly what luggage to put in the overhead rack. Sit down and sort it out once everyone else has found their seats.
And if you have a reserved seat, don’t push your way to get on before others
Relax! It really doesn’t matter how many people get on before you … because you have a reserved seat! That’s what reserved means. Leave the others to scramble over what’s left – you can watch the battle from the sidelines.
Seek out discounts
Obviously we all know the monetary benefits of booking your ticket in advance – but did you realise that it’s not just students and OAPs who can get a third off with a railcard? From those aged 26-30, or those travelling with friends or family, to anyone in London or the south-east, there’s really no excuse not to own at least one railcard.
Don’t take the aisle seat when the window seat is free
We all know what your game is – you’re hoping people will be too polite to ask you to let them in, and then you’ll have two seats to yourself. Well, guess what? It’s a rubbish game, and everyone hates that game, and you’re just going to cause a lot more bother when someone needs to get by you anyway.
Also, don’t sit next to a stranger when there are other options
It’s weird and creepy. The end.
To find out more about getting a third off your train travel with a Railcard, visit railcard.co.uk
