Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and have been planning a family vacation which, of course, will include our two teenagers. We've tried to get the kids involved, but whenever we try to talk with them about what we've planned, we end up fighting. I'm about ready to cancel the whole thing. Can you think of a way we can put together a vacation that everyone will enjoy?
A: Unlike little kids, who are pretty hard to disappoint when it comes to travel _ teens are notoriously difficult to please. To start with, there's a really good chance you and your teens have very different ideas about how to define "fun." I'm guessing the words "visit a few museums" are on your list somewhere, but are nowhere to be seen on theirs.
The most important thing you can do is get your kids as involved in the planning process as possible. I can tell you from first-hand experience that it feels horrible to have put a lot of time and effort into finding and setting up activities you think the kids will love, only to have them gripe and complain and say they hate them. Once you've laid out some budget and distance limits, encourage your kids to hop online and research everything, from activities and attractions to hotels and restaurants. The more involved they are, the happier they'll be (and the less likely they'll be to complain later that "we never get to do anything we want to do"). Happy kids make a happy family vacation.
It's also important to be flexible and always have a plan B (and maybe C or D) _ and ask your kids to do the same. Things rarely go 100 percent perfectly _ events get cancelled, weather changes, roller coaster rides close unexpectedly _ so be prepared to make last-minute or on-the-fly adjustments.
Next, be prepared to compromise _ and let the kids know they'll have to do the same. For example, you might agree to see any movie they pick if they agree to go to birdwatching with you for roughly the same amount of time.
If your kids are responsible enough, consider giving them some money to spend any way they want. Speaking of responsibility, if you're taking a road trip and the kids are old enough, they should spend some time behind the wheel.
Be sure to build in plenty of down time. If you don't, you run the risk of turning what might otherwise be a fun family vacation into work. Downtime might include a few hours where the kids get to play video games and text their friends while you read a book (or vice versa). If you're vacationing in a place where you're confident that it's safe for the kids to go off on their own for a while, let them. Of course, just like at home, you'll all need to agree on where they're allowed to go, how long they can be gone, how often they need to check in, curfews and emergency procedures.
Finally, be aware that whenever you're traveling with teens, there's always the risk that they'll fall in love. There's something about unfamiliar surroundings that makes everything seem more exciting and everyone seem more attractive. How you handle the situation will, of course, depend on the circumstances. If you're trying discourage a summer romance, be gentle. It's better to let your children figure out for themselves that a long-distance romance is hard to maintain than blame you for ruining their life.
