Dear Anna,
Long-time reader, first-time writer here! I'm getting back on the saddle after a decade of serial monogamy. Have somehow managed to actually start dating, casually seeing a few people at the moment, but haven't gotten to hookup level just yet. Here's the thing, I'm suddenly paranoid that my crib isn't hookup-worthy!
My college hovel was fine back in the day, but I'm supposed to be succeeding at adulting, so I should have a pimped-out crib, right? And it should be spotless 24/7, too, right?? What's a girl to do? I can't keep my makeup stashed out of sight all the time, and I can't justify buying swanky leather sofas for a booty call. Help please! — Needing a Bachelorette Pad STAT
Dear NBPS,
I once had sex with (and then proceeded to date for four months) a woman who literally lived in a closet — her futon mattress was too wide for the small space and rested half up the wall like a sad parenthesis. In other words, I’m probably not the most pragmatic person to field this question, but I did some research on bachelorette pads and cleanliness, and here’s what I found.
Rent.com asked 1,000 U.S. singles about their turn-ons and turn-offs when it came to seeing a date’s apartment for the first time. Survey says: It doesn’t have to be spotless, but it should be reasonably clean. Eighty-two percent of respondents said they pay attention to how clean or dirty the apartment is—and 78% said a dirty apartment was their biggest turn off. And what about for longer-term dating situations? According to the survey, 67% said that a nice apartment would make them more interested in someone as a potential partner.
But what is “clean,” exactly? Isn’t it subjective? Yes, it is, but people care most about clean bathrooms, followed by clean kitchens, so if you only have time to put effort into a few spaces, focus on those.
If you’re really worried about your makeup specifically, or if it’s taking up the entire bathroom counter, perhaps get a case for it (or large plastic bin) and hide it under the sink before dates/hookups.
Other factors to consider include:
—Smell. As in, make sure your house doesn’t. If you have pets or are generally curious, it would behoove you to ask for an outside opinion as to the olfactory aromas of your abode. You live there, so you may not be able to detect any odors that might be an issue to other people. Lighting a scented candle is a quick and easy fix if you’re in a rush, though that can be off-putting to some as well, especially if it’s something weird like Christmas or triple fudge brownie scent). Mild air fresheners and plants (more on that later) also help.
—A comfortable couch. It doesn’t have to be leather, but it should be comfy, free of noticeable stains, and a place you want to “Netflix and chill.” If you have roommates, this can be harder (or not up to you at all), but in general, a nice couch = a nice touch.
—A decent bed setup. This seems like a no-brainer, but not having sheets on the bed is a big turn-off, as well as having a mattress-on-the-floor setup. (If you’re in your early 20s, you can probably get a pass on this. For now.) Get a bed frame and make it a sturdy one — not for aesthetics, but so you can have sex without alerting everyone in a 6-mile radius. Most IKEA frames need not apply.
Other apartment deal breakers include the usual suspects: Vermin, bugs, stacks of crusty dishes, beer bottles everywhere, dirty clothes on the floor and not in a hamper, hoarding — all are frowned upon, if not outright public health issues. Avoid them at all costs.
Some nonessential, but nice-to-have items include:
—Plants. Plants not only add color, but they also neutralize chemicals in the air, relieve stress, make you happy and give off a nice scent. If you succ at keeping things alive, try a succulent. In fact, succulents to dates are like casseroles to Midwesterners. IRRESISTIBLE.
—A custom bar. Hey, while we’re dreaming, why not? Get yourself a small bar cart and stack it with a few essentials (ingredients for one or two mixed drinks, a wine bottle or two, and a couple of glasses) that you can keep on hand for dates. If it has wheels, you can roll it on over to the couch or bed for prime sexy-time refreshments.
—Good vibes. That may sound witchy and vague, but good energy doesn’t have to mean breaking out the nag champa or sage-ing everything (although you totally can)! Bringing good vibes to your space can involve things like displaying photos and memories of happy times, trying some feng shui, and yes, cleaning or tidying up, which also helps to provide relief from anxiety and moodiness.
