Right, that’s it from me. Thanks for your emails – particularly the fruit-based ones – and your tweets. Be sure to stick around on site for all the reports and reaction. Cheerio!
Safe to say that Australia shaded that. Feels like only one team can win it from here.
STUMPS
Australia 337-1. 337-1!!!
Updated
90th over: Australia 337-1 (Rogers 158, Smith 129)
Stuart Broad sends down the final six balls of a miserable day for England and a wonderful day for Australia. There’s no late sting, a Rogers edge dropping a foot or so short of the man at slip.
“Just got in and checked the score,” writes Stewart Graham. “Like being transported back in time to 2002 and the first day at Brisbane. Before I scroll through the days OBO at least tell me Cook didn’t win the toss and put them in.” No, he’s been spared that ignominy.
89th over: Australia 333-1 (Rogers 155, Smith 129)
A roll of the dice – Moeen Ali with the newish ball. Smith blocks, blocks and nurdles into the leg side for one.
88th over: Australia 332-1 (Rogers 155, Smith 128)
The next landmark comes up – the 250 partnership. And … Shot! Rogers sends a glorious drives whistling through the covers for four. Lovely stuff.
87th over: Australia 327-1 (Rogers 151, Smith 127)
Rogers goes to his 150 with a thick edge through gully for four. And we get a strangled appeal as Anderson gets an inswinger to loop past the bat and onto Rogers’ thigh pad.
Do we have to start thinking of this as one of England’s worse days in Ashes history? There can’t have been all that many 350-odd-for-one days over the years.
86th over: Australia 323-1 (Rogers 147, Smith 127)
Just two overs with the new ball for Mark Wood. Stuart Broad replaces him at the Nursery End. As if things weren’t bad enough for England, a couple of possible worse-for-wear gentlemen in the crowd have started yawping Kumbayah. Now definitely in need of cheering …
85th over: Australia 320-1 (Rogers 144, Smith 127)
Six overs left, then, for England to find some crumb of comfort, some straw to clutch. Neither crumb nor straw can be found here – Anderson sends down a rank wide half-tracker and is flapped wide of point for four by Smith.
84th over: Australia 315-1 (Rogers 143, Smith 123)
A play and a miss. Wood sends down a beauty at Smith, angled in, jagging away and beating the outside edge by an inch. But the batsman is back in control a couple of balls later, flaying a pull to cow corner for four as Wood tries some chin music.
83rd over: Australia 311-1 (Rogers 143, Smith 119)
And Jimmy Anderson has the ball in his hands at the Pavilion End. He’s bowling full, giving the ball every chance … but Rogers simply leans into a cover drive and picks up four runs.
This partnership is now the highest Australian second-wicket partnership at Lord’s, eclipsing the 231 set by Woodfull and The Don in 1930.
England fans might need a little cheering up …
82nd over: Australia 305-1 (Rogers 139, Smith 117)
England take the new ball then. And it is being handed to Mark Wood. Smith sees out five balls without fuss, then slams the last through the covers for four.
Australia 300-1 at Lord's. Hello 1990s, I have missed you.
— Sachin Nakrani (@SachinNakrani) July 16, 2015
81st over: Australia 301-1 (Rogers 139, Smith 113)
But not taken. Moeen continues and Rogers unfurls the latest of late dabs for a couple more, then takes a single to take Australia to the 300 mark. For one.
80th over: Australia 297-1 (Rogers 135, Smith 112)
Just one one from Wood’s latest over. New ball available …
“Re. nectarine/tangerine – I’m relieved that this has been cleared up,” writes Mark Restall. “Anyone who peeled a nectarine would be, in any right thinking person’s mind, a Suspicious Character. In addition, I was concerned about the safety aspects of nectarines descending from great heights and the example being set for younger readers. A peeled tangerine on the other hand is lighter and less dense. You’d be hard pushed to cause concussion with one.” Eating habits can tell you quite a bit about a person – I heard some things about pomegranates yesterday that would blow your mind.
79th over: Australia 296-1 (Rogers 135, Smith 112)
“Well, if England can cause a mid innings collapse, we could still get them out for under 400,” roars optimism’s Tom Van Der Gucht. “Alternatively, England could fight fire with fire and run up their own massive score of 600 plus for 4 declared and put then under last innings pressure. But, I still feel we’ve pretty much just got Australia where we want them at this point.” I’ll have two of whatever Tom’s having, thank you barkeep.
Moeen is nurdles away by Smith for a single, then whipped forcefully down to cow corner for three by Rogers.
Updated
78th over: Australia 292-1 (Rogers 132, Smith 111)
Mark Wood returns for a quick blast before the new ball. Smith takes a single from the first, Rogers a single from the second, Smith a single from the fourth. Three dots, three singles.
77th over: Australia 289-1 (Rogers 131, Smith 109)
Moeen continues after the drinks break. It’s good, probing stuff … and it’s a maiden.
Fruit-based controversy here. “Re Bob Miller’s comment on me peeling a nectarine (Over 36),” begins a shame-faced Tom Ireland. “I confused nectarines with tangerines. Making such a basic mistake on a national newspaper website probably counts as another fruit-based disaster.”
76th over: Australia 289-1 (Rogers 131, Smith 109)
Stokes strays to leg at Rogers, who glances effortlessly away to fine leg for four. Australia are racing now. And that’s drinks.
75th over: Australia 283-1 (Rogers 126, Smith 109)
Moeen rattles through another over. Just a single from it.
Glass of champagne for Alaistair Cook at tea, perhaps?
74th over: Australia 282-1 (Rogers 126, Smith 108)
The new ball approacheth. And England need it. Yet another of those late cuts from Rogers sees him pick up four more to third man and takes this partnership to the 200 mark. Then … an edge! Beautifully bowled by Stokes, who square up Rogers but the ball flies through the vacant third slip area and away for another boundary. It means that this is now Rogers’ highest Test score.
73rd over: Australia 272-1 (Rogers 116, Smith 108)
Moeen finds a touch of turn and, shortly afterwards, Steve Smith’s gloves. But it’s not one you could categorise as a chance for Jos Buttler and the batsman picks up four runs to fine leg. Eight off the over, and 18 off the last two.
72nd over: Australia 264-1 (Rogers 113, Smith 103)
Rogers clumps Stokes through the covers for four more, tickles for two, then bashes another boundary to midwicket. The century landmarks out of the way, it’s a just-how-horrendous-is-this-going-to-be? situation for England.
71st over: Australia 254-1 (Rogers 103, Smith 103)
“You mention Steve Smith’s flawless century, is that missing out the drop from Bell?” writes James. “Which is already looking as important a moment as the drop of Root in Cardiff?” Absolutely right. That drop had completely slipped my mind. Still, it has been a great innings. Moeen sends down a maiden at him here.
70th over: Australia 254-1 (Rogers 103, Smith 103)
Rogers gets his century! A lovely moment for him after so many near misses of late. He could’ve gone in the first over but here he is at nearly 5pm BST guiding Australia past the 250 mark.
“A rather sobering thought, if Ben Hendy is correct about 1993 and all that, is who gets to be poor Craig McDermott?” writes Andrew Benzeval. “As it is England have one less wicket than 1993 and it’s hard to see us changing that at the minute.”
Updated
69th over: Australia 250-1 (Rogers 99, Smith 103)
Moeen has switched ends here. He floats up a full toss so juicy it should come served with a serrated knife and choice of creamy sauces but Rogers, two runs short of his century, can only punch it to the man at short midwicket. Cue a rueful smile at the missed opportunity. He does steal a single from the last, though, to move to 99 …
68th over: Australia 248-1 (Rogers 98, Smith 103)
Smith gets his century! Anderson is back and his first is a loosener, which Smith flat bats down to cow corner for four. The ovation for the ton is a huge one. And a single from the next takes him to 1000 career runs against England. It’s been a superb knock, flat pitch or no,
Updated
67th over: Australia 242-1 (Rogers 97, Smith 98)
Steve Smith isn’t going to go down easily in this race for to 100. He crunches the returning Root back over the bowler’s head for six, sending the members scattering. Then sweeps and tucks for a couple of couples. He even pinches the strike with a single off the last.
66th over: Australia 232-1 (Rogers 97, Smith 87)
Rogers moves into the 90s with a trademark late cut off Moeen for four. And he follows that up a couple of balls later with a back foot punch through the covers for four. He’s one meaty blow from his first ton since Port Elizabeth last year.
“Afternoon John, afternoon everybody,” writes Ben Hendy. “I can’t be the only one who’s having flashbacks to Lords in 1993, can I?”
65th over: Australia 224-1 (Rogers 89, Smith 87)
Broad bangs down a bouncer at Rogers, who ducks and ends up flat on his back, legs in the air, like a beetle. And more elegant destruction from Smith – he steps across and tucks a ball outside off stump wide of long on for four.
64th over: Australia 218-1 (Rogers 88, Smith 82)
CLONK! Smith skips down the wicket and clobbers Moeen back down the ground for four. And he follows that up by rocking on to the back foot and clipping to midwicket for a single. Good cricket. Rogers gets a single – his just added the one run in his last 17 deliveries.
63rd over: Australia 212-1 (Rogers 87, Smith 77)
Bowling at Steve Smith in this mood must just be a nightmare. He steps so far across to off that it has to play havoc with your radar. He guides Broad away for four through backward point to move on to 77. At this rate he’ll reach three figures before his batting partner, who has become a little becalmed with the century mark approaching. And not for the first time.
62nd over: Australia 208-1 (Rogers 87, Smith 73)
Ooh, sloppy. Two overthrows for Australia as several players amble around in a daze as the throw comes in to the bowler’s end. Smith picks up three runs as a result. Rogers drives the next from Moeen straight into Joe Root’s though at silly mid off. And as a result, Ballance sticks the lid on and replaces his team-mate in the firing line.
61st over: Australia 205-1 (Rogers 87, Smith 70)
More fine fielding, from Adam Lyth this time who sprawls at mid off to deny Smith a boundary, keeping the batsman instead to a single. And a couple of balls later Broad produces another cracker. Twice in two overs now he’s attached jump leads to this dead pitch and found dramatic signs of life. Again it was angled in from round the wicket, again it seamed away past the outside edge of a Rogers drive.
60th over: Australia 204-1 (Rogers 87, Smith 69)
Moeen offers Smith a hint of width outside off, and the batsman, casually as you like, slides the ball off the face for three runs that take Australia to 200. And the left-handed Rogers produces the mirror image from the next, but getting hold of the thing rather better and picking up four runs to third man. From the third ball of an eventful over, Rogers props forward in defence and the ball spins back of the blade. He has to take some quick evasive action to tap the ball away from the off stump at the second attempt.
59th over: Australia 197-1 (Rogers 83, Smith 66)
Stuart Broad from the Pavilion End. Smith leans into a drive and it takes a superb tumbling stop from Gary Ballance in the covers to prevent a boundary. Then – what’s this? – a bit of movement and carry for the bowler. It’s a fantastic ball actually, one angled in and seeming away from the left-handed Rogers, who drives at thin air. Bat was a good two inches from ball there.
“Things that seem easy?” writes Peter Giles. “Well I just dropped my whole lunch on the carpet (food and drink) on my way back to my desk. Obviously I blame your OBO conversation for that.”
58th over: Australia 195-1 (Rogers 82, Smith 65)
Hello again everyone. Moeen continues after the break and Smith nudges for a couple and then a single. This pitch has joined the bleedin’ choir invisible.
TEA
And that is tea. Australia scored 3.85 runs an over before lunch, but only 2.9 runs an over in the second session. Which is pretty much all they’ve got to worry about at the minute. John Ashdown will be back at any moment to take you through to stumps. Bye!
Updated
57th over: Australia 191-1 (Rogers 81, Smith 62)
Rogers could not have been less interested in scoring a run there, and Lyth bowls a maiden. “Not being used to this, one for just under two hundred runs, does this mean the Aussies, if they keep this up will be 10 wickets down for two thousand runs?” wonders Stephen Pendle. Really the sensible thing to do would be to ask Australia how many runs they’d like to score, and how quickly they’d like to score them, stick the runs on the scorebard and perhaps play a quick ODI in the time they’d have taken to get them before England start their reply.
56th over: Australia 191-1 (Rogers 81, Smith 62)
Moeen bowls, Smith scores a couple, and England are going to play their way to tea with spin at both ends – Adam Lyth is preparing for his Test bowling debut.
55th over: Australia 189-1 (Rogers 81, Smith 60)
“Surely it is the prerogative of the home side to prepare pitches how they wish. A great Test side must travel the world proving themselves on every type of surface,” writes Dave Brown, as Wood bowls out a maiden to Rogers. “It is also not their job to provide pitches for the benefit of the crowd.” That’s certainly true, but pitches like this (though it may offer something to spinners in due course) benefit only the accountants and caterers who would most benefit from having a fifth day (inasmuch as having nice big numbers to look at counts as a benefit for accountants).
54th over: Australia 189-1 (Rogers 81, Smith 60)
Moeen comes on, and after a few dots Rogers gloves the ball just to the right of Buttler – who has his head (well, helmet) in his hands – and to the left of the leg slip, and away for three.
Updated
53rd over: Australia 186-1 (Rogers 78, Smith 60)
Wood hits Smith in the thigh pad and appeals for lbw, but Marais Erasmus shakes his head and there’s no review (rightly, the ball being on its way well over leg stump). A single later, Rogers pushes the ball to the cover boundary.
52nd over: Australia 180-1 (Rogers 73, Smith 59)
Twice Smith rolls the ball to Moeen at deep point and runs two, and then he does it again for a single. That leaves Rogers one delivery, which is so wide he has to really stretch to divert it wide of point for four. “The administrators that ask for a wicket like this to be prepared are also asking why nobody’s coming to watch Test cricket,” huffs Ricky Ponting about the surface (though obviously today’s a total sell-out).
51st over: Australia 171-1 (Rogers 69, Smith 54)
Wood does one of his last-moment leftward leaps to deliver the ball from a surprising width. Smith hits it for three. His other five deliveries are all dots.
50th over: Australia 168-1 (Rogers 69, Smith 51)
Edged by Smith! And dropped by Bell at second slip! The recently greasy-palmed fielder shakes a sore finger, but his team-mates are grimacing at least as much after that chance went down. To be fair, it came to him low – his fingers were just tucked underneath the ball as it landed – but at 3.15pm and without England taking a wicket all day (I’m not counting Warner, whose wicket wasn’t so much taken as gifted), England so badly needed that to stick.
Updated
49th over: Australia 167-1 (Rogers 69, Smith 50)
Steve Smith has half of a century, reaching 50 with a humdrum single, and then Rogers sees off the final five deliveries of Wood’s over without doing anything very much. “A few years ago my friend spent a year in Senegal in a small town as part of his university studies,” recalls Karl Gibbons. “One day when coming back from town with a bag of oranges a group of young boys were happy to see the new guy and were over speaking to him. Unable to speak the lingo, my friend reverted to the tried and tested “pull my finger and I will do a fart” routine that had served him well through the years. Sadly once the finger was pulled he did slightly more than fart… “followed through” I think is the safest way to explain what happened. The boys, expecting something to happen when the finger was pulled, but not realising what had happened stood there waiting to see why my friend had just asked them to pull his finger. Embarassed and presumable sheepish, my friend gave the bag of oranges to the boys and quickly made for home.”
Updated
48th over: Australia 166-1 (Rogers 69, Smith 49)
I see Andrew Flintoff and the mini-Flintoffs are at Lord’s. Though I think we’re at least three fallen wickets away from anyone in an England shirt declaring it the best day ever.
The boys are having the best day ever @englandcricket ! #ashes pic.twitter.com/uI7uYE4xIb
— andrew flintoff (@flintoff11) July 16, 2015
47th over: Australia 165-1 (Rogers 69, Smith 48)
Ooooh! Close! Wood bowls at Rogers, who inside-edges just past his stumps and safely away for a single. His stats suggest flawless run-accumulation (if also a fear of three-figure numbers), but he’s been very close to out three times today, while – total idiocy aside – nobody else has been particularly threatened. And then he slashes to the third-man boundary for four!
46th over: Australia 159-1 (Rogers 64, Smith 47)
Stokes bowls, Smith edges and the ball flies low and true, straight to third slip. There is no one at third slip. Four runs. “Early in my footloose 20s, I ruined a tiny rental flat with an overripe honeydew melon,” writes Nick Tebbutt. “I was trying to teach my roommate to pass a rugby ball with it - but one thing lead to another and soon we were hurling it around, each hoping it would burst on the other. Eventually, it did – showering mushy flesh and juice all over us, the sofas, carpets and a couple of walls. Being slovenly layabouts, we obviously didn’t clean it up properly. And so began the Summer of All The Ants.”
If you listen to this song but shout ANTS every time they mention love, you’ve got yourself the perfect soundtrack to the film of the event, I think.
45th over: Australia 153-1 (Rogers 64, Smith 41)
Wood bowls, amid near-constant field-tweakage. Smith scores a single again. “Rosalita Jones need not be embarrassed about her mango-related troubles,” writes Erik Petersen. “As a South Florida resident myself, I can confirm that they are Satan’s own fruit. Not only do the little jerks like to firebomb you when falling from trees, they’re disgusting once they land. If you have, say, oranges or grapefruit, you get a few days’ grace period between the time when they fall and the time when they rot. Not with the demon mango. It explodes into a little rotting mango turd pretty much immediately upon impact. Then the horrible little flies swarm. In response, I always take my blender onto the back patio and blend my mango margaritas in full view of them. Make them understand who’s in charge – it’s the only language they understand.” Yeah, that’ll learn them alright.
44th over: Australia 152-1 (Rogers 64, Smith 40)
Stokes bowls, Smith gets a single. Another coin-toss statistic for you: over the last decade teams which won the toss at Lord’s have won six Tests, drawn seven and lost eight. But then there’s also this:
Ominous stat of the day: the team batting second has lost 11 and won only one of the last 14 Lord's Tests.
— 100 Ashes Quotes (@100ashesquotes) July 16, 2015
Updated
43rd over: Australia 151-1 (Rogers 64, Smith 39)
Root continues. And Rogers continues to accumulate in untroubled fashion, another late chop to third man adding four to the tally and taking Australia past the 150 mark.
And with that, I’ll take my leave. Simon Burnton will be back to guide you through to the tea break.
42nd over: Australia 146-1 (Rogers 60, Smith 38)
A good move from Alastair Cook here – with the game in danger of drifting away from England, Ben Stokes returns to the attack. The fourth ball, though, is too full and too wide from the all-rounder and Smith is able to free his arms and squirt a drive through backward point for four. Stokes scuffs the turf in frustration.
“Re: Things That Should Be Easy That Are Actually Really Difficult Because You’re Not Very Good At Life Sometimes,” writes Thomas Hurles. “This morning I managed to hurt my knee quite badly by inadvertently knocking it with a bin bag containing nothing but the used wallpaper I’d stripped from my living room, and was taking to be disposed of. This came after an age of hand-wringing and procrastination over how best to dispose of said wallpaper, the dilemma being only resolved after a pitiful email to my local Council.
“It’s a sad indication of my general uselessness at life that the Hellish task of wallpaper stripping was by far the easiest part of the whole endeavour. I have an entire house of this sort of thing to go.”
Updated
41st over: Australia 141-1 (Rogers 60, Smith 33)
Root loses his line, straying down the leg side and allowing Smith to club a sweep for a couple of runs. And a few balls later he’s able to push calmly back down the ground for a single. It’s all very easy for this pair at the moment – the partnership is 62 and counting.
Updated
40th over: Australia 138-1 (Rogers 60, Smith 30)
Four more, Rogers dabbing late to guide Moeen to the boundary as the bowler again drops a shade short.
39th over: Australia 133-1 (Rogers 56, Smith 29)
Finger spin from both ends – Joe Root gets the chance to turn his arm over. Rogers pounces on a touch of width, punching through point for four.
“Re. Fruit-based disasters, I was visiting my sister in Miami last year and she has a mango tree in her garden,” begins Rosalita Jones. “The mangoes were in season and when I went out to collect some that had fallen from the tree, one fell from a height, landed right on my head and knocked me out cold! I was only out for a couple seconds but went to the hospital as a precaution and I turned out to have a mild concussion. My sister now wears a bike helmet when she has to collect ripe mangoes.” That’s a lesson for us all. In fact, it works as a proverb – If You Wish To Collect Mangoes, Always Wear A Helmet.
38th over: Australia 129-1 (Rogers 52, Smith 29)
Moeen drags one down but Smith misses out, scuffing his pull to backward square leg. That’s the only Hit-Me ball of an otherwise tight over.
37th over: Australia 129-1 (Rogers 52, Smith 29)
With Smith shuffling across his stumps, Anderson throws in a yorker and then tries a leg-stump line. It’s a good little battle and one that the batsman wins on this occasion.
36th over: Australia 128-1 (Rogers 52, Smith 28)
Moeen, England’s sole wicket-taker thus far, returns to the fray. Just a single from the over.
“While I admire (32nd over) Tom Ireland’s aim, and indeed his moxy, there really is no need to peel a nectarine surely?” writes Bob Miller. “You just lose loads of flesh and juice. Post apoalyptic Mad Max style societies will look back and shake their heads at our wastefulness.” The thought did occur to me too. And, if you’re about to lob a nectarine at a sworn playgrown enemy then surely the peeled version would be rather slippy, greatly increasing the risk of an embarrassing fluff of a throw. It’s madness.
35th over: Australia 126-1 (Rogers 52, Smith 27)
Cracking shot from Smith, a forceful backfoot punch past gully and away for four as Anderson strives in search of movement. Australia are getting into a very dangerous (from England’s perspective) rhythm here.
“For ‘Things That Should Be Easy That Are Actually Really Difficult Because You’re Not Very Good At Life Sometimes,’ I’ve got you all beat,” writes Andy Kelly. “I have - not once, but twice - poked myself in the eye whilst brushing my teeth (though not on the same morning).”
34th over: Australia 122-1 (Rogers 52, Smith 23)
A nudge here and a nurdle there as the this pair keep the scoreboard ticking over. Broad attempts a yorker from the last – and it’s a decent one, Rogers inside-edging onto the pad. The Australian opener is in pretty good nick, though …
Chris Rogers' last nine innings: 55, 55, 57, 69, 95, 56, 95, 10, 51* (ongoing) http://t.co/un9mrmyicI #InvestecAshes #Ashes
— ESPNcricinfo (@ESPNcricinfo) July 16, 2015
33rd over: Australia 118-1 (Rogers 51, Smith 20)
Anderson (10-2-36-0) gets Smith to play the first false shot since lunch, with a ball that just holds its line and tempts a whooshing air-drive. And from the final ball of the over he has Smith in trouble again, this time with one that swings in and finds a thick inside edge. Put on your best Andy Townsend voice and intone “BETTER” – you’ll get the idea.
32nd over: Australia 118-1 (Rogers 51, Smith 20)
Rogers gets tucked up a little by a ball just short of a length from Broad that jags back a touch. But it’s an otherwise entirely fuss-free over.
“At school there was an ongoing rivalry between two groups of lads – the ones who hung out in front of the library and those who hung out round the side,” begins Tom Ireland. “Putting my schoolboy cricket skills to good use one lunchtime, I launched a juicy peeled nectarine perfectly over the library’s roof and onto the head of one of said rivals. It was a beautiful throw, worthy of a warm ovation from today’s discerning Lord’s crowd. Sadly as I turned round to celebrate the splattering I realised a particularly nasty PE teacher was now stood behind me and had seen the whole thing. He made me fashion a tabard out of a bin bag in front of a everyone and go round the playground picking up litter for the rest of lunch.” Rightly so.
31st over: Australia 118-1 (Rogers 51, Smith 20)
A short, wide meh of a delivery is whacked through the covers for four by Smith – Anderson hasn’t really hit his straps so far today. He does, though, find a meaty bit of inswing from the fifth ball of the over. Smith deals with it comfortably enough.
“Things That Should Be Easy That Are Actually Really Difficult Because You’re Not Very Good At Life Sometimes,” writes Simon Koppel. “My wife and I call this being ‘Not Competent’, which is entirely different from being ‘incompetent’. I’m a thoroughly incompetent cricketer, and wouldn’t claim otherwise. But when, as happened recently, I walk into a locked door having mistaken it for the unlocked and open door next to it which I had successfully walked through several days in a row, that was Not Competent.”
30th over: Australia 114-1 (Rogers 51, Smith 16)
Broad comes round the wicket to Rogers, who since that scare in the first over of the day has been a picture of serenity. Five dots and then a lovely tippy-toed flick through point for four runs that take him to yet another half century.
29th over: Australia 110-1 (Rogers 47, Smith 16)
It’s Jimmy Anderson at the other end and he’s immediately whipped through midwicket for three, before following up with a wide.
“Re: Things That Should Be Easy That Are Actually Really Difficult Because You’re Not Very Good At Life Sometimes,” begins Matthew Peace. “I moved flats recently and started shopping at a different brand of supermarket. Lets say it was from Tresco to Misbah. Anyway I was so used to Tresco, that walking round Misbah confused the daylights out of me. I gave up and left with some rubber gloves and a smoked sausage. I thought to myself, this is what it must feel like just coming out of prison. Which I then told the cashier, who dealt me the look I deserved.”
Updated
28th over: Australia 106-1 (Rogers 44, Smith 16)
So Stuart Broad kicks things off with the ball after lunch. There’s a hint – a soupçon – of away swing to the right-handed Rogers, who drops-and-scampers for a quick single. Smith does likewise from he final ball of the over but it’s a much riskier affair as Moeen charges in from mid on. Smith is gone, gone, gone if he can throw down the stumps but it’s a wild throw from the spinner, a good yard wide.
Oh, Gary …
@John_Ashdown The moral of the nectarine story is that Eng need to bowl a peach of a delivery to get an Aussie plumb LBW now Watson's gone.
— Gary Naylor (@garynaylor999) July 16, 2015
Updated
So that’s a riff for the afternoon then. Fruit-based Disasters. Or Things That Should Be Easy That Are Actually Really Difficult Because You’re Not Very Good At Life Sometimes.
Hello everyone. It’s one of those days I’m afraid. This morning I attempted to buy a nectarine. It’s a relatively simple task, involving the selection of a piece of fruit, the exchange of currency for said fruit, and, if all goes well, the eating and digestion of the same. What actually happened involved a cack-handed juggle around the cafe followed by an unseemly scrabble around the floor to recover a now bruised and filthy nectarine. Which, obviously, I could not put back.
So the upshot is that I’m now sat at my desk with a piece of fruit that no one could possibly want. It’s got a History. No piece of fruit should really have a History. And it’s all mushy.
The moral of the story? What at first sight might appear the most straightforward of tasks can sometimes turn out to be deceptively difficult. And so it has proven for England at Lord’s this morning. The Australian batting order that looked so brittle in Cardiff has served up a gentle reminder of its quality. There’s no sense of an imminent skittling in the offing. It could be a long day in the field.
I’m going to hand over to John Ashdown for the next 90 minutes or so. Back in a bit.
LUNCH
And that’s yer lot, for now. Australia won the toss and made the right and obvious call, and there have only been a couple of deliveries – third ball to Rogers, and one from Broad to the same batsman that only just missed the stumps – that so much as threatened to take a wicket. England will only be cheered by the fact that the one wicket to fall was handed to them by a moment of idiocy from Warner.
Updated
27th over: Australia 104-1 (Rogers 43, Smith 16)
Mark Wood bowls, Smith gets another single, and the session ends with Australia presumably feeling very good indeed about their prospects. “You Poms are sounding very chipper this morning for supporters of a team that is going for a very comfortable 100 + runs per session!” writes someone who doesn’t say what their name is in their emails. “Hope springs eternal eh?” Sure, it hasn’t been a very encouraging morning for England’s bowlers but, on the plus side, it’s lunchtime.
26th over: Australia 103-1 (Rogers 43, Smith 15)
Stokes bowls, and the ball comes off Smith’s leg, or his bat, or his bat and his leg, and anyway bounces well short of the slips. He eventually takes a single from the last ball of the over.
@Simon_Burnton Sadly, the cat really has died.I think we'll keep it secret from the 7yr old today (unless there's a batting collapse)
— Glos' White (@GlosWhite) July 16, 2015
Oh no! Terrible news. Apologies for my insensitivity. And for England’s total failure to provide you with potentially-cheering pre-lunch wickets.
25th over: Australia 102-1 (Rogers 43, Smith 14)
Wood bangs the ball in shortish, Rogers takes a very minimalist approach to evasive action and the ball bangs off his lower back and wide off Buttler for a couple of leg byes.
Updated
24th over: Australia 100-1 (Rogers 43, Smith 14)
Australia reach triple figures with a straight drive from Rogers for three. Smith tries to drive as well, chasing after a wide one, and is lucky to miss the ball completely.
23rd over: Australia 97-1 (Rogers 40, Smith 14)
Wood bowls at Smith, with three slips back in play to the newish batsman, and it’s a maiden. “It’s always difficult when your pet cat has been killed on the road, and sick jokes don’t help,” writes John Starbuck. “There’s no easy way to break the news but it’s best if you involve the family in the burial or other disposal, and get them to think about having another one. This depends on if there are other cats in the family, but involvement in choosing and watching a kitten grow up can help.” So you think the cat has actually died? I kind of assumed he had invented a bad situation for himself. I feel awful.
22nd over: Australia 97-1 (Rogers 40, Smith 14)
“Hi Simon,” writes Tony Cowards, as Stokes gives up just a single run. Hello. “I’ve recently discovered that Michael Clarke is a bit of country and western fan on the sly …
Moeen by Michael Clarke
Moeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Moeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen...
Please don’t take him just because you canYour beard is beyond compare
With flowing locks of jet black hair
With wickets tumbling of our baggy green
Your spin is like a breath of spring
Your grip is soft like summer rain
And we cannot compete with you, MoeenWe talk about you in our sleep
There’s nothing we can do to keep
From crying when you take the ball, MoeenAnd I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don’t know what losing means to me, MoeenMoeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen,
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Moeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen
Please don’t take him just because you canYou could bowl your choice of ball
But I could never pick them all
And please don’t score so many runs, MoeenI had to have this talk with you
Aussie happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, MoeenMoeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen,
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Moeen, Moeen, Moeen, Moeen,
Please don’t take him even though you can
Moeen, Moeen
Crikey.
21st over: Australia 96-1 (Rogers 40, Smith 13)
Another full toss from Moeen is hit straight back at him, through his legs and away for four by Smith. There are a couple of singles, too. Australia have rocketed along this morning at 4.57 an over.
20th over: Australia 90-1 (Rogers 39, Smith 8)
Stokes’ first over of the day yields a couple of singles.
@Simon_Burnton any chance of some morale boosting wickets before lunch-it's my daughters bday and I need to tell her the cat's been run over
— Me (@GlosWhite) July 16, 2015
… and it’s being served up as we speak at Lord’s, perched between slices of bun and balanced atop an iceberg leaf. And in answer to your question, apparently only if the batsmen have a Warneresque brain-freeze.
Updated
19th over: Australia 88-1 (Rogers 38, Smith 7)
Shot! Smith’s first boundary of the day is a fine cover drive. “I don’t like Mike Atherton’s 11th-over revelation that, for the first time in his captaincy tenure, Michael Clarke has done The Opposite,” writes Mac Millings. “There’s strong evidence that this can be a profitable approach.”
18th over: Australia 83-1 (Rogers 38, Smith 2)
Anderson has tried one end, he’s tried the other end, and he still hasn’t looked consistently threatening. Or even sporadically threatening, really. But he’s still going, still looking. Maiden over.
Only really sad part of that Warner dismissal is we just get to see him do it once. Best part of the day already gone
— Barney Ronay (@barneyronay) July 16, 2015
17th over: Australia 83-1 (Rogers 38, Smith 2)
An infinitely less dramatic second over for Moeen, with three singles coming off it.
Updated
16th over: Australia 80-1 (Rogers 36, Smith 1)
A couple of singles, Smith getting off the mark first ball. “They should eliminate the toss and always give the touring side a choice of whether to bat first or second,” suggests Simon Eckford. “It’d drive the laying of more balanced pitches and reduce home advantage.” It would also counteract the one major flaw in my proposed plan:
@Simon_Burnton Trouble with tossing for 1st test then alternating allows groundsmen too much certainty to prepare pitches for home team.
— wjc2073 (@wjc2073) July 16, 2015
15th over: Australia 78-1 (Rogers 35, Smith 0)
Moeen Ali comes on and starts with a full toss, which Warner smashes away for four. His second ball also goes for four, and then a couple of singles later Warner tries to give it a bit more welly, and gets punished for it. There was absolutely no need for that, none. And here’s a treat for those at Lord’s today. Mmmmmmmm … slop sandwich.
At Lord's and peckish? Check out our new WGs sandwich bar under the Grand Stand. #LoveLords pic.twitter.com/3RPML3RsE6
— Lord's Ground (@HomeOfCricket) July 16, 2015
Updated
WICKET! Warner c Anderson b Moeen Ali 38 (Australia 78-1)
Warner goes big, smashing the ball high into the air and down towards the long-off boundary, but he doesn’t get enough on it and Anderson, running back, takes the catch! Needless. The batsman will be unchuffed about that one, but off he goes, to find a mirror to have a long, hard look at himself in.
Updated
14th over: Australia 68-0 (Rogers 34, Warner 29)
The runs are really flowing here, and Rogers sends the ball past point for four more, while England’s match-opening three-slips-and-a-leg-slip-to-boot has become two slips. Here’s Darren Lehmann on Shane Watson, courtesy of Cricket Australia:
Shane’s been a little bit disappointing with his runs and it’s a tight call. He’s been an experienced player for us and Mitch Marsh has done everything we could ask for behind the scenes and obviously in the first two tour games – he’s in good form.
It was a tight call in the first Test – we went with experience – and this time we’ve decided to go with Mitch Marsh. Tough call on Shane but I’m sure he’s got plenty of cricket left in him.
It’s a case for him getting back, we’ve got a county game next week which he’ll play in and get some form back and keep putting his name in front of the selectors. Form is going to dictate what Shane does.
Updated
13th over: Australia 62-0 (Rogers 28, Warner 29)
Shot! Warner smacks the ball through cover for four, barely moving his feet or needing to, a moment of casual and clinical violence, with the ball the sorry victim. And then the last is straight-batted between cover and point, no violence this time, just pure timing. “I take it by your comments that you’re not a fan of Warnie in the commentary box?” writes Jonas. “Why’s that? Personally, although I wouldn’t want him there all the time, I think he adds a brilliant dimension of colour.” I don’t mind Warne’s presence, but I prefer his absence. I know it’s his job, but I feel he is excessively opinionated. And I enjoyed Ponting’s slightly more reasoned contribution.
12th over: Australia 50-0 (Rogers 27, Warner 18)
And Anderson’s back, having swapped ends, and he bowls so far down leg side that Buttler can get nowhere near it, the ball zipping to the boundary for four byes. The next ball goes to the square leg boundary, and Australia have 50 runs.
11th over: Australia 42-0 (Rogers 23, Warner 18)
Wood’s first delivery is wide, and thrashed past point for four. The second squares him up and flies just past the edge, with the batsman squirming. The third smacks him in the pads, but was heading just down leg side. The fourth is driven to the extra cover boundary. Really, it’s all action. In further coin-toss news, Mike Atherton reveals that Michael Clarke has called tails before every match of his Test-captaincy career, but today went with heads.
Updated
10th over: Australia 34-0 (Rogers 23, Warner 10)
Ooooh! I mean, really very loud oooooh! Broad’s first delivery seams back towards Rogers, whose attempted drive connects with nothing but air, and the ball passes just past off stump. Unbelievably close to off stump. Lord’s lets out a hefty “ooh!” after each replay, of which there are several. The relieved batsman sees out the rest of the over with nothing in his mind except enormous relief, and it’s a maiden.
Updated
9th over: Australia 34-0 (Rogers 23, Warner 10)
Mark Wood replaces Anderson, and Shane Warne – gloriously absent from the commentary box in the first Test because he was playing in a poker tournament in Las Vegas, like you do – picks up the Sky microphone. Warner pulls through midwicket for four. And finally, on the Toss stats, Australia have won only 50.44% over all of Ashes history, which I suppose is OK. Personally, I favour having a toss before the first match of a series, and alternating the choice of whether to bat or field first thereafter.
8th over: Australia 30-0 (Rogers 23, Warner 6)
England give up on the leg slip, and Root at third slip comes a couple of yards shorter than the rest of the cordon. None of them are involved much here, with Rogers adding a couple with a drive through cover. Incidentally, on those toss-impact stats, Australia have now won the Toss at the start of 54.9% of the last 114 Ashes Tests, which makes them, by my calculations, quite lucky.
7th over: Australia 28-0 (Rogers 21, Warner 6)
A maiden over from Anderson. Someone’s-sending-me-audio-clips-so-I-might-as-well-use-em dept: this is the sound of some people clapping in a room. A long room, as it happens, which probably makes some difference, acoustically.
6th over: Australia 28-0 (Rogers 21, Warner 6)
Another single for Warner, before Rogers, who has looked in very fine nick since that third-ball edge, pushes Broad’s final delivery wide of mid on for four.
Updated
5th over: Australia 23-0 (Rogers 17, Warner 5)
Anderson bowls shortish at Rogers, who guides it through the gap between slips and gully for four. “Can someone with more knowledge or better statsguru-fu than I say how much the toss influences a test,” asks Duncan Smith. “I remember thinking some years ago that it was disproportionately important, but just failed to find out. Discounting moments of Ponting madness of course.” Since 1977 England have won 36.5% of Ashes Tests when they’ve won the toss, 26% having lost the toss, and 30.1% overall. Does that help?
4th over: Australia 19-0 (Rogers 13, Warner 5)
Ooof! Broad gets one to come back into Warner off the seam, and he edges it into his pads. And then he runs a single. The scamp. Rogers gets one too.
This is the 1st time that both teams have had the same captain in 12 consecutive Ashes Tests. M Taylor & M Atherton 11 v each other 1994-97.
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) July 16, 2015
3rd over: Australia 17-0 (Rogers 12, Warner 4)
Not a lot of early movement as yet, and the cloud cover appears to be heading elsewhere. Rogers gets a single, and Warner drives past mid off for three. “Forgive me Simon, but I think you’ll find RT Ponting is actually “Ricky”, not “Richard”,” points out Andrew Benzeval. “Sorry, it’s been a long morning already.” Yeah, but I bet he was Richard when he was naughty.
2nd over: Australia 13-0 (Rogers 11, Warner 1)
Stuart Broad oversteps by six inches and his first delivery is called a no ball. A single later, Rogers runs three while Moeen Ali scampers after the ball at midwicket.
“Having cleaned-up with his bagless vacuum cleaners, Dyson was left with a problem – what to do with all the leftover bags,” writes Jake Brown, of that hover-bag photo. “Spotting a gap in the market they put a small Airblade hand drier motor in the bottom of the bags, attached a handle and presto! the hover bag was born. The picture is actually of Dyson’s Uncle Cedric, who offered to test the latest hover bag prototype for a day. He promised to blend in and be inconspicuous to avoid drawing attention to the new device before they are ready to launch it.” Well, that explains it.
1st over: Australia 8-0 (Rogers 8, Warner 0)
Ooof! Rogers goes for a drive off the third ball of the day, and edges it just out of the reach of Root (I think) at third slip and away for four! And then he goes for a drive off the fifth ball of the day, connects sweetly and gets another four through cover.
Walking through long room in @HomeOfCricket at the start of an Ashes Test match is a truly incredible moment. One of best career highlights
— Geraint Jones (@Gojones623) July 16, 2015
Updated
Anderson has the ball. Three slips, a gully and a leg slip in place. Let’s play cricket! (or at least let’s watch other people playing cricket)
Updated
Out come the players, and the sunshine. There’s plenty of grey cloud over London, but at the moment the sun is poking through a gap.
Here’s Peter Nevill with his fresh baggy green. His father Jeff and fiancee Sam are both at Lord’s to witness his debut.
@Simon_Burnton So how come your England line-up had Root before Bell? Fans of I-Ron like me might begin to think this is Casus Belli!
— Ravi Nair (@palfreyman1414) July 16, 2015
Because I copy-and-pasted it from someone on Twitter, obviously. Anyway, Richard Thomas Ponting has just rung the Lord’s bell, and play is five minutes away.
Updated
A handy, cut-out-and-keep pictorial guide to the Australia team:
Australia elect to bat and make two changes for Test at @HomeOfCricket: http://t.co/CEtya2rcUb #Ashes pic.twitter.com/prXBnYcbNi
— cricket.com.au (@CricketAus) July 16, 2015
Confirmed teams, then:
England: Cook (c), Lyth, Ballance, Root, Bell, Stokes, Buttler (wk), Ali, Broad, Wood, Anderson.
Australia: Rogers, Warner, Smith, Clarke (c), Voges, Marsh, Nevill (wk), Johnson, Starc, Hazlewood, Lyon.
Updated
“Is your second 10:25 picture of Mike Gatting pulling some form of hover-bag?” wonders Bob Miller. I hadn’t spotted the hover-bag. That’s amazing.
@Simon_Burnton With England bowling first, I am relying on you to take some wickets. Quick commentator's curse on the Aussie openers please?
— Ravi Nair (@palfreyman1414) July 16, 2015
Well Rogers and Warner both got half-centuries in Cardiff so they carry some confidence into this match, and it’s only a matter of time – and probably not much of it – before they put on a big opening stand. If I were an England bowler, I’d be wobble-kneed with nerves at the moment.
There, will that do?
“Any ideas what my chances are for my cheapy day-five ticket getting to see some action?” wonders Chris Green. “I’ve tried googling for “average number of days test at Lords” but not really finding much out there!”
Well seven out of the last 10 Ashes Tests at Lord’s have seen some play on day five (but only two of the last five).
Alastair Cook says that he would also have chosen to bat first. “We’ve got to do all the good things again, take our catches, put the ball in the right area. It might swing in the first couple of hours. Hopefully we can do some damage.”
Australia win the toss and will bat first
“It’s obviously overcast. There might be a little bit in it first session but it looks a very good pitch,” says Michael Clarke.
Cardiff was “a kick up the backside for us”.
On Watson: “Selectors made the call and I back them 100%.”
Mitchell Starc “is fit, 100% and looking forward to bowling well here”.
Updated
Unconfirmed team news: England unchanged, Marsh and Nevill replace Watson and Haddin for Australia. The toss is a few minutes away.
Updated
Always love the Lord’s Test queueing shots. Let’s have a couple more.
Bacon-and-eggs latest:
“Win the toss and bat, surely,” is the conclusion of Ian Botham, having had a peek at the pitch.
The nice people at Investec have sent me a big bag of statistical goodness, and I thought I’d deliver the highlights (almost all of it, to be fair) to you with the use of the highly involved copy-and-paste facility. The first one is particularly telling. Enjoy!
- 15 of the last 17 teams to take a 1-0 lead in an Ashes series have gone on to win that series. In 1997 Australia lost at Edgbaston, but won the six-match series 3-2; England lost at Lord’s in 2005 but claimed the five-Test series 2-1.
- The last 36 Ashes Tests have produced six away wins (four by England, two by Australia). There have been 23 home wins and seven draws in this time.
- England are aiming to win three consecutive Ashes Tests at Lord’s for the first time – they won in 2009 and 2013 after failing to win any of their preceding 18 against Australia at headquarters.
- Joe Root (85.9) has the highest Test average at Lord’s, minimum 10 innings. He has reached 50 in six of his 10 knocks at the venue.
- Alastair Cook (4,619) needs 32 runs to pass Alec Stewart (4,650) as the third highest Test run-scorer in England.
- Cook will play his 20th Lord’s Test, the joint-second most with Stewart. Graham Gooch played 21 times at the venue.
- After hitting back-to-back centuries at Brisbane and Adelaide in 2013/14, Michael Clarke’s highest Test score in nine innings against England is the 38 he hit at Cardiff.
- Steven Smith has hit seven tons and one half-century in his last eight first innings of match knocks (first innings when Australia bat first).
- Since the start of 2013 Joe Root has a strike rate of 35.4 bowling against left-handers – it is 569 against right-handers.
- James Anderson (75) is the leading Test wicket-taker at Lord’s. Stuart Broad (61) has the fourth most, behind Ian Botham (69) and Fred Trueman (63).
- Joe Root has reached 50 in seven of his last nine home Test innings
Hello. Simon will be heading out of the pavilion shortly for the start of the second Test. While we wait, here’s Vic Marks on the spinners on both side who have thus far stolen the pacemen’s thunder:
Ashes series are generally won by the pacemen. Think Harold Larwood, Frank Tyson, Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson, John Snow, England’s Fab Four of 2005, Glenn McGrath and Jason Gillespie, Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris. In all probability the pacemen will be decisive this time as well. Each side will have at least three of them at their disposal.
However in Cardiff the pacemen did not always predominate. Of the 40 wickets to fall, 13 were taken by off-spinners, all of whom have, at some point in their careers, been derided as lightweights. Nathan Lyon may now be the most prolific ever Australian off-spinner but initially he was showered with faint praise. He eventually established himself as the least worst replacement for Shane Warne amid a host of rejected candidates.
The suspicion remains that Moeen Ali is really a batsman who bowls – despite his remarkable Test record. It may be a statistical quirk and it may not last, but Moeen currently takes his Test wickets more cheaply than Fred Titmus or John Emburey did. Hence it is a source of concern that Moeen is due an assessment on his side injury for the Lord’s Test, pushing Adil Rashid closer to a debut than ever before. Meanwhile it is an absolute certainty that Joe Root resides in the category of a bowling batsman.
Yet the unlikely trio of off-spinners in Cardiff picked up wickets at regular intervals. Admittedly the pitch offered a little help, while being frustratingly slow for the Aussie pacemen. But it was hardly a “bunsen burner”. So why were they so successful?
Why indeed? Find out here.
