Melbourne artist Jaq Grantford experienced a kind of "guilty pleasure" during the COVID-19 lockdowns of 2020-21.
In many ways, she said, it was a "dystopian" time.
"We were in a time when you couldn't travel interstate to see family friends," she said.
"In Melbourne, which is where I'm from, you couldn't travel further than five kilometres.
But at the same time, she noticed a sort of calm descend upon her life.
She found the lockdowns gave her peace and space to make art.
Her self-portrait, painted during lockdown and now the winner of the Darling Portrait Prize, is about that duality.
"If you had said to us six months prior to COVID starting, this is what's going to happen, we would have to sit down," she said.
"That'd be silly.
She said that experience gave her "mixed feelings".
"Because people around you are suffering and you feel bad, if there's an aspect of it that you actually are enjoying," she said.
The piece, titled 2020, shows Grantford with hands over the bottom half of her face, representing the masks that became omnipresent during the pandemic.
But above that, paint-brushes stick out from her hair, expressing her true self in spite of everything, and the creative pursuits she turned to even in the darkest of times.
The life-altering perspective brought by cancer diagnosis
Not long after the painting was completed, Grantford was diagnosed with cancer.
She said looking at the work now gave her an insight into a person she was before life changed completely.
In a superficial sense, her hair is very different in the portrait, long enough to be entwined with brushes.
Now, it is short as it grows back after her treatment.
"I look at that now and there's a funny sort of disconnect," she said.
"And some of them, believe it or not, [have been] very beautiful, which I think is similar to COVID as well — that good and that bad."
Self-portraits, essential workers prominent
The judges unanimously voted to award Grantford the prize for a work they said conveyed a compelling expression and extraordinary detail.
Gallery director Karen Quinlan said in addition to its mastery, the self-portrait was also a "stark reminder to us all about the impacts of the pandemic, the various states of mind that we all experienced during and post, and that reality we were all faced with".
Among the finalists were also portraits of those who were honoured during the pandemic for risking their lives on the front lines in essential roles.
One such work is a portrait of Sabine Desrondaux, a postal worker, who artist and prize finalist Tony Sowersby said he wanted to pay tribute to.
"I live in Melbourne and have spent the last two years isolating during the pandemic," Sowersby said.
Another is a painting of a paramedic, James Graham, who took up the profession after he himself required medical care from an ambulance crew.
"I'm grateful for people like James, dedicated to helping us when it's most needed," artist Betina Fauvel Ogden said.
Ms Quinlan said there were also a high number of self-portraits in the exhibition, which she attributed to the fact that people were forced to be alone so much more in the last two years.
"I think what I love about this particular winning work is its honesty, and it speaks to a big audience, because we've all experienced the same thing but just in different ways."
