Bard Billot on God
The Book of Elon
In the beginning Elon created Tesla and the Martian immigration scheme.
But Twitter lay beyond his powers; and darkness was upon the face of the social media algorithm.
So the Spirit of Elon moved upon his vast cash reserves.
And Elon said, let there be a takeover bid: and conjured up a hoard of gold and emeralds from the mighty caverns.
Elon shone a great light from his posterior on the Twitterati: and he divided his new employees from their jobs.
Then he cast the wokesters out of the Heavenly Kingdom of Twitter, and they fell into the Burning Lake of Obscurity far below;
And they were silent and bereft for they had deleted their apps in frightful rage and were unable to cancel him.
Then Elon opened the Great Golden Door and welcomed in all the blocked demons and warty beasts and deplatformed fiends from the Outer Darkness where they had languished;
And they were offered a blue tick in exchange for gold and emeralds.
Thus The Chosen were stamped with The Mark of Elon.
Lo, the corporate advertisers wailed and gnashed as whatever way they scurried they would be pelted with stinging clumps of brimstone, thrown either by weepy liberals or batshit crazy reactionary neo-fascists.
I am a Jealous and Vengeful God, proclaimed Elon in a tweet of thunder from the virtual cloud, and no other God can compare;
And the small forgotten god Zuck quacked in frustration in the lonely desert of his Metaverse, but there was no one there to hear him.
Then all through the burning of the lands and buzzing hornets and UN Agenda 2030 plagues of the Last Days, Elon ruled over Man and Creature alike, and although he may have been lacking in traditional moral and spiritual values,
He was worth 40 billion dollars: and in the Last Days,
for the lost and babbling People of the Screen,
that was all that counted.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to compose Odes for such luminaries as the Prime Minister, Christopher Luxon, Wayne Brown, Bishop Brian, and Garrick Tremain.
