Zoë Bisbing, a New York-based psychotherapist and body image educator known online as @mybodypositivehome, has reignited conversation around how families talk about weight — and what genuine care can look like when health and shame get tangled together.
Earlier this month, New York Times Magazine published a letter in its Ethicist column from parents who said their 26-year-old daughter, a former dancer, had “steadily gained weight” since quitting the art form. They were worried she might develop a “serious weight problem” and asked for advice on how to raise the subject without body-shaming her.
In his response, the columnist told the parents that if their concern was “genuinely about her health rather than her appearance”, there was “nothing inherently wrong with speaking up”. The line sparked discussion about how the word “health” is often used as a softer way to talk about size.
On October 20, Bisbing — who specialises in eating disorder and body image therapy — posted a carousel on her Instagram, featuring slides written from the imagined perspective of the anonymous daughter.
“I am not this 26 year old,” she wrote in the caption.
“But I was a young dancer whose body changed quite a lot after I hung up my pointe shoes. I wanted to give her a voice.”
The slides walked through the daughter’s imagined feelings in detail: “I’m 26, a former dancer, and my body has changed a lot recently,” read the first line.
“I’m gaining weight, which has been challenging for me, but the hardest part has been around my parents. Every time I visit them I can tell they are uncomfortable.”
Another slide continued, “It’s not that they say anything so horrible, but it’s the vibe.” She described how her parents’ quiet disapproval left her “deeply uncomfortable” and made her “want to be around them less”.
Bisbing’s imagined narrator went on to challenge the columnist’s advice directly: “I really wish he hadn’t told them, if their concern is genuinely about my health rather than my appearance, there is nothing inherently wrong with speaking up… even their concern for my health will land just as loaded with weight stigma and body judgment.”
She added, “I really wish he had explained that I am 26 and my health is my business. That health assumptions based on my body size are assumptions.”
The post ended with a compassionate but firm message for parents: “Your feelings matter… You deserve safe spaces to process this stuff. But please know that your adult children do not benefit from hearing your concerns about their health, if what you mean by ‘health’ is their weight or eating behaviour.”
Some users were confused as to why Bisbing took on the 26-year-old’s identity.
“I appreciate this sentiment and agree wholeheartedly. However, I really thought you were the daughter the parents wrote in about. You shouldn’t have assumed someone’s identity without their consent,” said one user.
Shortly after posting, Bisbing addressed her creative choice in an Instagram Story, acknowledging, “I am not the actual 26-year-old. I am imagining her POV. If that sits poorly with you, I understand. It was a risk I took. I don’t mean to assume her identity… I want to give her a voice and inspire parents of adult children to handle these situations differently”.
Instagram users are commenting support in droves. “My first thought was how painful it would be for the person on the receiving end of the “concern” but made even more painful if they knew their parents wrote in on the topic. Reading this now just makes me want to give them the biggest hug,” wrote one user.
“This, so much of this. The fein of concern without knowing much about your life or how you are deeply hits home. Thank you for sharing, this has helped me with some much needed language,” said another.
For Bisbing, the takeaway is simple: “As long as health and weight are so tangled up in each other, both carry risk of shame.”
Lead image: Instagram / @mybodypositivehome
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