There’s a constant knot of anxiety in your stomach. You check your phone compulsively, rereading his last text and wondering when the next one will come. You rearrange your schedule on the off chance he might be free. You feel like you’re working so hard, but the relationship isn’t moving forward. It’s exhausting.
This feeling of constant effort is a huge red flag. A healthy relationship should feel like a partnership, not a pursuit. When you are truly chosen, you feel a sense of ease and security. If you feel more like a candidate auditioning for a role, it’s time for a reality check. Here are seven signs you’re chasing him instead of being chosen.
1. You Initiate Almost All Communication
Take an honest look at your text messages. Are you the one always sending the first text? Do you ask all the questions to keep the conversation going? If you stopped reaching out, would you ever hear from him again? If the answer is yes, you’re doing all the work.
A man who is genuinely interested will make an effort to connect with you. He’ll want to know how your day was. He won’t let days go by without contact. If the communication is one-sided, so is the relationship.
2. You’re the One Making All the Plans
Think about the last few times you saw each other. Who organized the date? Who figured out the logistics? If you’re the one constantly suggesting activities, making reservations, and following up, you’re not just a partner—you’re an event planner.
When a man wants to be with you, he will actively make plans to see you. He will take the initiative to secure your time because he values it. If you’re the only one planning, it’s one of the clearest signs you’re chasing him.
3. He Remains Vague About His Feelings and His Future
You try to have a conversation about where things are going, but he gives you vague, non-committal answers. He says he “likes you a lot” but isn’t ready for a label. He talks about the future, but you’re never clearly in it.
This ambiguity is intentional. It keeps you hoping for more while allowing him to avoid any real commitment. A man who sees a future with you will not be afraid to talk about it. He won’t leave you guessing about his intentions.
4. You Feel Anxious Waiting for His Response
The feeling after you send him a text shouldn’t be anxiety. You shouldn’t spend hours staring at your phone, waiting for the three little dots to appear. In a secure relationship, you know a response will come. You don’t live in a state of constant uncertainty.
This anxiety is your nervous system telling you that something is wrong. It recognizes the inconsistency and the lack of security. That feeling is a direct result of being in a chase dynamic.
5. You Over-Analyze His Every Move
You spend hours dissecting his texts with your friends. You analyze the tone of his voice and the length of his hug. You’re constantly looking for clues and signs of his affection because he isn’t giving them to you freely and clearly.
When someone chooses you, their actions are clear. You don’t have to be a detective to figure out if they like you. If you’re constantly searching for evidence, it’s because the evidence isn’t there.
6. You’re Always Available, No Matter What
He texts you at 10 p.m. on a Friday asking what you’re up to, and you drop everything. He cancels plans at the last minute, and you say it’s no problem. You have made your schedule completely flexible to accommodate his whims.
By doing this, you’re subconsciously telling him that your time is not valuable. A partner who respects you will respect your time. He will make plans in advance and won’t expect you to be available at his beck and call.
7. The Relationship Feels One-Sided
Ultimately, all these points lead to one conclusion: the relationship feels unbalanced. You are giving more energy, time, and emotional investment than you are receiving. You are constantly trying to prove your worth, hoping he will finally see it.
A real partnership is about reciprocity. It’s about mutual effort, respect, and admiration. It shouldn’t feel like you are running a race while he stands at the finish line, waiting to see if you’ll make it.
Know Your Worth and Stop Running
Realizing you’re in a chase can be tough, but it’s also incredibly empowering. It’s the first step toward reclaiming your energy and self-respect. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you enthusiastically, every single day. Stop chasing someone who is comfortable with letting you run.
Have you ever been in this situation? How did you realize it was time to stop chasing? Share your story in the comments.
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