Some folks would say you don’t really know someone until you live with them, but sometimes you don’t really know someone until you bury them. Death has a strange way of pulling skeletons out of closets - just when you’re trying to come to terms with losing a loved one, life throws in a little surprise.
The internet recently lit up when a Redditor asked folks who lost someone close if they discovered any secrets after their death. And the answers are equal parts shocking, heartwarming, and straight out of a crime doc.
More info: Reddit
#1
My grandpa was a massive racist for a long time, until very late in his life when he calmed down a bit. After his death we found out that he had been financially supporting underprivileged African-American kids secretly for at least a few years.
Image credits: NoLongerAPotato
#2
My great aunt was... my great uncle.
I'm cool with it though. Kudos to her for doing that in a time where it was really, really hard.
Image credits: dripdroponmytiptop
#3
My great Uncle Ray and Great Aunt Ann lived in a little house on the outer edge of town. Never had children or pets. Their house was always in some disarray; roof needed repaired or siding falling off. When uncle Ray's truck broke down, he didn't get it fixed, he just rode a bicycle around town. He always wore Levi's blue jeans and a white cotton tshirt. He would mow lawns for some extra money, and he was a car salesman back in the day.
Ray and Ann passed away 3 hours apart, in different facilities. Ann first; then Ray.
Since Ray was the last one living, they contacted his next of kin which was my mom. She got a call from a lawyer and was scared to call him back because she thought they were going to make her pay for the funerals. Lawyer says no, no, you just need to come in and talk to me.
Stacks and stacks of CDs and bonds, laundry basket filled with cash (covered in clothes), cash rolled up under kitchen sink, some here, some there.. Multiple bank accounts.. Ended up being close to $2mil.
The only bill my mom had to pay in Ray's name after he passed was his electric bill.. $37.
Image credits: Snowwhite88
When a loved one passes, they don’t just leave behind their belongings; they also leave behind their story, and sometimes, that story comes with bonus chapters you didn’t know about. A hidden sibling, a stash of love letters, mob connections, or a secret past life as a salsa champion. Okay, maybe not that last one, but hey, you never know, right?
The truth is, grief is already complicated enough. You’re processing the loss, managing the logistics, and trying to hold it together when, surprise, a long-lost relative appears at the funeral, or someone casually drops a “oh, you didn’t know grandpa changed his birthday to avoid parties?”
#4
My great grandfather lived with me since I was born, I pretty much knew everything about him but after he died I learned a few interesting stories. One was how back in the 50s, he used to be a raging alcoholic, and went out partying all the time, then one day he woke up and found my great grandma beaten almost to a pulp, he asked who did it, it turned out he did in a drunken fit. After that he quit drinking cold turkey, the only time he ever drank afterwards was my uncle's wedding in 1986 and his 75th birthday in 2005.
Image credits: russeljimmy
#5
I grew up thinking my family was well off. I always had brand name clothes and nice holiday presents and my mom drove me to lots of out of town school events without being concerned about gas.
When she died, I learned she had left behind a great deal of credit card debt. We actually weren't doing that great financially, but she wanted so badly for me to fit in, so she gave me everything other kids had, even if she couldn't afford it. I found one of her last journals that said how badly she wanted for me to be accepted. I still wasn't, but I appreciate her effort. I wish I could thank her for trying.
Image credits: anon
#6
The day my mother died suddenly, I found out that both she and my dad had been married before. On top of this, the "cousin" that used to come visit us when I was a child was actually my half-sister! She had stopped coming around, but I always liked her and wished she would come back. Sad part is, even my father had lost track of his own daughter (long story involving the secret they were keeping from me, a marriage and subsequent move and then divorce of my half-sister) and he hadn't able to locate her for years. Happy ending - 18 years after my mom's death, my sister contacts me out of the blue, we meet up for a tearful reunion, and shortly afterwards, father and daughter are reunited at last! We all love each other dearly and love to get together (we each live in different states.).
Image credits: salty_bananas
The pros say grief can show up in unexpected ways, such as fatigue, physical pain, changes in appetite, or feeling like you’re driving on the highway with no breaks. You might laugh at something one minute and cry at it the next, and it’s completely normal. Coping doesn’t mean “getting over it,” but finding ways to carry the loss without it crushing you.
So, give yourself permission to feel, because there’s no “right” way to grieve. From my experience, sadness, anger, and even relief can all be part of it. Try talking to someone you trust about your feelings, and keep a piece of the one you lost by cooking their favorite meal. But never forget to look after yourself. Because grief doesn’t come with an expiration date, take it at your own pace.
#7
My grandmother died rather quickly. She got sick with pneumonia between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and she passed away just before Valentines Day. It was very tough on my grandfather especially as they'd been married for over 40 years and both of them had lead exciting lives together. It was several years before my grandfather packed her clothes and belongings away, and naturally he asked for his kids (my mom and uncles) to help since it was tough. When they checked her coat for anything that may need to be packed separately, they found dozens of horse racing betting slips. In fact, it was hundreds of dollars worth of bets, all them relatively recent to her death. Her purse also contained as many, if not more betting slips. What was even more interesting was that she was REALLY good at it. As in, she was going to the track and coming back hundreds of dollars richer.
My grandfather said he knew she liked to go to the horse races, and knew she occasionally gambled, but had no idea that she was as good at it as she was. We all laughed about it because frankly, it was just one facet of a very amazing and accomplished woman.
Image credits: NoahtheRed
#8
My great, great-grandmother met my great, great-grandfather on Ellis Island when immigrating to the U.S.. She was 16 and he was 17, or so everyone believed. When she died just after her alleged 97th birthday, my family discovered from immigration logs she was actually 100, and had lied about her age because it wouldn't have been acceptable in society to a) be single at 19 and b) marry a younger man.
Image credits: chirpyderp
#9
When my grandpa died I found out that he had 11 kids from a previous marriage. None of his grandkids knew, but I guess everyone else kept it hush hush until the funeral. Glad I have a place to crash in in France now.
Image credits: HoosierDoc
Grief will teach you a lot, that’s true, but so will juicy secrets like discovering your childhood friend kept every single poem you ever mailed her tucked away in a shoebox or learning your auntie used to own brothels before marrying your uncle.
These discoveries can bring up a mix of emotions, from curiosity to sadness, even laughter. Sometimes, they make you feel closer to the person, but other times, they leave you with a hundred new questions and no one left to answer them.
#10
My father died when I was 12. The night before he died I was staying the night with my cousins. I wanted to go home really bad because they were older than me and were all watching scary movies and I didn't want to, but didn't want to go to bed super early either. I called home and begged to come home but he wouldn't let me. I yelled "I HATE YOU!" and hung up the phone. Yeah so those were my last words to dad. I spent almost 15 years thinking he had died angry with me. One day a few years ago I was talking to my mother and mentioned how heavy that weighed on me. She shocked me by busting out laughing her a*s off. She said after he hung up the phone he c*****d up because he definitely didn't want me home. They were about to have s*x. So yeah he didn't die angry with me, he was just boning my mom.
Image credits: imminent_riot
#11
After my dad passed I found out he had run a flamethrower for three months digging the Japanese out of the caves in the Philippines.
My dad didn't talk about the war much. He never mentioned this part. Found out from mom he had terrible nightmares all his life about it.
Image credits: fretman124
#12
My grandfather. He saved pennies. All the pennies.
We found over $2000 in his basement crawlspace. In pennies.
Fortunately, he also was very meticulous about rolling them, though in his old age, he didn't roll them as often. There was maybe $300 or $400 of unrolled pennies, but the rest were thankfully rolled.
Image credits: Starcruiser_Stasarik
So, why do people keep secrets? Well, here’s the thing: most of us have a few untold stories tucked away, don’t try to deny it. Psychologists say people often keep secrets for three main reasons - protection, privacy, and control over how they’re perceived or remembered.
Maybe they didn’t want to hurt anyone, or maybe they thought it wasn’t anyone’s business. Or maybe they just enjoyed a little mystery. After all, “enigmatic” sounds better on the family grapevine than “forgot to mention I once borrowed money from the mob.”
#13
Found out my grandfather was gay 2 years after he died. His wife (my grandmother) was in total denial that he had been cheating on her with other men for all 50 years they were married. She finally admitted that it was AIDS he died of, not a random illness.
Image credits: WayWayTooManySecrets
#14
When my grandpa died he had changed his will to include myself and my siblings, putting the money in a college fund to be split equally. My grandpa never helped my mom go to college because he didn't think it was a woman's place to get higher education. My mom still remained in contact with him even though it upset her and before he died he said how much he was proud of her for everything she had done. His college fund he left for my siblings and I included an equal portion for my sister.
#15
My grandfather used mob "loan" money to start his business. Found this out when a retired mobster showed up at his funeral reception.
Edit: I know he at least laundered and/or hid money; besides that, I don't know. His brother also had a very successful real estate business. Their parents (my great grandparents) had a small farm; they did not come from any money.
It was the Italian mob in the Bay Area.
Image credits: muckinaball
Losing a loved one is never easy, and secrets can make it feel like you’re getting to know them all over again. But let’s not get too dramatic here - not all posthumous revelations are heavy. Sometimes they can lighten grief instead of deepening it. And learning your parent was occupied with play time with your other parent the night before they passed away can do just that.
Yes, even those “scandalous” little stories can add some color to a loved one’s memory because they remind us that the people we love weren’t perfect, they were human. They had messy, fascinating lives that show one thing: even from the other side, they still know how to keep life interesting.
#16
My best friend since kindergarten Cheryl was k****d by a drunk driver along with her father. Since the 7th grade, I wrote her a poem every month and mailed it to her (They weren't Maya Angelou quality, but it's the thought that counts right?). I pretty much thought she would just throw them around after reading them a few times but I discovered she had a shoebox under her bed with all 37 poems from 7th grade when I started writing them to 9th grade when she was k****d.
Image credits: Stevenasaurus
#17
A couple years ago, my great uncle passed away. When he died, in addition to a mansion in Chicago, he left $15 million for his children to split up. ($3 million each) As it turns out, he used to be only two steps below kingpin of a large Chicago mob. He took some money and left for good after getting shot and realizing that he didn't want his children to grow up without a father. Also, his wife had owned 2 whorehouses before selling them and marrying him.
Image credits: pigsfly1133
#18
My father, in the late 50's, helped rob a bank in New York. He drove the get away car.
He did the full 5 years he was sentenced to because every time he got asked about the guys he worked with he said nothing.
Image credits: anon
#19
My grandfather was a great guy, who was also kind of crotchety.
He died on December 30th. For as long as I knew him, his birthday was December 31st. We all wished he lived one day longer to see his next birthday, or at least die on his birthday like Shakespeare (because that's poetic).
When we were cleaning out his stuff we found his birth certificate. Low and behold he was born on December 30th. He hated parties so much that he always lied about when his birthday was, so that he only had to celebrate one. My mom even thought his birthday was December 31st. He lied to his own children.
But at least he died on his birthday like Shakespeare.
edit: fixed a word.. because December 30th doesn't k**l.
Image credits: hubbahubba2112
#20
After my husband's grandmother passed away in Jan, they found a photo from the 1940s of a handsome man in uniform amongst her things: the back read something along the lines of "With my deepest love and devotion, Terry". But it wasnt her husband (who she was married to during the war) and no one had ever heard her mention him before. He must've meant something to her, to hold on to that photo for 70 plus years.
Image credits: emjaybe
#21
Two stories:
When my nan (great grandma on my mom's side) passed, I inherited a lot of Japanese items from her. I wondered how she got them, as far as I knew she stayed in Canada her whole life on the farm and hairdressing after her husband passed (my great-grandfather passed away when my grandma was 16).
She apparently met a young Japanese woman that was going to the same hairdressing school as her back in the 1950s. Her family owned land in Japan, including private hospitals in Tokyo and was rather wealthy. When she returned home, they still kept in touch and paid for my nan to visit. She still had Yen from the 50s, and my Japanese friends thought it was so cool as they never saw notes that old. I also have a really beautiful doll that I inherited.
I wish I talked to her more about it when I was younger. But it was amazing to learn all this stuff, even after their passing.
My dad passed away suddenly in 2013. Afterwords, I learned from my mom that the two of them practically moved in together a week after meeting. Married for almost 25 years, and the happiest couple I knew. I miss him everyday.
#22
A couple of years after my grandfather died, I found out that he worked for NASA/ICBM program during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Apparently he was taken away during the crisis in an unmarked car right when it first started. He wasn't allowed to talk about where he went and who he was with.
Also, when he was being looked at for this job, the FBI or CIA like stalked him for over half a year to make sure he wasn't a bad seed. But one day, his neighbors across the street called the cops on said FBI or CIA agents because they have been parked outside her house for like a month. My father said that the altercations between the cops and agents was pretty funny and awkward.
#23
A family friend, almost an uncle and next door neighbor. We saw this family everyday, their kids and us were inseparable. He worked as a salesman and traveled quite frequently. He died unexpectedly one day of a heart attack. At his funeral, his other family shows up. He had another wife and kids in another part of the country the whole time. Nobody knew.
Image credits: misscarlota
#24
I wasn't particularly close with my grandfather, I was young when he died, but as he was well... dying, he had to have a breathing tube put in. After he died, the doctors presented my grandmother with his false teeth.
Apparently, when he was 21, as a birthday present, his father had taken him to the dentist to have all his teeth pulled and have false ones put in. No one knew, including his wife and all his kids. Apparently this was common practice.
Image credits: joannagoanna
#25
My Grandfather died when I was a toddler, he had been married 3 times and had 3 sets of 3 children. Approx 25 years after his death another child comes forward, she was put up for adoption. My mother nor the other 8 of her (half)siblings knew anything about her before she found them.
Also my Grandmother (the aforementioned grandfathers wife) had a secret child herself as a teen. Apparently it was a secret teen pregnancy and she was sent away to have the baby and for it to be put up for adoption. They were in contact though, there are pictures of them together, right up until my G'ma died. Apparently my G'ma thought the family would never understand.
Also to add to the confusion my Grandfather and Grandmother were actually never married - he did marry the other 2 women he had 3 children with. G'ma just took his name and lived like a wife/divorcee.
Image credits: pinkpigeonpoop
#26
In India, January 2013, both of my grandparents died just hours apart. At the time, my mother and I were told that my grandfather died of a brain hemorrhage and my grandmother died in her sleep. My aunt and uncle flew from England (where they reside) to India when they heard my grandfather was in a coma from the hemorrhage.
This year, my mother began talking to a man in India who was one of my grandfather's best friends. This man was with my aunt and uncle during the time of their death.
According to this man, my aunt and uncle woke up and found my grandmother dead in her bed and just left her there. They didn't do anything about her dead body for hours - they just left it in her bed. While my grandmother's corpse was still in her bed, my aunt and uncle went to the hospital to see my grandfather. The doctor said my grandfather would come out of the coma soon and would be fine. But my aunt and uncle decided to pull the plug on him anyways.
They went back to the house, and one of the housemaids showed my aunt that my grandmother's dead body was foaming at the mouth. My aunt took her scarf, wiped away the foam and kept the scarf there to prevent anyone from seeing the foaming.
So basically my aunt and uncle k****d my grandparents.
Image credits: spud_simon_salem
#27
So this will likely get buried, but I'm bored in class so what the hell.
My best friend passed away last year. After she died, I found out she was a lesbian, and she had been in a relatively serious relationship with a girl from her home town. Most people in her home town knew, but I - one of her closest friends at college - had no idea she was gay or in a long term relationship.
I don't really care about people's sexual orientations. But I was really hurt that she hadn't told me about her girlfriend or her sexual orientation. I shared everything with her - literally EVERYTHING. I wish she could have felt comfortable enough to tell me about someone who, clearly, was so important in her life. It was especially rough since everyone from her home town - even those she hadn't been as close with - knew about all of it. I ended up feeling a lot of doubt and question about how close we actually were.
Anyway, that's my experience. I know it's probably not as entertaining as other answers, but there ya have it.
Image credits: anon
#28
I learned my great uncle had never been married, died virgin, and was gay.
Image credits: wrestlechick
#29
My grandfather passed a few years ago. My mother and I have been working on our ancestry and we found out that my grandfather ran booze in Far Rockaway Beach with every big name booze runner in New York during prohibition. We always knew my grandfather had a past drinking problem and couldn't ever touch the stuff again but he never spoke about how or why he developed the problem.
#30
I found out my beloved great grandfather was, um... "friendly" with his daughters... It changed the way I looked at my entire family.
Image credits: tinkerpunk
#31
I found out my father was gay. It explained a lot about his depression and a*******n issues.
Image credits: alikidisciple
#32
We found letters from my opa to his girlfriend. Except they were dated around the time my oma, who he was still married to, was dying of lung cancer in the hospice. My opa was kinda a d**k at times.
Image credits: square--one
#33
That my mom had a brother. My uncle was the black sheep of the family, ran away after high school, in and out of prison his whole life, you get the idea.
Image credits: swimmerboy29
#34
I work at a TV station. I had a co-worker — a producer and reporter — who absolutely loved Oprah and everything Oprah-related. After she passed, I found out she was actually working part-time at Harpo on the weekends the whole time, but told almost nobody here because she didn't want anyone to think she didn't care as much for us.
Image credits: guspolly
#35
Not a shocking one but my aunt died when she was 18, she'd been smoking since she was 11/12 and my Grandma only found out when she went to collect her stuff from the hospital. We used to come up with the dumbest excuses to get away and smoke I don't know how she never realised.
