Of the many '90s comedies that I hold near and dear to my heart, few rank anywhere near Tommy Boy. Fortunately, the 1995 Chris Farley movie is still as funny and delightful to me today as it was decades ago. As fun as it is to revisit Chris Farley’s best quotes from his various projects, I absolutely love any opportunity I have to dive right into Tommy and Richard’s shenanigans. There’s just something about the combination of Chris Farley’s goofy humor and David’s Spade’s ultra-dry sarcasm that does the trick every time. And this movie makes the absolute most of that dynamic in every scene the duo share, as the two characters set off across the midwest to try to save Tommy's family's auto parts company. So let’s get into the funniest and most ridiculous scenes and quotes from Tommy Boy.
"I Got A D+! I'm gonna graduate!"
We’re introduced to Tommy (Chris Farley) through a series of mishaps that give us a pretty good indication that he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. That impression is sealed when we see him celebrate his D+ grade after taking a college final. He passed!
"And did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie talkie?"
While many might be polite enough to let Tommy’s awkwardness slide, Richard (David Spade) isn’t among them. In fact, he’s quick to call Tommy out when he starts rattling off phone numbers in his attempt to prove he called about his flight earlier. (Tommy was not actually calling from a walkie-talkie, as Richard inquires. It was a cordless.)
"A lot of people go to college for seven years." "I know, they're called doctors."
Tommy clearly feels no shame about having spent the better part of a decade in college. After all, plenty of people take just as long to get their degree. Of course, as Richard has to point out, those are typically doctors.
"Your brain has the shell on it."
While Tommy’s sure that the thin candy shell around the M&Ms will protect Richard’s dashboard from melted chocolate, he’s not nearly as confident about the comeback he delivers after Richard tells him his brain has a thick candy shell.
When Tommy Faces Off With The Hooks
Tommy may be smart enough to put on his hard-hat (eventually, and only after he walks into something), he’s still going to get up to mischief if left to his own devices at the auto parts plant. That includes facing off using what seems like his own brand of martial arts when confronted by a series of assembly line hooks.
"Anything that you want to keep cool."
This line might seem random to you but it’s actually one that I find myself quoting more often than others, usually when someone lists a few too many examples (and only if I know they’ll get the reference). I don’t know why it’s so funny to me. Maybe it’s the way Tommy’s father, “Big Tom” (Brian Dennehy) says it so patiently in response to Tommy listing off all of the drinks and snacks he plans to store in his new office mini-fridge.
"Holy Schnikes"
Tommy apparently has his own way of reacting to something he just can't believe. "Holy Schnikes" is the first thing he says as he takes in the sight of the beautiful woman emerging from the pool. Of course, that's right before he learns that she's about to be his stepmother.
"Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!"
If Paul (Rob Lowe) thought he was going to be able to waltz into the Callahan house and not make any attempt to bond with his new "step-brother," he had it all wrong. Tommy makes that clear the moment Paul arrives and Tommy insists that they hug.
"I'm a maniac!"
While some might be upset to find themselves covered in mud and… well, whatever else is all over Tommy after he takes his new brother cow-tipping, Tommy sees the hosing-off process as an opportunity to go full Flashdance, and it’s glorious.
"LUKE! I am your Faaa-ther"
What would you do if someone just left a perfectly good fan on your desk and you had nothing better to do with your time? Well, if you’re Tommy Callahan, you’d do your best Darth Vader impersonation. Lo-la-la-lo-laaaa.
"I have what doctors call a bit of a weight problem"
Tommy’s more self-aware than you might think. And he’s not too awkward to point out what doctors might call a bit of a weight problem… which is literally how he describes his situation when Michelle (Julie Warner) offers him a donut, which he politely declines.
"Watch your language in front of the lady, punk!"
Tommy might stand for a group of “rascals” making fun of him and his rowboat, but he will not tolerate kids using foul language in front of Michelle. Fortunately, she also has a low tolerance for their behavior and manages to one-up his outburst, but I still just love the way he yells from the boat.
"I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you."
Michelle seems like a very sweet, charming woman, but when she sees the three kids being relentlessly cruel to Tommy while they're trying to enjoy a private boat ride, she lets loose on them with the kind of threat that these kids don't want to test.
"It's a clip on" "Hehe, are you sure?"
Ok, Richard is less than impressed with Tommy’s tie, which is — as he points out — a clip-on. But he did show up dressed up for the sales pitch, so that’s something, right?
Tommy Uses Model Cars For His Sales Pitch
We’re all Richard in this scene, watching with severe apprehension as Tommy does a demonstration with the potential break-pad purchaser’s prized model cars. You’d think Tommy would’ve stopped the demonstration after he brutally crashed the car, but no, he goes as far as to light it on fire.
"I'm picking up your sarcasm." "Well, I should hope so because I'm laying it on pretty thick."
As much as I absolutely love Chris Farley’s brand of goofy humor, I’m also a massive fan of David’s Spade’s dry delivery. The fact that this scene offers a bit of both — with Tommy seen in the background desperately trying to fix the car door — makes it a must-include for the list. Also, extra credit has to be given to Dave Huband as the gas station attendant, because his “22 mileszzzz away” gets me every time.
"What'd you do?!"
Richard’s car goes through a whole lot throughout the run of this road trip comedy. In this hilarious scene, when the car was still more or less in one piece, Tommy basically tore the door off of its hinges after backing the car up without closing it near the gas pump. But does he take the blame for it? Absolutely not. Instead, he gets the door back in place, forgets about pumping gas altogether and lets Richard take the blame the moment he touches it and the door falls off of the car.
"Poor little furry thing."
It’s not all happy moments throughout Tommy Boy. Yes, tears are shed more than once in this movie, and that includes when a distracted Richard doesn’t manage to stop the car in time to avoid a deer in the road. Poor little furry thing. (Fortunately, the deer just needed a rest, it was fine later.)
Richard: "Why not? I'd take you to the vet." Tommy: "Yeah, I'll take you to the..." Richard: "Got that?" Tommy: "Shut up"
Chris Farley being awkward is my favorite version of the SNL icon, and Tommy's version of awkward is to mumble or trail off when he doesn't have a good comeback. While Richard (being Richard) never hesitates to spit back a quick retort.
"No, it's gotta be your bull."
You can’t accuse Tommy of not trying, though it doesn’t always go so well. In this case, he’s attempting to use a phrase his father once delivered with ease in a sales pitch, except Tommy gets it all mixed up and well, it gets awkward.
"No way that just happened."
Remember the time Tommy and Richard hit the deer with the car? Well, being the good people that they are, they loaded the presumably deceased deer into the back of the car, only for it to turn out not to be dead. Upon waking, the deer panics and literally tears through the roof of Richard’s car, leaving Tommy and Richard in complete shock.
Tommy Tries To Make Richard Laugh By Wearing His Coat
Tommy’s not the kind of guy to let the mood sour, even if he and Richard are down on their luck. He’s the kind of guy who will do whatever it takes to lighten things up. That includes putting on Richard’s jacket (in a scene inspired but an actual bit between Farley and Spade), which is much too small for him, and singing the “fat guy in a little coat” song until his friend laughs (or until the coat rips down the seam, whichever comes first).
Tommy and Richard Singing To The Carpenters
There’s a moment in any true friendship where you have to decide if you’re ok singing tearfully along to a cheesy song together. For Richard and Tommy, that moment comes when “Superstar” by The Carpenters comes on. They act indifferent for a moment or two before giving in to the emotional song at full force.
"Nope. Ship shape."
During a fight outside, Richard may have taken things too far when he broke a piece of wood over the side of the side of Tommy’s face. Soon after, a bewildered Tommy is concerned about the pain in the general area of his face where the wood hit him, but Richard’s acting as though there isn't a giant bruise forming there. Ship shape!
"I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty!"
It happens when the stakes are low, and maybe that’s all it took for Tommy to find his salesman groove. After being told by the server at a diner that the ovens are off, Tommy goes into an elaborate tale about his struggles, using a piece of bread to play the role of his naughty little pet, which he inevitably destroys. And somehow, this works to win over the woman, who agrees to get an order put in for him.
"Tommy likey. Tommy want wingy!"
Of course, Tommy is happy when he succeeds in convincing the server to take his order, but he’s barely aware of what he did when Richard points it out to him. All he cares about is that he’s getting his wings.
"Do you know where the weight room is? Ill check it out."
If you’re wondering if Tommy has a line for the ladies, well, he does. We see him use it when he spots a pretty woman near the pool at a motel they’re staying at. Apparently, flexing his muscles and asking where the weight room is in a deep voice is how he goes about it.
"I gotta go."
The moment we see Michelle's pneumatic tube system set up at Callahan’s, it seems obvious that something funny is going to happen with it. Sure enough, it does when Paul gets caught using Michelle’s computer, and then casually stands near one of the tube openings, causing the suction to literally rip his shirt off of him and transport it to… wherever that tube goes. Paul decides it’s best not to acknowledge that he’s now shirtless and abruptly leaves.
"Please go away let me sleep for the love of god!"
Being on the road is exhausting, so it’s no surprise that Tommy loses his temper when Richard pretends to be a cleaning person and keeps knocking on the door.
"Bees!"
When Tommy and Richard are about to be pulled over, Tommy quickly uses one of his father’s techniques to evade arrest by immediately running away from the car while screaming about bees and ensuring the cops that their firearms are useless against them. Somehow it works.
Richard and Tommy's safety announcements
David Spade is already well remembered for the flight attendant sketch on SNL (including the hilarious “buh-bye” catchphrase). While he isn’t especially rude to the passengers in this role, he does put his talent at sarcasm to good use while posing as a flight attendant with Tommy and doing the safety announcements, while Tommy demonstrates how to inflate the life preserver.
"Listen up, this'll only take a second."
In what has to be one of the most random moments of hilarity in the entire movie, Tommy’s attempt to find Zalinsky goes awry quickly when he decides to shout to get everyone’s attention in a bank lobby. When people understandably panic and drop to the floor in response, he realizes his mistake.
"Great, you've pinpointed it. Step 2 is washing it off."
SNL legend Dan Aykroyd makes a grand cameo in Tommy Boy as Zalinsky, the successful businessman Tommy and Richard need to do a deal with in order to save Callahan Auto Parts. They manage to find him as he’s boarding an elevator, and Zalinsky is quick to point out that Tommy went a little heavy on the pine cone perfume. When Tommy explains that it’s from a car air freshener, Zalinsky offers some helpful advice on what to do next.
When Richard Gives Tommy A Hand
There are more than a few jokes referencing Tommy's weight throughout Tommy Boy, but this one came at his lowest point. Just as Tommy is listing off all of the things that have recently gone wrong, his side of the bench he and Richard are sitting on breaks. Farley's delivery with the "could've done without that" line is perfect, but what I actually love most about this scene is the way Richard refrains from making any kind of comment and instead quietly offers Tommy his hand to help him to his feet. It's a mark of how far their relationship has come.
"It looks real."
Tommy and Richard get to know each other pretty well throughout their adventures. But we learn that there’s one thing Tommy doesn’t know about Richard, and it creates a moment of major awkwardness for both of them. A puff of air sends Richard’s hairpiece momentarily airborne, which is amusing on its own, but it’s the way that Tommy tries to not react that makes it truly hilarious.
When Paul Becomes The Test Dummy
It was always sort of obvious that Paul was the worst, but that becomes clearer and clearer throughout the movie as he continues to try to thwart Tommy and Richard’s efforts to save the company. So it’s hard to feel bad for him when he attempts to flee after being found out, and ends up on the front end of a test vehicle. It only gets worse for him from there.
When Tommy Becomes President Of Callahan Auto
It was a tough road, but Tommy and Richard pulled it off. The payoff at the end of the movie is seeing Tommy celebrate having saved the jobs of everyone at the plant and proving he can lead the company as he's named president of Callahan Auto Parts. (But not before making a couple of awkward admissions during his speech.)
