Severe anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried; it’s a pervasive and often debilitating condition that profoundly impacts daily life. For those who don’t experience it, understanding its depth can be challenging. This can lead to well-meaning but unhelpful advice or actions that inadvertently increase distress. To foster better empathy and support, here are ten things’ people living with severe anxiety genuinely wish you understood about their experience.
1. It’s Not “Just Stress”
Many people with severe anxiety wish others knew it’s far more intense than everyday stress or nervousness. It’s a mental health condition characterized by persistent, excessive fear or worry that is difficult to control. This anxiety can be overwhelming, often disproportionate to the actual situation. Dismissing it as “just stress” invalidates their experience and a very real health concern. Understanding this distinction is the first step to offering genuine support.
2. Physical Symptoms Are Real
Severe anxiety often manifests with intense physical symptoms that can be frightening and exhausting. These can include a racing heart, shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, trembling, and muscle tension. People with severe anxiety want you to know these aren’t imaginary or “all in their head.” These physiological responses are a core part of the anxiety experience and can be as distressing as the mental turmoil.
3. Panic Attacks Are Terrifying
A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger. For someone experiencing it, it can feel like they are dying, losing control, or having a heart attack. People with severe anxiety wish you understood how incredibly terrifying and disorienting panic attacks are. Offering a calm, non-judgmental presence during such an episode is far more helpful than telling them to “calm down.”
4. Reassurance Helps (Sometimes)
While constant reassurance isn’t a long-term solution, sometimes a calm and rational perspective can be helpful during acute anxiety. However, people with severe anxiety wish you knew that the *way* reassurance is offered matters. Generic platitudes often fall flat, but genuine, specific reassurance that acknowledges their fear without amplifying it can be comforting. It’s a delicate balance, and sometimes just being present is enough.
5. “Just Relax” Isn’t Helpful
Telling someone with severe anxiety to “just relax” or “stop worrying” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off.” If it were that simple, they would have already done it. Severe anxiety isn’t a switch that can be easily turned off. This advice often makes them feel misunderstood and can even increase their anxiety about not being able to control their feelings.
6. It Can Be Utterly Exhausting
Constantly battling intrusive thoughts, managing physical symptoms, and trying to appear “normal” is incredibly draining. People with severe anxiety often feel a profound sense of fatigue, both mentally and physically. They wish you knew that this exhaustion isn’t laziness or a lack of effort. It’s the consequence of their mind and body being in a near-constant state of high alert.
7. Social Situations Are Hard
For many with severe anxiety, especially social anxiety disorder, social gatherings can be minefields of stress. The fear of judgment, saying the wrong thing, or being negatively evaluated can be overwhelming. They wish you understood that declining an invitation or leaving an event early isn’t personal. It’s often a necessary act of self-preservation to manage their severe anxiety.
8. Avoidance Isn’t Laziness
Avoidance is a common coping mechanism for people with severe anxiety. They might avoid situations, places, or people that trigger their anxiety. This isn’t due to laziness or a lack of desire to participate in life. It’s an attempt, often counterproductive in the long run, to prevent overwhelming fear and panic. Understanding this can help you respond with more compassion.
9. They Deeply Appreciate Understanding
Living with severe anxiety can feel incredibly isolating. Knowing that someone in their life is trying to understand, even if they don’t fully grasp the experience, can make a huge difference. People with severe anxiety wish you knew how much genuine empathy and non-judgmental support mean to them. It helps them feel less alone in their struggles.
10. Recovery Is a journey
Managing or recovering from severe anxiety is often a long and non-linear process, frequently involving therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes. There will be good days and bad days. People with severe anxiety wish you understood that progress isn’t always visible or straightforward. Your patience and continued support throughout their journey are invaluable.
Fostering Greater Empathy
Understanding these aspects of severe anxiety can transform how we interact with and support those who live with it. It’s about moving beyond simple advice to a place of deeper empathy, patience, and informed compassion. When we strive to understand what lies beneath the surface, we can become true allies for individuals navigating the challenges of severe anxiety. This understanding builds stronger, more supportive relationships for everyone.
If you live with anxiety, what’s one thing you wish others understood? Share in the comments.
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