BRING BACK SIR BERT
A perusal of the listings for the John F Kennedy Centre for the Performing Arts in Washington DC reveals that weekend visitors to the national culture centre of the US can sit through a playful bilingual production of the Philip Eastman children’s book ‘Go Dog! Go!’ or the presumably excruciating ad libbed stylings of the Improvised Shakespeare Company. Despite being the hottest ticket in town, Friday’s Geopolitics World Cup draw is notable by its absence from the venue’s schedule of events, presumably because the organisers have designated it strictly invitation only, lest any riff-raff darken the doorstep of what promises to be an excessively long, self-congratulatory procession at which assorted well-paid luminaries will parrot the tired platitude that “football unites the world”.
The glitzy event is due to be hosted by the German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum alongside the diminutive American standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart, with gridiron’s Eli Manning on red-carpet duty and acting’s Danny Ramirez in the role of roving reporter. They will preside over a ceremony that will certainly have English football fans of a certain age yearning for the halcyon, pomp-free days of Graham Taylor, Sir Bert Millichip, the FA tombola and their trusty velvet bag of wooden, numbered balls. Scheduled to last the thick end of three torturous hours, the event will feature a staggering playlist of what seems like no end of speechifying, saccharine video montages, pre-vetted gags, celebrity guests, musical turns from acts with either little shame or enormous tax bills, and then … finally, the actual World Cup draw.
Among those tasked with helping to conduct it? Shaquille O’Neal, Wayne Gretzky, Tom Brady and Aaron Judge, all plucking their balls under the watchful eye of our very own Rio Ferdinand. Given the vast, untapped reservoir of charisma possessed by these ageing sporting legends, short of an armed snatch-squad of uniformed ICE goons crashing the ceremony to forcibly remove assorted foreign delegates, it’s difficult to imagine what could possibly go wrong. Actually, very little, if the tone-deaf defence of Fifa’s well-documented World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by their obsequious English yes-man is any kind of gauge.
“I think we have to be conscious of that and I think Fifa are definitely people that are conscious of that, the powers that be there,” said Rio in a BBC interview, upon being asked if tickets should be made more affordable for people who aren’t Dubai-dwelling multimillionaires. “But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that conversation about things,” he added. So it’s probably OK to charge $6,730 or more for a ticket to a football match because that’s actually quite cheap when you compare it to the price of a private yacht with a hold stuffed full of Fabergé eggs.
With 42 nations already qualified for next summer’s jamboree and six more due to join them, there will be a genuine air of giddiness once Rio removes his tongue from Gianni Infantino’s colon, all the better to get the actual draw under way. But as fans worldwide wait with bated breath to see which three nations their particular country will have to play in the group stages, the air of suspense will be nothing compared to that which precedes Gianni’s announcement of the recipient of Fifa’s inaugural peace prize for “individuals who help unite people in peace through unwavering commitment and special actions”. Given that the draw is taking place in Washington and next summer’s Geopolitics World Cup is mostly taking place in the US, Football Daily couldn’t possibly hazard a guess as to who the lucky and entirely undeserving winner might be – even though the clues are there.
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Join Scott Murray for live Premier League updates from Manchester United 2-0 West Ham (8pm GMT kick-off).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“There’s no concern at the moment. I was speaking to Alan [Pace, Burnley chairman] today. My relationship with Alan’s rock solid really. I have a real open, honest and realistic relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no worries whatsoever” – Burnley manager Scott Parker, whose side are on a five-match losing streak, provides a classic quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced-if/when-he-gets-sacked-in-six-weeks.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Further to the letter from John Collins [Football Daily letters passim] about a potential club named Kevin for the Highland League. He may wish to note there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin (Santos Lopes de Macedo) at Fulham who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to buy a Highland League club, and bestow his name on it” – Desmond Wheway.
Going to Inverness Thistle games in the 80s/90s, my mum would always ask who they were playing. When the answer was ‘Keith’, she’d reply: ‘What, on his own?’ – Toby Blake.
I stopped reading the 3 December Daily after nine words. Oh dear, oh dear. ‘Comprised of’! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra ‘of’ plays as much a part as an extra official assessing VAR on corners: unnecessary, unacceptable and unwanted” – Ken Muir.
Concern is growing here the US ahead of Fifa’s Global Tombola on Friday: just what catchy ditty will the two-hit wonder Village People come up with when the inevitable happens and Supreme Leader Trump refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an encore? Given that he’ll be proudly waving his Fifa Man of Peace Award (and taking into account his present adventures in the Caribbean), they can hardly resort to their other song, In the Navy! Perhaps Trump’s ever-accommodating best buddy (and fellow Abominable Showman) will come to the rescue with a Fifa-inspired rewrite for the occasion called something like, maybe … In the Gravy?” – Justin Kavanagh
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Toby Blake, who wins a copy of Mary Earps: All In. It caused a bit of a stir, you may remember.
BONMATÍ ON TOP OF THE WORLD
Our panel of 127 experts has spoken: Aitana Bonmatí is the best female player on the planet. Again. The midfielder edged out Mariona Caldentey and Alessia Russo for her third Guardian title after another exceptional season with Barcelona and Spain. The gap is closing a touch but Bonmatí still picked up votes from all 127 judges (Russo was on 120 voting slips and five others also picked up more than 100 votes) and 54 voted her as the No 1 (with 27 giving that honour to Caldentey, and Russo and Alexis Putellas getting 10 top picks each). The fascinating full vote breakdown is here, you can search the archives here, and the full 2025 100 is right here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Catch up with the latest edition of Football Weekly here, as Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning, Jonathan Wilson and Jacob Steinberg review the latest Premier League action.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on what inspired him to draw some of his finest cartoons this year.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Virgil van Dijk has backed Florian Wirtz to come good for Liverpool. “He’s an outstanding, world-class player in my eyes who can only become even better but it will take a bit of time,” roared the Reds captain.
Meanwhile in Spain, Trent Alexander-Arnold is expected to be out for at least two months with thigh-gah, in a further blow to the former Liverpool star’s World Cup hopes.
Newcastle United’s new chief executive David Hopkinson says the team can be the best in the world by 2030. “That kind of progress doesn’t take as long as you might think,” he cheered.
Former Spurs player Mauricio Taricco has quit as assistant manager of Jeonbuk Hyundai Motors after a racism scandal.
Ruben Amorim has said Leny Yoro’s behaviour when replaced in Manchester United’s 2-1 win at Crystal Palace was unacceptable but believes the 20-year-old can grow from the experience. “He cannot give that [reaction] to the people, the way he came to the bench,” tutted Amorim. “He understands that, but he was really frustrated. It shows he cares.”
Enzo Maresca conceded that Chelsea were second best “in all aspects” in their defeat to Leeds. “They deserved to win the game,” he sobbed. “There’s nothing we can take from the game.”
MOVING THE GOALPOSTS
Unbeaten in Europe and with eight wins in eight games domestically, OL Lyonnes have their sights set on reconquering Europe. Anna Carreau reports.
RECOMMENDED SHOPPING
Need a Christmas gift for that special football-obsessed person in your life? Well the Big Website Bookshop has loads of great reads available. You can even just treat yourself. Get shopping here!
STILL WANT MORE?
Will Unwin, not normally the bearer of bad news, breaks down the worst-case scenarios for England, Scotland, USA and Australia in the Geopolitics World Cup draw.
Sid Lowe on a divine Kylian Mbappé, who has now scored 55 goals in 2025.
Watch out Forest Green Rovers! Luton are going green. Would that be el clas-eco?
We must look beyond the brute numbers to really appreciate Erling Haaland’s legend, says Jonathan Liew.
Wilfried Nancy’s move to Celtic means as much for MLS as it does for him, reckons Graham Ruthven.
MEMORY LANE
1 December 2001: The great and the good gather in Busan, South Korea, for the draw for the 2002 World Cup. Entertainment was provided by the US pop sensation Anastacia, who debuted the official World Cup song Boom, which, as is the way with pretty much all official World Cup songs, went largely ignored by the rest of the world, though it did reach No 3 in the Croatian charts. All together now: “Boom! Here to rock ya! Boom! Never stop, no! Boom! Raise up high … ”
