Hello Zig! Hello Zag!
Zig: Hi Mr Guardian!
Zag: This is going to be difficult for you, because we’re identical twins. You won’t be able to tell us apart. It’s quite weird. Have you seen our new animation show?
I have. Why are you animated, and not your real selves?
Zag: It’s coo-el. When you first go on TV, they ask which half you want onscreen, because they can only afford to show one half of you. But in animation they can show the whole of you. We’ve got legs now!
Did you get any say on the look of your legs?
Zag: They made my legs a little short. They said they ran out of ink, so I’m a little shorter than I am in real life.
Zig: You’re quite short in real life, too.
Zag: No, I’m not short in real life. I’m kind of Tom Cruise height in real life. But that’s the advantage of having a cartoon: they draw your legs and you get to see how cool of a dancer you are. You can also see our underpants in a lot of episodes.
I didn’t see those episodes.
Zig: Too controversial, that’s why. I don’t know how the British public are going to receive that one. It’s outrageous.
I spoke to some university students about The Big Breakfast recently, and none of them could remember it. Please introduce yourself to this lost generation.
Zag: The brilliant thing about the animation show is that it’s something called co-viewing. Parents of young kids probably watched The Big Breakfast, so they can watch it together.
Zig: Yeah, but I see what you’re saying about the students. What are we going to do about them?
Zag: I don’t care about the students. They’re weird.
Zig: They are weird. I’m in my underpants.
I didn’t need to know that.
Zig: Just saying.
Wikipedia says you were both born in 1971 …
Zag: Do you believe everything Wikipedia says?
Zig: You need to check your sources.
Zag: Our birthday is on the 29 February, so technically we’re only about 13.
Zig: Back on the planet Zog, that’s the way it was.
Zag: It’s kind of a space thing, kind of a black hole loop thing. You should talk to the science people at the BBC about it. Who’s that guy who does the stars?
Zig: Forsyth?
Zag: No, not Forsyth.
Brian Cox?
Zig: That’s what I said.
Who are your co-stars in the cartoons? Who are the creepy mute twins?
Zag: They’re called Brie and Stilton Jones. We cannot confirm or deny that any famous superstars do their breathing noises in the cartoon. If you suggested that Angelina and Brad did the breathing sounds, we wouldn’t be able to say.
Zig, didn’t David Bowie once throw a glass of water over you?
Zig: He did, yeah.
Zag: We were annoying him a bit.
Zig: We kept doing an impression of him while he was trying to do an interview.
What was the impression?
Zig and Zag (singing): Sausages, sausages, sausages, sausages.
Zag: I think we kind of annoyed him, because he’s David Bowie, like.
Who was your favourite Big Breakfast guest?
Zag: You know who was brilliant? Robin Williams.
He made an awful lot of vagina jokes.
Zag: Well, yeah, he was a bit naughty. But he was 100% on, if you know what I mean. Will Smith was fun, too.
Zig: He came on The Big Breakfast and he had such a good time with us that he said: “I’m going to film my next video in Miami, why don’t you come along?”
How did you get through immigration?
Zag: We had a spaceship, so we were fine.
Zig: Yeah, we don’t bother with immigration. But you shouldn’t say that now. You have to go through the right channels.
Zag: You’re getting controversial now, Stuart. Please don’t bring up the whole Donald Trump thing.
What Donald Trump thing?
Zag: We interviewed him. We were at the opening of a big hotel in the Bahamas, and Michael Jackson was there and everything. We tried to get to Michael Jackson, but nobody gets to Michael Jackson. Leonardo DiCaprio was there, but nobody gets to Leonardo DiCaprio.
Zig: But Donald Trump was there.
Zag: Nobody was talking to Donald Trump.
What did you ask him about? Didn’t he describe himself as “not that nice a guy”?
Zag: Opening hotels.
Zig: And money. I think he was a bit annoyed because I kept calling him Tronald Dump.
Did he seem very presidential?
Zag: No, he’s weird. All you do when you meet Donald Trump is look at his hair. It’s really off-putting. I think it’s the key to his success. He can say anything because you’re not listening to him, you’re simply looking at his hair and waiting for it to jump off or do something weird.
Zig: I think we should build a wall around Donald Trump.
To what degree do you feel responsible for Jedward?
Zag: You do feel like they’re kind of jumping on the bandwagon, you know?
Zig: We kind of came up with the identical twin thing. We are identical. It’s very hard to tell us apart. I think they probably got on our coat-tails a bit.
Can you respond to the accusations that you were snubbed by Chris Evans during the casting of Top Gear?
Zig: Are we allowed to comment on this?
Zag: We did audition. But the problem is that, when you’re in a high-speed car and you’ve got furry hands …
Zig: And quite short legs in your case …
Zag: It’s tricky. If you get sweaty and you’ve got furry hands, it just doesn’t work.
Zig: And there’s the fact that Chris can’t talk and drive at the same time, which didn’t help.
Zag: It was less of a snub and more of a not entirely suitable at all.
Well, it’s been a pleasure talking to two such impressive cultural icons.
Zag: Thank you.
Zig: Is that a nice thing to say?
I’m using a fancy term because I’m writing for a fancy newspaper.
Zag: Wow.
Zig: Do people still read those?
Not really.
Zig: Budgie cages and painters.
Zag: That’s what newspapers are for these days.
Zig and Zag is on CBBC now.
