Dear Coleen, I’m a man in my 40s and I’ve been seeing a woman who’s 10 years younger for about four years.
The relationship has been a challenge due to work circumstances and then Covid, so we’ve had long stretches apart.
I’d been thinking of asking her to move in with me, but she totally took me by surprise by suggesting we try a no-strings, open relationship to see how we feel.
She claims it’s nothing to do with the age gap, but says there have been so many challenges that she doesn’t know how she feels.
Where does that leave me? I feel I’ve gone past the point of having a “ friends-with-benefits ” arrangement.
Can you advise?
Coleen says
It’s also known as “having your cake and eating it too”. It sounds as if there’s an imbalance here – you’re more committed than she is and it’s probably time for some home truths.
Tell her an open relationship isn’t for you because you have spent long periods apart and now is the time to try being together properly – or you’re out.
What would you advise this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
I don’t want to be a doom merchant here, but suggesting a no-strings relationship could be her way of slowly getting herself out of it or pushing you to end it.
Most people who enjoy open relationships make that clear from the beginning, not four years down the line.
I know it’s difficult to wear your heart on your sleeve and give someone an ultimatum when you’re not confident things will go your way, but better to have the heartache now than the ongoing pain of uncertainty.
