Every week brings another Generation Y headline. They’re usually variations on a theme – “Millennials have no money”; “Young people are addicted to social media/sexting/long-form TV drama” – but this piece stood out. It was about how American millennials are signing up to $600 etiquette classes to, apparently, help them learn social skills they may not have developed in a life attached to a screen. $600! I heard my generation was full of squanderers and spendthrifts, but this really does take the avocado.
Perhaps the people taking these classes already come from wealth and are – I believe this is the technical term – fancy-schmancy. Such people may well think the proper way to fold a napkin could earn them social currency at a dinner party, but those people are clearly not preparing for my dinner parties at which the only napkins have Papa John’s emblazoned on them.
It’s not that I wouldn’t like to throw an old-school dinner party, totally unnecessary crockery and all, but it’s tricky in a cramped, shared place. If people are still enamoured of set rules for social interaction, then perhaps it’s time someone gave them an update, and maybe that person could be me.
I could undercut the $600 business with my own cheaper etiquette enterprise, in which I advise young people at shared dinners which jam jar to drink out of and when. Instead of a waiter showing you a bottle before opening it, I could show an iPad: here at the new dinner party, devices aren’t banned, they’re encouraged, integrated seamlessly into the parlour experience. Who needs charades when you have a YouTube compilation of toddlers being the absolute worst?
And rather than place cards for guests, labels are written in emojis. “I think that might be you, John,” says a meek guest to another, pointing to one with a purple aubergine on it. It’ll be a comedy of manners for the modern age. Eat your heart out, Richard Curtis.
Of course, a modern knees-up doesn’t immediately equal qualified adult. For that there will need to be sound financial decision-making, and thinking about shares in terms of the Stock Exchange, not just Facebook interactions. I have a long way to go, and am too old to qualify for the £10k the government should offer 25-year-olds (according to the Resolution Foundation) to start a business or pension. I guess my school for millennial etiquette will just have to wait, for now.
