To Hollywood, California, where Chris Brown's seizure reveals groundbreaking advances in medical diagnostics. If you count yourself as a member of Team Breezy – the official name for Chris's army of superfans – then you will have been across this story ever since Brown tweeted "they won't love u until u r a memory" almost a week ago. But for those still struggling to resist his tractor-beam charm, the background is this: last Friday, the R&B artisan collapsed at an LA recording studio, with his spokesperson revealing that he had suffered a non-epileptic seizure that did not require hospitalisation.
But it is what the publicist goes on to say that reveals just how much this versatile young man is doing not just for recovering domestic abusers, but for medical science. "His doctor tended to him this afternoon," this runs, "and attributes the non-epileptic seizure to intense fatigue and extreme emotional stress, both due to the continued onslaught of unfounded legal matters and the nonstop negativity."
What an intriguingly specific diagnosis. The only medical textbook I have to hand is Gray's Lobotomy, but I believe this may well be the first explicit causal link between failing to appreciate Chris and psychogenic seizures. As the publicist has it, Chris's doctor specifically reckons that the haterz have done this to Chris, with mere reference to his various lawsuits acting as a neurological trigger.
The question, I suppose, is whether Chris's people can advance the law in the same way they are advancing medical science. Ideally, Lost in Showbiz would like to see them bring a test case against the first media outlet that so much as mentions either Chris's conviction for assaulting Rihanna, or the hit-and-run charges he currently faces – a case in which Chris's lawyer would basically argue attempted grievous bodily harm on the part of the publication. At the very least, Chris's fans must start accusing rival fandoms of attempted assault, and I hereby insist that Team Breezy are formally graduated to Team PhDeezy.
