MR NICE?
Following that penalty miss at Euro 96, Gareth Southgate and his wife went to Bali on holiday to get away from it all: the public opprobrium, the ridicule, the lucrative overtures from Pizza Hut and other constant reminders of his spot-kick shame. While there they visited an isolated Buddhist temple and were introduced to a resident monk. His first words: “You Gareth Southgate, you England penalty drama!”
It was the kind of drama Southgate will be hoping to avoid now he’s been put in temporary charge of the England team, perceived by many as a safe pair of hands who is unlikely to be filmed quaffing pints of Pinot Grigio while being courted by undercover reporters, and who has already got off to a better start than his predecessor by insisting it is for him to say where Wayne Rooney is going to play. Grrr!
Speaking to reporters for the first time since being handed the England reins for seven weeks and four matches, Southgate was quick to dismiss the notion that he is too “nice” for the job. “I guess the best thing is to talk to the people who have worked with me,” he snarled. “I don’t think you can have just one style and when firmness and discipline are needed the players I have worked with, certainly over the last three or four years, would be able to tell you that’s there.” An iron fist in a velvet glove then, Southgate has already proved he’s not afraid to make Big Calls, taking the controversial decision to select the out-of-form Rooney for England’s matches against Malta and Slovenia, then promising him the captaincy in a bid to prove he’s very much his own ma … oh.
But while Southgate’s selection policy may not appear to differ that much from Allardyce, his considerably less brash and abrasive style almost certainly will. His entirely understandable but surprise admission that “I am involved in a sport I love but an industry that I don’t like” seems almost entirely at odds with Big Sam, a man who has always seemed more at home with the bells, whistles and pound signs of the football industry than the intricacies and finer points of the actual game around which it is built. As underwhelming as some football fans seem to find his appointment, however temporary, after his predecessor’s folly this is win-win for Southgate.
Having previously declared himself not ready for this role, it’s easy to see why Southgate has performed a volte-face. It seems inconceivable he will make a mess of his caretaker tenure, at which point he may well have a big decision to make. And if does all go horribly wrong for him, he still won’t look as big a chump as his predecessor, nor will it be the first time he’s been compelled to go out in public wearing a paper bag over his head.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“A lot of today’s players cannot play 90 minutes because they get so tired easily. And you know why? Because they don’t sleep enough and don’t train enough and they engage in too much $ex. There are beautiful young girls in Ghana and they won’t leave them alone” – former Black Stars forward and Asante Kotoko technical director, Malik Jabir, offers his thoughts on the state of modern football.
NEXT GENERATION 2016
Here are 20 of the best young first-year scholars coming through at Premier League clubs. And this is our check-in with the classes of 2015 and 2014.
FIVER LETTERS
“As a longtime reader of The Fiver who lives in USA! USA!! USA!!! I was rather aghast at hearing a real, honest to goodness, Premier League club hired Bob Bradley as their manager (yesterday’s Fiver). There are many things my country does very well or used to do very well. Like producing annoying tech billionaires or cars, respectively. But football managers? When I played youth soccer over here, all of our proper American coaches had to ask the Dutch visiting professor guy (also a coach) how to get a first down in this soccer thing. But there is one winner in all of this. Sam Allardyce. And not just for getting him off the front page. Bradley might not lead Swansea clear of relegation, but in terms of tactical sophistication and literate motivation he’ll make Sam look like a combination of Marcelo Bielsa and Johan Cruyff” – Thad Brown.
“With regard to the rather inelegant sacking of Francesco Guidolin, I notice that Swansea reportedly interviewed Bob Bradley and Ryan Giggs last week, while he was still in the job. Poor old Francesco must have wondered why they’d assembled such an eclectic group to nut out his birthday bash” – Morgan Campbell.
“What a great idea to expand the World Cup to 48 teams with 16 going home after one match. Think of all the time, money and disappointment England fans would save not having to be stuck in a foreign country for weeks with false hopes, overpriced hotel bills, ridiculously expensive tickets and the shame. One game and it is over, back to England to enjoy the summer, or winter” – Owen Rossan.
“I see from today’s news that Aston Villa want Wagner as their new manager. Could I suggest that they also offer a position to Jedward, Chico and Steve Brookstein. Surely a position less farcical than reality will ensue?” – Tracey Gatophile.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Owen Rossan.
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BITS AND BOBS
Tickets for south Wales pop sensations Do One! have been selling like toasted Bara Brith, so Cardiff City have been sure to book Paul Trollope a front-row seat.
Scotland fans have had their say and voted in Bits & Pieces as Hampden’s official hardbag goal music for the national team. “When I saw the poll I thought, ‘we don’t have a chance here’ as we’re up against 500 Miles and Chelsea Dagger,” whoop-whooped Scottish DJ George Bowie, who will be performing ‘a live set’ or something before Saturday’s 0-0 draw with Lithuania. “After I saw the results I thought ‘wow’, but Bits & Pieces is a big Scottish anthem. I’ll be dropping all the big tunes.”
Glen Johnson’s maverick return to the England fold lasted barely two days after unspecified knack resulted in a call for Burnley’s Michael Keane.
Fifa bigwig Gianni Infantino isn’t going to shamelessly shore up his supporter base by expanding the World Cup to 48 teams, is he? Is he?
Aston Villa think they can persuade Huddersfield’s David Wagner to leave the top of the Championship with the offer of job security at a well-run … ah. Steve Bruce it’ll probably be, then.
Safe to say, The Fiver wasn’t doing this when it was 13.
And Iceland coach Heimir Hallgrimsson is looking forward to continuing his pre-match tradition of meeting fans down the boozer to reveal his team and talk tactics before their World Cup qualifier against Finland. “There were only 12 or 15 guys and girls that first time. Now the place is packed,” he tooted. “There will be as many as 400 there on Thursday. We always ask them not to film it with their phone, to leak anything to the press, and they haven’t done it.”
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Like the organ of Corti, AC Jimbo and co are all up in your ears. Here’s the latest Football Weekly. And tickets are still available for the next live show in London.
STILL WANT MORE?
Coventry away, or the nail clipper museum? David Squires’ latest cartoon travels back to the 1985-86 season, a time when football was frowned upon and there was literally NONE of it on telly for half a season.
Try as he might, Gareth Southgate “still came across as a decent fellow with good judgment, clear thinking and old-fashioned values”. Daniel Taylor on England’s reluctant redeemer.
Curtis Davies and Jason Puncheon for England? If the national team was picked on form, these two could be among the starting XI, thunders Who Scored’s Martin Laurence.
Bob Bradley is a bold managerial gamble by Swansea, writes Graham Ruthven, but the job might just suit a man unafraid of a challenge, and who might herald a breakthrough for USA! USA!! USA!!! coaches.
And in Germany, Schalke have finally won a league game, the most flattering 4-0 win imaginable, over Borussia Mönchengladbach. Still, they all count. Read about this and more in Raf Honigstein’s weekly Bundesliga wrap.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. AND INSTACHAT, TOO!
