Steptoe and Son
Son Harold to Albert: “You dirty old man!”
Harold to Albert: “You are a dyed-in-the-wool, fascist, reactionary, squalid little, ‘know your place’, ‘don’t rise above yourself’, ‘don’t get out of your hole’ - complacent little turd. You are morally, spiritually and physically a festering fly-blown heap of accumulated filth.”
Albert: “What do you want for your tea?”
Harold: “When I’ve got my decent clobber on I’m completely classless. Providing I don’t open my mouth I could pass for anybody.”
Harold: “Ain’t it pathetic, your faith in the healing powers of a cup of tea! [...] the Englishman’s panacea! Mother just died? Oh what a shame, have a cup of tea. Just been run over? Never mind, have a cup of tea. I have been offered tea for disasters, funerals, operations, floods, wars, Dunkirk, the Blitz, coronations, piles, hysteria, hunger marches and insomnia. Nice cup of tea in one hand and thumbs up to the camera in the other... Britain can take it! Well they can have it.”
Harold to Albert: “That wasn’t a lobster that poisoned you, you swallowed your own venom.”
Hancock’s Half Hour
Tony Hancock: “Watch it, mate, or I’ll have you, with a punch up the bracket.”
Hancock: “It’s red hot, mate. I hate to think of this sort of book getting in the wrong hands. As soon as I’ve finished this, I shall recommend they ban it.”
Hancock to doctor at blood donation clinic: “A pint? Have you gone raving mad? I mean, I came here in all good faith, to help my country. I don’t mind giving a reasonable amount, but a pint? Why, that’s very nearly an armful!”
Hancock, still at clinic: “He’s walked off with my wine gums! Oh dear, oh dear. If you can’t trust a blood donor, who can you trust?”
Hancock: “Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?”
Hancock: “Friends all over the world. None round here but friends all over the world.”
