There's often a luxury in living alone: No one to moan about the dishes or argue over the remote.
But for someone like me who, let’s say, is not entirely unfamiliar with a Bridget Jones-esque mishap, there’s also a peril.
Just last week (while clinging to the bathroom door frame, having tumbled out of the shower) I found myself wondering - who would ever hear me scream?
It turns out it’s probably Amazon.
They’ve admitted staff listen to our conversations with Alexa.
And OK, they only get anonymous recordings when you ask it a question.
But can you imagine if they had full access?
In fact, just imagine what they might have heard in some celebrity houses recently…
Subtle sign Meghan Markle is writing her own Instagram messages on couple's new account
Let’s start at Frogmore Cottage...
MEGHAN: Harry! Know-it-all Kate is trying to give me hand-me-downs for the baby! Who does she think I am?
HARRY: That’s the Royal Christening gown - it’s been worn by every baby for generations.
MEGHAN: But I don’t like it, Harry. It smells musty. I’m going Febreze it.
HARRY: Wait! Granny’s still royally miffed you wanted to put Glade plug-ins in the Chapel.
MEGHAN: But Harry....what will Amal Clooney say? I mean, do we even know if the lace is…(takes a deep breath) Vegan?
Over in Essex...
GEMMA COLLINS: I hate you Arg!
ARG: But Gemma we’ve only just returned from our make-or-break Paris trip where we made up, broke up, made up, broke up and made up again! And we have all those lovely magazine covers as souvenirs.
GEMMA COLLINS: I’m not Gemma, I’m The GC. Now take your hands of my stuff and get out!
ARG: (Leaving) I only asked for a slice of your pizza.
GEMMA COLLINS: (Panicked) Arg! Come Back! I’m so foolish! Don’t leave!....(pauses) You need to wait 20 minutes for the paparazzi to arrive.
Meanwhile in Spiceworld....
GERI HALLIWELL: (On phone to Mel B) So how did it go on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories? Did he ask you anything interesting?
MEL B: Um... just about Girl Power, girls doing it for themselves, a little bit of the old zig-ah-zig-ahh.
GERI: You didn’t say Too Much did you? You know I’m a hoity-toity country lady nowadays.
MEL B: No...
GERI: So why did Mel C tell me to call you?
MEL B: Er. How do I say this? (Pauses) Remember our song Two Become One?...Everyone now thinks that’s about us.
And finally in a farewell call from the Ecuadorian Embassy....
ASSANGE: “Thank you for being a lifesaver Pammy. You really have two too many good qualities to mention.”
PAMELA ANDERSON: “I’ve always supported Wikileaks – I believe we have a responsibility to bare all.
ASSANGE: “I know... I have your Playboy issue.”
