The prosecution: Ellis
Penelope should rinse the teaspoon after she makes her coffee, but she says this is too much effort
My wife, Penelope, drinks mainly coffee while I drink mainly tea. We make drinks for each other when working from home, but Penelope uses the same teaspoon she makes her instant coffee with for my tea.
She swirls the coffee around in her cup and then takes my teabag out with the same spoon, with coffee granules stuck on the end. After she squeezes the teabag against the side of the cup and stirs it with the spoon, my tea tastes like instant coffee. It’s annoying, as I hate the taste.
I see tea as a weaker and more delicate drink than instant coffee, so it’s not fair to mix the flavours, especially this way round.
Penelope says I can’t possibly taste the coffee, but of course I can. Even I get the teaspoons mixed up sometimes because the teaspoon we use stays on the cork mat beside the kettle all day. It ruins my drinks.
I’ve asked Penelope to toss the spoon in the sink or take a new one out for me after she makes a coffee, but she never does. I will walk innocently into the kitchen and see this teaspoon lying down in wait, like a trap. We agree that space is scarce so we don’t want to use lots of different teaspoons.
It’s a frivolous problem, but it affects my tea each day. The solution is for Penelope to rinse the teaspoon after making her coffee, but she says this is too much effort.
This whole thing is a lockdown hangover, because we are both home more now – and often work from home at the same time. We have been living together for a decade but I only really noticed the spoon thing during lockdown, and now I can’t unsee it.
Penelope is more house proud than me but less “on it’” when it comes to being tidy in general. A conflict-free solution might involve us both just having coffee from the cafetiere, but I can’t drink that all day.
I don’t have a tea support group I can talk to about this issue, so I hope the readers will agree with me. I just want my tea to taste pure.
The defence: Penelope
Washing the spoon under the tap is an extra step. Why bother if he can’t taste the coffee?
I don’t think the way I make Ellis’s tea is a big issue at all. We have one teaspoon by the kettle which is used for both tea and coffee, and I will admit that I use the same spoon for both. I don’t believe you can taste the difference.
I don’t want to have 1,500 teaspoons that have only been used once all over the house, so I reuse the same spoon. I think the only reason Ellis has an issue with this now is because he has seen me reusing it – but if he hadn’t seen it, I don’t believe he would know. The taste is simply not strong enough.
I work in the kitchen so I do make Ellis slightly more cups than he makes me, although we do generally share all housework and chores evenly. Since Ellis has pointed out his teaspoon issue, I do wash the coffee granules off the spoon by swirling it around my own mug before placing the spoon in Ellis’s mug, but Ellis says that’s not real cleaning.
I think it’s fine: the instant coffee residue is washed off the spoon before it is used to take the teabag out. Ellis also drinks Earl Grey, which has a strong flavour anyway. Washing the spoon off under the tap is an extra step, and if I don’t believe he can taste it, why bother?
We met in 2009 and have been married for seven years. This debate is the extent of our marital problems but it does come up often now, as we are making more teas and coffees for each other since we both started hybrid working after lockdown. I would love for Ellis to drink more coffee, then we wouldn’t have this debate.
I had a colleague who used to make teas and coffees for the office and would lick the spoon in between stirring, so at least I’m not doing that.
I think I will do a taste test for Ellis. I’ll make him multiple cups of tea, with only one that has been stirred with a coffee-stained spoon. He can then try and guess which one it is. That’s the only way we can prove if Ellis really tastes the difference. I still think he won’t be able to.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Penelope stop making Ellis’s tea with the same spoon?
Penelope is guilty and unrepentant. The only way to drink Earl Grey unbesmirched by the suggestion of instant coffee is if Ellis were to make his own tea. I’m also not sure how two teaspoons equates to 1,500. Have a labelled teaspoon and “coffeespoon”, and never the twain shall meet.
Oscar, 30
This is a situation where a small accommodation by one – Penelope – will make a big difference to the other. Why not make the effort required and reap the benefits of a happy significant other? Penelope’s guilty as charged.
Mat, 44
Penelope’s undermining the generosity of making a round of drinks. She should stop questioning Ellis’s sanity and start running the spoon under the tap. Alternatively, she could buy those 1,500 teaspoons – but that seems a tad OTT.
Lorna, 31
Ellis wants Penelope to care about whether he gets a decent cup of tea, but Penelope just cares about proving how right she is by inventing “tests” and exaggerating the idea that Eric having a set of dedicated teaspoons will take over the house!
Zarah, 48
Penelope needs to accept that Ellis can taste the coffee in his tea. Why would he make that up? She should either wash the teaspoon between drinks (a small rinse is not a lot to ask for), or just have one spoon for coffee and one for tea.
Hannah, 21
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Penelope ensure Ellis’s tea is not tainted by coffee?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 13 July
Last week’s result
We asked if Natalie should clean up after herself when her parents are away.
96% of you said yes – Natalie is guilty
4% of you said no – Natalie is innocent
